[HammerT]

Ladies and Gentlemen, we should Canonize the sheer genius who developed this incantation.

It is a prime example of every American’s Can-do attitude.

However, can we consider the implications of this?

We Cannot dismiss the ‘cannotations’ going Forward with this being a candidate for future chicanery with this?

Some will say I should just can the malarkey and ‘move-on’ but I say no.

Can we ignore the threat of Assault Cans?

What about high capacity can clip magazines?

Not to mention the subject of gun mufflers.. ahem

[blackdog]

Uhmmmmmmmmm, schools use #10 cans in it’s food supply chains. How is a kid going to throw a ten pound can of green beans at a would be gunman?

[Texas Eagle]

Obviously a marketing ploy by the good people at Progresso.

[Kenton]

It would never work, the kids would use the food in the cans to supplement the starvation diets they get at schools.

[MrB]

Will this work if you're attacked with a banana?

[PIF]

Obviously we need to ban cans ... pry those cans from the kids warmish pinkish fingers ... Bad cans are everywhere! Stop them before they kill everyone!

[PGR88]

Why waste food?

Just store rocks.

[blackdog]

Someone at DHS watched that Crocodile Dundee movie again.

[WKUHilltopper]

The stupidity of these ignorant idiots never cease to amaze me.

[null and void]

I blame the peacenik CANadians...

[trebb]

Pool balls will do in a pinch.....

[logi_cal869]

The incredible doofy irony here is that their assertion that cans are a weapon for kids to use just made it against thousands of schools’ policies across the country to have cans of food on campus (zero-tolerance).

[blackdog]

Unfortunately today's school shooting defense failed, resulting in many dead. The gunman wore a catcher's mask which tested our $60,000,000 Defend Your Schools campaign. Officials have announced a new ban on the wearing or posession of catcher's masks, and plan on spending another $60,000,000 to accomlish this.

In the future, all pitchers will only throw strikes and all batters will hit every pitch.

[day10]

What if the cans are defective!?!?!?

[Ditter]

Oh yes cans can be dangerous and then if they have access to a “can opener”! They will then have the round can lids that are sharp as a knife all the say around! YIKES!!!!!! s/>s

[Old Sarge]

“I love my Campbell’s, soup is good ammo!”

[CAluvdubya]

It’s all well and good until someone gets hurt with a can. We will then need to get a special license to buy canned goods (at the discretion of the local sheriff, of course), Grocery stores will have to do a background check on you before you’re allowed to shop. As a last resort, to stop the canned carnage, cans will be outlawed and our veggies will be in soft pouches. There will be anti-can ads, as well. Mark my words!

[Fresh Wind]

Isn’t the word “cannibalize” on the forbidden list because of its racist connotations?

[EinNYC]

And wouldn’t they have to RECYCLE the cans when they were done stopping that AK47-wielding gunman in his tracks?

[TomGuy]

Students to hurl canned food at intruders.

The same intelligentsia that instructs office workers to throw staplers at intruders and run with scissors.

[bgill]

Send pork ‘n beans and bacon flavored Spam.