Posted on 05/30/2025 2:46:43 PM PDT by Drew68
Limpopo Beneficiaries Braai 30 Cows Awarded To Them To Start Farming Project
Ga-Mokopane, Limpopo – The sun had barely risen over the quiet village when the first aroma of sizzling fat filled the air. It started as a whisper the soft crackle of oil hitting meat, the hiss of spice meeting fire. By mid-morning, the village was alive with smoke, laughter, and the unmistakable scent of dreams being grilled.
This was no ordinary Saturday. It was meant to be the start of a new chapter 30 strong, healthy cows donated by a well-meaning NGO and the Department of Agriculture to empower local beneficiaries with a sustainable livestock farming project.
Instead, what unfolded was nothing short of a community-wide, slow-cooked rebellion.
From the moment the trucks offloaded the cattle, the mood shifted. There was cheering, ululation, and… a group of elders already sharpening knives with suspicious enthusiasm. “We were told these cows were for meat production,” said community spokesperson Fanie Malatji, now standing proudly behind three braai stands made from 200-litre drums. “So we wasted no time. This is what you call immediate implementation.”
Within hours, the once-ambitious livestock project had been rebranded not as a farm, but as Limpopo’s largest ever braai party. The cows didn’t get names; they got marinades.
The air was thick with music and the irresistible perfume of barbecue. Children danced around fires, women stirred pots the size of satellite dishes, and DJs blasted tracks like “Ngiyavuma (Meat Is Life)” and “Nshima Na T-bone Reloaded”. A goat somewhere in the distance watched in terrified silence, likely praying not to be next.
“I’ve never seen unity like this,” said one elderly woman as she flipped cow liver over a grill with a piece of roofing sheet. “Not even during elections.”
By the time government officials arrived, expecting to check on the project’s progress, they were greeted with what one might call a culinary crime scene. Bones were piled high, sauces were flowing like dam water in rainy season, and the last few ribs were getting their final sear. An agriculture officer was reportedly seen chewing in confusion before declaring, “We are… deeply disturbed. But whoever made this dry rub deserves a government tender.”
Photos of the event have since gone viral one especially iconic shot shows a man in a ZESCO overall of Limpopo dancing with a cow skull in one hand and a Coke in the other.
When pressed on what they thought the cattle were for, another community member wiped her hands on an apron that read “Braai Now, Apologize Later” and said, “We understood the assignment. We just chose the tastier route.”
The group has now been disqualified from any future livestock programs, but rumors are already swirling that they’ve been invited to headline a From Cow to Charcoal: African Flavors Tour sponsored by three meat companies and a hot sauce brand.
Asked what they’d do differently next time, Mr. Malatji replied with a chuckle, “Next time, give us chickens. At least those don’t moo in protest.”
A REPEAT OF THE HEIFER PROJECT”.
DAIRY FARMERS DONATED & TRANSPORTED DAIRY HEIFERS THAT WERE ALREADY PREGNANT TO AFRICA.
IDEA: LET THEM CALVE, USE THE MILK FOR THE CHILDREN
... RE-INSEMINATE ( donated)-—Let the herd grow & keep breeding back for more milk, etc. In short order, bull calves would replace the AI.
The savages killed the heifers before they could calve. ATE THEM.
THE DAIRY FARMERS WHO CREATED THE PROGRAM & GAVE THE HEIFERS CANCELLED ALL FUTURE PLANS.
This has to be a parody. Please, let it be parody.
This “might” have been a believable story, except for the fact that the peoples of Limpopo, from the time of very ancient time, are known for their skill in raising cattle.
I would like to think this is from the Zambian equivalent of the Babylon Bee. But who knows?
Don’t worry: there were only 30 cows, but there are hundreds of gullible NFOs out there.
Braai is an Afrikaans word. I can’t believe how racist they can be.
The Zambian Observer seems to do a lot of satire.
As Winston Churchill might have said, “Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture.”
And the FACT that BRAAI is an AFRIKAANES word for what Americans call a BBQ, though a Braai is MUCH more than what our BBQs are like.
Stupid is as stupid does. Can’t be helped can’t be fixed. Such genetic midget mentality goes beyond bone deep to the marrow.
I’m probably not the only one that checked twice to see if this was written by the Babylon Bee.
Today’s challenge for satire writers is to come up with something that isn’t plausible even after scrutiny.
The great gray, green, greasy Limpopo River.
Some people just don’t want to come into the future , but we will still be guilted that went have to send money and food to help the poor starving Africans. Just wait till they kill or drive out the last White farmers in South Africa, then the bastards in charge of the murderous Blacks will demand money and food for their racist genocidal people.
At least they weren’t gopher guts, and me without a spoon.
Give a man a fish,,, and he’ll knock you out and steal the rest of your fish
“Satire. Not exclusive to us.”
I didn’t notice anything that labeled it as such.
And, just when you think it’s too stupid to be reality...it is.
Africa always wins.
>> I guess they don’t believe in delayed gratification.
THIS.
Hi-T, low impulse control, reduced inability to practice delayed gratification.
Now, if you were to suggest this has something to do with genetics, this would cost you a Nobel Prize. If you had one before you uttered those words.
And the use if the word BRAAI is Africaanes and probably NOT a word that these people would use.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.