Posted on 08/23/2014 7:38:14 AM PDT by Kaslin
I’ve shared horror stories about government thuggery and I’ve shared horror stories about government stupidity.
Thanks to Mark Steyn, we have a story that exemplifies both the brain-dead nature of the public sector and the nasty nature of our bureaucratic overlords.
You may have read about the federal milk police. Well, here’s some of what Mark wrote about the Kafkaesque legal regime the federal government maintains for people who want to cross the border with….drugs? no…weapons? no…biological agents? no, nothing like that. We’re talking about bagpipes.
…17-year-old Campbell Webster and Eryk Bean, of Concord and Londonderry, New Hampshire – understood that if you go to a highland fling a couple of hours north in Quebec you’re now obligated to get your bagpipes approved by US Fish & Wildlife. …So Messrs Webster and Bean got their CITES certificate and presented it to the US CBP agent at the Vermont border crossing. Whereupon he promptly confiscated their bagpipes on the grounds that, yes, their US Fish & Wildlife CITES paperwork was valid, but it’s only valid at 28 ports of entry and this wasn’t one of them. Nor is any other US/Canadian land crossing.
Geesh, those poor kids. Their valuable instruments get stolen by the keystone cops simply because the feds arbitrarily decided that federal government paperwork is only accepted at certain federal government outposts.
By the way, bagpipes apparently get all this unwanted attention because some older instruments have components that are made of ivory, and that’s verboten under environmental laws.
Anyhow, you won’t be surprised to learn that the petty paper pusher who confiscated the bagpipes is also a total jerk.
When the CBP agent seized Messrs Webster and Bean’s bagpipes, he told them – with the characteristic insouciance of the thug bureaucracy – that they were “never going to see them again”. But thanks to the unwelcome publicity the Homeland Security mafiosi were forced to cough ‘em up.
But the story doesn’t end here.
The kids apparently are quite the experts with their bagpipes and they’ll be competing in a contest in Scotland.
Mark explains the preposterous steps they’ll have to go through when they return.
The two pipers are now heading to a competition in Scotland. So they’ll be flying back via Boston, which is one of those 28 valid ports of entry. They’ve called Fish & Wildlife to arrange for the mandatory “inspection” of the bagpipes upon landing at Logan Airport. Unfortunately, the official Fish & Wildlife bagpipes inspector is taking a day off that day…she won’t be available to inspect the pipes. So she’s told them they’ll have to drive back to New Hampshire and then drive back to Logan the following day for the Fish & Wildlife bagpipes inspection. So…the bagpipers will have to take a day off on Thursday – just to comply with the diktats of the Department of Paperwork. … Every time you take a bagpipe in and out of the United States it’s a $476* round-trip fee.
Why can’t the bagpipe police simply give them some piece of paper saying their instrument have been deemed kosher? This is sort of like having to apply for a passport each and every time you travel outside America.
And notice that the federal government is charging the kids an inspection fee for the privilege of being harassed!
Sort of like getting an “aviation security fee” added to your airfare to finance the TSA’s patdowns of grandmothers.
Mark has a very dour summary, basically saying that the bagpipe police are a depressing illustration of the loss of freedom to the regulatory state.
Demanding a CITES certificate for bagpipes is a burden upon free-born citizens. Restricting the paperwork’s validity to only 28 ports of entry is an unduly onerous burden. Requiring the bagpipers to come back on the Wednesday to those 28 ports of entry because the inspector’s washing her hair on the Tuesday is an even more onerous and insulting burden. And charging an American $476 to play his bagpipe in Montreal is a shakedown racket unacceptable in a free society. …America is economically sclerotic because it’s being hyper-regulated to death.
P.S. Excerpts from some of my other favorite Mark Steyn columns can be read here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
P.S. On a completely separate topic, here’s a brutal example of anti-Obama humor.
Ouch. Sort of like the Obama-Putin humor at the bottom of this blog post.
But I also share Obama humor where I sympathize with the President.
Bagpipe ping!
Bagpipes sound like a bag full of kittens being squeezed.
Government has gone mad.
Legalism with the absence of common sense is facism.
Amazing what we do to protect elephants.
US Fish & Wildlife. ????
