Posted on 07/09/2016 9:08:41 PM PDT by MFOSGO
My daughter was a thief. And what she stole was cold, hard cash.
It began with money from a parent’s wallet. Then, from another parent’s wallet. It moved on to a twenty from her big brother’s desk drawer. And then singles from the babysitter’s purse.
This happened a dozen times over. It was a pattern. It was serious, not incidental or of opportunity.
The piece de resistance was pinching thirty dollars from a school mate’s back pack – she got wind that the wad was in there for a donation.
Oh, and my daughter is seven.
I freaked out. Explained to her that if she kept up like this she would never be trusted by anyone and one day these actions might land her jail. I was cold, hard and blunt in the details.
But shockingly, she was not deterred. It happened again.
So, we took her to the police station.
We called our neighborhood precinct. Told them what had been happening and asked if we could bring her in for a talking to, as we were at a loss.
They said yes, sure.
My husband brought her in. She was hysterical. Hyperventilating, crying. She kept asking if she could say goodbye to assorted people and if she was going to die in jail.
It was heartbreaking. But the stealing had to stop.
He drove her there. And marched her inside the station as she mumbled, bracing herself, “I’m gonna be brave!”
The sergeant came over to wide-glassy-eyed-catatonic her. He gave her a pencil. And kindly and patiently explained the difference between giving and taking.
Then, as if I had paid him to be there, a half-drunk derelict in handcuffs reeled around the lobby squaring off at little her, “don’t ever go to jail! It sucks!
The sergeant took her back to the holding cell and showed her the ominous, metal bars and lock up.
Quietly and intensely he told my daughter that he knew she was a good girl and that she didn’t want to end up in there. He was sure she was never going to steal again!
She gave him a cracked half-smile. Tears spilled down her cheeks. He patted her on the head.
She came home and passed out.
That cop, with his busy station and important real-life business, took the time to help us solve a big problem. He was kind and generous. He could have easily told us to deal with it ourselves and not waste his time.
I think of this today as officers around this country are getting a completely false and bad wrap.
The real statistics:
Of the 990 arrest-related deaths in 2015, 38 were black and unarmed.
Thus far in 2016 of the 505 shot dead during arrests, 37 people were unarmed. 13 of them were black.
We sent 6 pizzas to that police station yesterday. And called them to voice our support. They were overtly grateful.
At a recent neighborhood festival, my daughter recognized one of the officers from the station. “That policeman was there when I was arrested” she said.
Good thing she got off that time. Because she never stole again.
Damaged the 7 year old girl.
Rigid shaming is a great way to create an alcoholic child, or a bully, drugs, suicidal, fearful, avoidant etc.
Just because a parent hits a child or traumatizes a small kid, does not mean you have not created internal problems that the kid must now solve, void of adults.
Where are the adults? Simple quick solutions tells a child he is not worth an adult’s time and effort. The child is lacking, base needs are not met. The parents are lacking.
Try reading some books. Attend support groups. Turn off the TV and start interacting like humans.
Frustrated parents, lacking knowlege how humans behave, strike out and usually hit children as a quick solution, but the real problems still reside. The child, not the adults, will solve the root problems decades later outside the family.
The dysfunctional family members will take a decade of psychotherapy or support groups to actually solve issues.
I have seen many of your family members getting real solutions, finally, outside the crazy family.
I was about 5 years old when my Grandfather and I went into a convenience store. I was unfamiliar with the concept of money and paying for things, and pocketed some gum. When we were back in the truck, and heading down the road, I started unwrapping the gum. My Grandfather said, “Where did you get that?!” I said, “From the store.” He turned around and went back and paid for the gum. After telling me numerous times that I was going to jail, I learned what stealing was. Every time we drove past that place in the future, he would tell me to lay down in the floorboard so that lady wouldn’t see me and call the police on us. It was very effective!!! LOL
If she is anything like my wife he better radio for backup!
I always help my wife with housekeeping. I lift my feet when she vacuums the TV room.
