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It took me a while to realize this wasn't satire. Wow.
1 posted on 01/21/2020 12:48:46 PM PST by aimhigh
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To: aimhigh

Speechless.

2 posted on 01/21/2020 12:50:09 PM PST by BlessedBeGod (To restore all things in Christ~~Appeasing evil is cowardice~~Francis is temporary. Hell is forever.)
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To: aimhigh

Marketing!!


3 posted on 01/21/2020 12:50:15 PM PST by marron
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To: aimhigh

I agree. Wow.


4 posted on 01/21/2020 12:51:19 PM PST by Tax-chick ("The diversity cult is destroying the very foundations of our civilization." ~ Heather MacDonald)
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To: aimhigh

LOL!!

Motto: “Open doors, open hearts - but go away.”


5 posted on 01/21/2020 12:52:03 PM PST by fwdude (Poverty is nearly always a mindset, which canÂ’t be cured by cash.)
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To: aimhigh

Just get a “worship band” that plays bad music at 90 decibels, that should do it. Another possibility would be to make all your worship leaders get tattoos, piercings, and bones through their noses and spools in their ears.


6 posted on 01/21/2020 12:52:12 PM PST by kaehurowing
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To: aimhigh

Wh9mdomthe6 think funds the church?


7 posted on 01/21/2020 12:52:51 PM PST by gunnut
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To: aimhigh

It isn’t satire?

Dear God, reality is giving the Babylon Bee a run for it’s money.

I’m gobsmacked.


8 posted on 01/21/2020 12:52:53 PM PST by Jotmo (Whoever said, "The pen is mightier than the sword." has clearly never been stabbed to death.)
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To: aimhigh

WWJD?

I don’t understand what’s happened to the churches. They seem more obsessed with being some sort of paid for community and not spreading the mission of God.

Maybe that’s because they’re all socialist missions now.


10 posted on 01/21/2020 12:53:54 PM PST by Skywise
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To: aimhigh

I’ll bet the jerks are liberals who want the Church to be attractive to the trans crowd... I’ve got a flash for them... the hype about there being so many sexually liberated progressives just waiting to ‘go to church’ is a lie.

First, there aren’t that many of ‘em....


13 posted on 01/21/2020 12:55:35 PM PST by GOPJ (Will MSNBC bimbos go moist talking to Lev Parnas like they did with Michael Avenatti?)
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To: aimhigh

It’s a fake church. Run!


14 posted on 01/21/2020 12:56:52 PM PST by FES0844
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To: aimhigh

I understand the need to attract younger people but wow...telling old people that they need to stay away? I’m hoping it’s just a biased way of reporting it.


16 posted on 01/21/2020 12:59:45 PM PST by DouglasKC
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To: aimhigh

That will kill the church for sure. Actually seen that happen.


18 posted on 01/21/2020 1:00:32 PM PST by \/\/ayne (I regret that I have but one subscription cancellation notice to give to my local newspaper.)
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To: aimhigh

The OK Boomer criminally insane maniacs are on the march.


19 posted on 01/21/2020 1:00:56 PM PST by E. Pluribus Unum (Democrats only believe in democracy when they win the election.)
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To: aimhigh
church is asking its older parishioners to leave in hopes of making it more attractive to young families.

What kind of bizarre thinking led to this conclusion?? I’d venture a guess, but I’m going to hold my judgement.

20 posted on 01/21/2020 1:03:06 PM PST by PGR88
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To: aimhigh

This is a Methodist Church.

The Methodists just kicked out all the conservative parishes, and I guess now they are going after the conservative members.


21 posted on 01/21/2020 1:04:40 PM PST by Fido969 (In!)
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To: aimhigh
They have hired a specialist in starting new churches, 30-year-old Jeremy Peters who moved to Cottage Grove with his wife and two children for the relaunch, probably in November. “It’s a new thing with a new mission for a new target and a new culture,” he said.

A new mission? A new culture? What the hell? I'm gobsmacked. This is evil on so many levels. May this church utterly fail, and may the poor members shoved out the door find far better churches. Preferably ones with no "specialists" on staff.


22 posted on 01/21/2020 1:05:08 PM PST by Cinnamontea
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To: aimhigh

It’s a dying church in a growing suburb.

They are remodeling over the summer. That’s why they are being told to go somewhere else. It’s the regional Methodist conference that is pushing the change.

They are not barring the grey hairs from attending, they just want them to relinquish their grip on power. (about 30 members)


24 posted on 01/21/2020 1:08:32 PM PST by toast
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To: aimhigh

Satan and his minions still have new tricks up their smoldering sleeves. Keep God’s armor on! It’s like telling a boxer, “Keep your guard up!” And make sure you’ve actually been called into responsibility: some have no business being administrators.


25 posted on 01/21/2020 1:08:58 PM PST by Hebrews 11:6 (Do you REALLY believe that (1) God IS, and (2) God IS GOOD?)
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To: aimhigh

That’s very sad. Very heartless.
The Non-Profit status should also be updated, if money is the only name of the game.


26 posted on 01/21/2020 1:08:59 PM PST by lee martell
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To: aimhigh

Tomorrow in the Babylon Bee: “Struggling Church Asks Christian Members to Go Away”


28 posted on 01/21/2020 1:10:32 PM PST by omega4412
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