What with all the islamic beheading going on the Sgian Dubhs order scares the hell out of me
The DHS Customs and Border Protection requires the following items, Brand Name or Equal, to the following:
LI 001: Carbon Bagpipe Drone Reed Set, 5, EA; LI 002: Bagpipe Chanter Reeds-Easy, 12, EA; LI 003: Bagpipe Chanter Reeds-Medium, 12, EA; LI 004: Deluxe Bagpipe Bag Covers w/ Non-slip Grap Patch and Zipper, 5, EA; LI 005: Drone Cords, 5, EA; LI 006: Highland Bagpipe Tuner and Metronome with cases, 2, EA; LI 007: Combination Tuner and Metronome, 6, EA; LI 008: Black Polypenco Bagpipes w/ cases, 10, EA; LI 009: Polypenco Bagpipe Chanter, 10, EA; LI 010: Bellows Blown Blackwood Smallpipes in "A" w/ cases, 4, EA; LI 011: Black waxed bagpipe hemp, 4, EA; LI 012: Real Beeswax, 4, EA; LI 013: Long Polypenco Practice Chanters, 10, EA; LI 014: Bagpipe Tutor Book - VOL 1 C.O.P., 10, EA; LI 015: Practice Chanter Reed, 10, EA; LI 016: Rol of Pipe Bag Tie-In cord, 2, EA; LI 017: Tapered Reamer, 1, EA; LI 018: PiobMaster 2.3 CD ROM-Bagpipe music writing software, 1, EA; LI 019: Pipe Band Base Drum Carrier, 2, EA; LI 020: Folding Bass Drum Stand, 1, EA; LI 021: Inverness Rain Cape, 14, EA; LI 022: Glengarry Plain, 15, EA; LI 023: Snare Drum Stand, 4, EA; LI 024: Pipe Band Snare Drums-Black, 4, EA; LI 025: Snare Carrier-Silver, 4, EA; LI 026: 16" x 12" Pipe Band Tenor Drum, 4, EA; LI 027: 18" Bodhran Pack w/ Beater, 4, EA; LI 028: Deluxe triple function drum sling, 2, EA; LI 029: Heavy Duty Tenor Drum leg rest, 2, EA; LI 030: Drum-Mount Snare Drum stick bag, 4, EA; LI 031: Heavy Duty Drum Key, 2, EA; LI 032: Short Black Classic Tenor Mallets, 3, EA; LI 033: Black Bass Beaters, 2, EA; LI 034: TyFry Tenor Tutor Tenor Instruction DVD/CDROM, 1, EA; LI 035: Snare Stick Set, 10, EA; LI 036: Square Tenor/Snare Drum Case, 5, EA; LI 037: Spats Canvas-White, 20, EA; LI 038: Hose-Blue, 14, EA; LI 039: Flashes-Red, 14, EA; LI 040: Leather Day Sporrans-Black, 14, EA; LI 041: Horsehair Sporrans, 14, EA; LI 042: Sgian Dubhs, 14, EA; LI 043: Shipping/Handling/Delivery, 1, EA;
As Robert Heinlein called it way back in the freedom days of Richard Nixon (1973);
In a Mature Society, "Civil Servant" is Semantically Equal to "Civil Master" "Time Enough for Love"
The solution to the bagpipe problem, of course, is just to lie. When asked if you have something to declare, you just say no.
That way, you become a criminal, and the government can arrest you at will.
If they were Mexicans with ivory inlays in their leaf blowers, they’d be waved through, no problem.
Obviously, there needs to be a major - and I mean, MAJOR - re-balancing of the number of people involved with the Federal government and the execution of its functions. A major one. There seems to be a lot of people involved in it looking for for something to do. I’d say, for starters, except for the military (the PRIMARY FUNCTION), about 25-40% cutbacks.
I wonder if there's equal regulatory scrutiny over the transport of embryonic stem cells?
And the federales have a program for reincarnating the elephant from which the ivory is made, right? The is the same program that causes people to throw their old pianos in the landfill because it is illegal to sell them. I can understand not wanting new elephants killed for their ivory, but a lot of that ivory is a century old. And how stupid do the customs inspectors have to be to not tell the difference between plastic and ivory?
Federal Sassenach bastards!
Och Aye!
CC
The word of the Lord came to me again, saying, “Son of man, say to the prince of Tyre, ‘Thus says the Lord God:
Ezekiel 28:13
Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created.
Ivory Buttons and Keys on the Instrument.
Same crowd that looted Gibson Guitars.
Utterly OUTLANDISH...
Thank you!
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