It takes all kinds of people to make a world. This thread has certainly pointed that out. Small town police stations are not like the drunk tank in inner cities. I think several of the people on this board are over reacting and taking the opportunity to climb on their personal soap boxes rather than looking at the OP’s story.
Actions have consequences. Some actions have consequences so severe that a parent must be very sure that the child understands the consequences. The OP has detailed a very traditional approach to a child stealing. The actions were taken out of love and concern and that love and concern is no doubt clear to the child.
A visit to the police station was not out of line especially since the child stole from a classmate. Had the behavior continued the child would have been at the police station soon on her own. This kind of lesson by exposing the child to the real world consequences of her actions is the most honest form of parenting. I can’t believe that Free Republic has so many folks ready to second guess a parent and tar the police with the the meme that a visit to the police station is traumatic.
LoL!
Reminds me of home (parents).
I wasn’t messing with you. I was just calling it as I saw it. I had no prior screen name and I don’t know who you are referring to. I meant no disrespect to you. I just thought it was a bit disrespectful of you to sort of put down this persons story. They did what they felt was right for their child at the time. So let’s agree to disagree on this one and move forward. No hard feelings on my end. Hope you feel the same.
When about age 10, my Cub Scout den went to the Dallas County jail. The Deputy Sheriff there explained everything and then led us on a walk in front of all the cells to show us the prisoners and how they lived in very small spaces.
None of us in that den were ever in that jail. That jail tour was about 63 years ago.
80 threads and nobody has shown the language of mental health.
Nice folks, but you cannot express what you do not have.
That is a few thousand words like shame, habit, awareness, support, rules, resolve, etc. 1000s of words and how they connect.
The only way to achieve that imperfect language is select books and support groups for practice. It takes a decade at current human advancement.
Such as, addressing the police part. Different control structures are eg the family, work, police. Using the police control hierarchy means a breakdown in the others like family. This family is broken, but normal. Thereafter, the police must intervene because the adults avoid books.
The real family issues are access to feelings, rules, resolving conflict, habit, demonstrated expectation, self worth, communication, support, discipline, abuse, neglect, deception and on and on.
The child does not have the problem, the parents do. If parents wish to avoid books & groups, I will see their children in groups, the smart ones, as they get healthy. The rest are gambling with life.
You’ll never sell
:)
The author of this post described a pattern of behavior that goes beyond the usual case of shoplifting that occurs when a kid sees a toy or piece of candy that he wants. And yes, disturbed behavior can manifest at any age. I honestly cannot see anything wrong with trying to scare her out of that behavior—it is a concept called “tough love” and parents have been resorting to it to deal with problem behavior for years.
Some kids grow up just fine with soft parents and hands-off discipline that consists mostly of explaining to the kid that the behavior was wrong. Other kids need a more rigorous approach to discipline. The child described here seems to be of the latter sort.
It looks like you meant to post to a different thread.
Honestly? Your are during a symptom. You really need to find out WHY she was stealing.
That is not normal behavior for a 7 year old.
Perhaps a long time lurker who finally decided to jump in?
Curing, not during.
I have assume you do not have any children...or are a child social advocate...(like Hillary)
Most of them, I won't trust to watch my dog, let alone be near my children...
Some children are very strong willed and need a good hard taste of reality to get their attention...
Dad did a great job, his daughter will never forget her experience and best of all learned a lifetime valuable lesson...
I speak from experience, having raised six children...
Yes. . .but no names. . .no way to know who.
I don’t want to be a discouragement, in no way but I have to speak to you from experience. The police accommodated my Husband and I when our daughter stole a beeper from a friend of hers. The lessen lasted until we got home and she realized that she wouldn’t have to stay.
I wish you the best.
What,exactly,is your point?
.
Read the whole post? Are you serious? Even the excerpt is too much for some folks to read. Others hit the *post reply* button after the first sentence!
Yeah, this parent was wholly negligent in finding a way to teach the child that theft is wrong after numerous unsuccessful attempts.
Is this where we page humblegunner?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.