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Federal Reserve Bails Out Metallica Album
NewsMutiny ^ | November 11, 2008 | NewsMutiny

Posted on 11/11/2008 5:15:16 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The Federal Reserve is leading a desperate struggle to prop up one of the recording industry's biggest and most well known artists as its latest release continues to languish on store shelves and internet retailer warehouses around the country.

Reminiscent of the flurry of bank buyouts conducted by the government in recent months, the Fed said it will pay Warner Brothers Records $30 million dollars for 2 million unsold copies of Metallica's new release "Death Magnetic" to buttress the label, whose exposure to a storm of criticism that the album sucks had led to a crisis in confidence that neither the company nor the band could remain viable.

"As heavily invested as they are in the group, a flop as monumental as 'Death Magnetic' was shaping up to be would not only spell the likely end to the triumphant career of America's most famous heavy metal band, but severely encumber the distribution of the work of other such celebrated Warner Brothers artists as Static-X, Paris Hilton and Larry the Cable Guy should the label fail, and that would be a real shame," said Charles Boddicker of The American Economist.

The decision to buy out what remains of what many consider the latest futile attempt by a group of pitiful old men to recapture the glorious but more than obviously fleeting synergy of their youthful musicianship has elicited an angry backlash from citizens across the country.

(Excerpt) Read more at newsmutiny.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Government; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: bailout; fed; federalreserve; metallica
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1 posted on 11/11/2008 5:15:17 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOLOLOL!!


2 posted on 11/11/2008 5:16:33 PM PST by Sisku Hanne (The day begins and ends in Alaska.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Lol. Metallica is unrecognizable after And Justice for All.


3 posted on 11/11/2008 5:17:45 PM PST by randomhero97 ("First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me. Blow!" - Ash)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOL...next to be bailed out will be the Scooter Store, because business will be ruined after BO heals all those who can’t walk.


4 posted on 11/11/2008 5:19:47 PM PST by kittymyrib
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Metallica’s latest stuff sucks nearly as bad as the latest stuff from GM & Ford....


5 posted on 11/11/2008 5:20:03 PM PST by freebilly
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOL! Bailouts of GNR’s Chinese Democracy next?


6 posted on 11/11/2008 5:20:09 PM PST by TXBlair ( Fort Hood LOVES its vets!!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

A new SatireWire? Looks promising, thanks!


7 posted on 11/11/2008 5:20:29 PM PST by LurkedLongEnough (Music washes away the dust of every day life. ---Art Blakey)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Hopefully they will show the same financial compassion for Herman’s Hermits who have fallen on tough times these last 3 decades.......


8 posted on 11/11/2008 5:20:59 PM PST by Hot Tabasco (Gonna be a party in the White House Crib)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I wouldn’t be surprised.


9 posted on 11/11/2008 5:21:06 PM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

My wife and I ceased being fans of Metallica after they decided to go after Napster. And yes I know this is a joke. :)


10 posted on 11/11/2008 5:21:14 PM PST by pnh102 (Save America - Ban Ethanol Now!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

ROFL. Don’t give them any ideas.....

Soon the proposal will be to “bail out” all musical performers at the level of their best-ever sales, i.e., if they ever had a “Gold” or “Platinum” album then their current and future output must be govt-subsidized to that level, etc.


11 posted on 11/11/2008 5:21:43 PM PST by Enchante (Make Fox News come clean on the hoax attacks on Governor Sarah Palin!!!)
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To: randomhero97
Lol. Metallica is unrecognizable after And Justice for All.

Yeah, but prior to that, they were unintelligible. Saw them live for Monsters of Rock in 1988, couldn't understand a word they screamed - except for the profanity. Good music, though.

12 posted on 11/11/2008 5:21:45 PM PST by IYAS9YAS (Ever notice that Obama supporters chant "O-Bahm-AH" while McCain/Palin supporters chant "U-S-A".)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Paris Hilton doesn't have any problems distributing her work.

Loose lips sink ships -- and can make a girl (in)famous.

13 posted on 11/11/2008 5:21:49 PM PST by CE2949BB (Fight.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The Metallica video for ‘the day that never comes’ is even suckier.


14 posted on 11/11/2008 5:27:52 PM PST by Para-Ord.45
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOL

‘I want my MTV’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACGUasFWVsI

Money for nuthin


15 posted on 11/11/2008 5:30:46 PM PST by valkyry1 (McCain/Palin 2008)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The show “24” better dance a dance and sing a song this year or it will be up for a bailout too!


16 posted on 11/11/2008 5:31:50 PM PST by netmilsmom (Psalm 109:8 - Let his days be few; and let another take his office)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Metallica has always sucked.

They should waste our tax dollars
bringing Nirvana back from the dead,
that was actually a very good band.


17 posted on 11/11/2008 5:39:12 PM PST by Lazlar
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

There’s still HOPE for Yoko


18 posted on 11/11/2008 5:40:33 PM PST by ronnie raygun ( When CHANGE comes let me know, I'll put my tin foil hat on and sit in front of myTV)
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To: writer33

You missed out on this one...


19 posted on 11/11/2008 5:41:30 PM PST by Libloather (November is Liberal, Leftist, Marxist Awareness Month.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

You know, it’s really hard separating reality from satire lately.


20 posted on 11/11/2008 5:41:58 PM PST by Right Wing Assault ("..this administration is planning a 'Right Wing Assault' on values and ideals.." - John Kerry)
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