Argentina’s Javier Mascherano says he tore his anus playing against the Netherlands

O Canada.com ^ | July 11, 2014 | Ishmael N. Daro

[Loyalist]

Javier Mascherano’s game-saving slide tackle in Wednesday’s World Cup semifinal match came at a heavy price.

The Argentine player, who likely suffered a concussion earlier in the game, says he later tore his anus when he stopped Netherlands forward Arjen Robben’s attack late in extra time.

He shared the unfortunate news in a post-match press conference.

A rough translation of his remarks: “I do not want to be rude … I tore the anus that play. That’s why I felt so much pain””

It’s not clear whether Mascherano can (or should) play in Sunday’s final against Germany, but his stellar performance against the Dutch did not go unnoticed. The Guardian’s Michael Cox hailed the Barcelona midfielder as the “man of the match by some distance,” although the official honour went to the Argentine goalkeeper Sergio Romero for his superb performance during the penalty shootout that secured Argentina’s win.

[jwalsh07]

Well in general it’s the coach who tears you a new ahole. Unfortunately they took that literally at Penn State.

[PGR88]

That’s not a headline you read every day.

[SgtHooper]

LOL!

[Hoodat]

Don’t say ‘anus’. Say ‘rectum’ . . . ‘Rectum’ . . .

[headsonpikes]

“Rectum?”

Darned near killed him! LOL

[Dr. Bogus Pachysandra]

No comment! Click on my name.

[lee martell]

1st response; Exactly how does one tear ones own anus during a soccer game? 2nd response: I don’t really wanna know. 3rd response; Your Obamacare style policy is most likely to call the incident “A Pre-existing Condition. Not Covered.

[Grams A]

And the whole world needed to know this because? Good grief.

[siamesecats]

Excuse me, what???

[dainbramaged]

If it’s an anal fissure, he is in severe pain. They make hemorrhoids feel like you’re being tickled.

[Quality_Not_Quantity]

There are worse ways to have your anus torn.

Please don't tell me about any ways that would be better, okay?

[immadashell]

No comment! Click on my name.

Very deep anal-ysis!

[KarlInOhio]

How many Brazilian players have this injury after the butt-whupping Germany gave them?

[Empireoftheatom48]

Oh nos not Uranus!

[ifinnegan]

I think this proves soccer is a sissy sport, for sure.

And, we all know he tore his anus in another way...

That’s what the World Cup is all about.

[Red Badger]

[DoodleDawg]

So in other words the Netherlands team tore him a new assh...no, I’m not going to go there.

[Red Badger]

[MV=PY]

"Argentina’s Javier Mascherano says he tore his anus playing against the Netherlands"

No worries! We have lots of replacements running around in DC.

[rlmorel]

DOCTOR: “Mr. Mascherano, you have a torn anus.”

MR. MASCHERANO: “But I’m not homosexual. How did I tear my anus?”

DOCTOR: “Yes. I’m sure you’re not.”