Posted on 05/18/2007 6:01:22 PM PDT by AZamericonnie
900! Wh00 Wh00!
ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES
Hi. Now you say something.
Hello. I’m Amy’s answering machine. What are you?
Hi! Anne’s answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine — this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
Janice here. I’m home right now, I’m just screening my calls. So start talking and if you’re someone I want to speak with I’ll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
Hello, this is Margaret. I don’t live here, so if you were trying to call me, you’ve dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call Tina, Carol, or Mandy, please
leave your name and number at the tone. I don’t guarantee that one of them will call you back — only that I won’t.
Hello, this is Ron. I’m not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?
(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I’m a burglar and I was just about to steal Dan’s answering machine. If you give me your name and number I’ll... Uh, I’ll post it on the fridge where he’ll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?
Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I’ll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week’s National Enquirer.
I’m gone.
Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.
Kemosabe no in teepee now. You leave’um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.
I can’t come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I’m at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I’m doing this NOW, while you’re listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it’s NOW, like, when you’re listening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
| ~~Tunes For The Troops~~ |
| Rosie Flores~"59 Tweedle Dee |
| Parents please preview for your kids! |
| Want more information about the artists we play? Perhaps you'd like to buy concert tickets or their CDs? Click the links provided at the top of the thread for more information! |
the weekend is here...it's goin! lots to be thankful for...life, health, kids... well, ok, life and health! (just kidding!)
no big plans. you?
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By Request...
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Thanks, t, for spinning tunes for the troops. ((HUGS))
hey, sand, you are on a roll tonight! LOL
::applause:: (haiku)
Just wait til you get the next one - hehehehehehehe
that sounded evilish...what are you up to now??!!!
Very nice so far.
Beautiful weather. I went shooting today and went out for a late lunch. (catfish, turnip greens, mashed taters and gravy,coleslaw, white rolls and cornbread ‘n icetea)
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i never got that high. :oP’’’
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mmmmmmm! ::smiling:: sounds like it was wonderful!
| ~~Tunes For The Troops~~ |
| Junior Brown~You Didn't Have To Go All The Way |
| Parents please preview for your kids! |
| Want more information about the artists we play? Perhaps you'd like to buy concert tickets or their CDs? Click the links provided at the top of the thread for more information! |
after listening to “cats in the cradle” that kathy posted...do you think you can find “seasons in the sun”?they were out about the same time, i think.. more memories!
A goodtime was had by all L0L
MARTHA STEWART’S WAY V’s
THE REAL PERSON’S WAY
Martha’s way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Person’s Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha’s way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Person’s Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha’s way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Person’s Way: Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.
Martha’s way #4: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant fix me up.
The Real Person’s Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too darn bad. Please recite with me the Real Person’s motto: I made it and we’ll eat it.
Martha’s way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Person’s Way: Celery? If it doesn’t have calories, why keep it?
Martha’s way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Person’s Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so don’t do it.
Martha’s way #7: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Person’s Way: Take a lime, cut it in quarters and rub it on the rim of a tall glass. Put lime in glass, fill with gin and tonic water and sip until the throbbing goes away.
(Repeat as required)
Martha’s way #9: Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Person’s Way: Leftover wine?!
i still hear you laughing
L0L
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