What Would FReepers Do? A Question to the Forum.

RFace's Life ^ | 3.17.2007 | RFace

[rface]

I now know what I am going to do – But I am curious as to what other FReepers might do when faced with this situation.

What will I do?? (I know what I am going to do.)

I have a cousin whom I love, and with whom I am close. I grew up with this guy. We are both in our middle 40s. We both have gone through our teen-age years with some trouble along the way – and we both now hold good jobs. We both have done pretty well – in spite of our earlier attempts at self-destruction…..and in spite of some heavy burdens that life has thrown our way.

I was married a few months ago (my 2nd…and my last) and I invited my cousin and his “significant other” to our wedding. They flew in from Boston and my wife and I were very happy to have them here to be at our wedding.

I am very close to my cousin. I also like, and get along with, his “significant other”. My Cousin and I don’t see eye-to-eye on some things, but he did vote for Bush in 2000. And we agree on a lot of taxation and financial conservative views. He’s pretty much conservative-ish….sort of…(not that his politics has anything to do with this issue) ….except that he’s gay and he sent me a wedding invitation for me and my wife to come to the wedding in Massachusetts.

My Cousin knows where I stand on the Gay Marriage issue…. And my wife shares my view. Our views are not secretly held. We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman – but we both also think “civil unions” may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.

The Question: Would you go to a family members Gay Wedding under a situation like this??

[Frwy]

He, not you, will stand before the Great White Throne on judgment day for this action.

Support him in sin that will have him sent to hell at the judgment. Not a real good thing for a cousin who loves his cousin and dear friend to do. Such poor advice should be re"thunk".

[rface]

I will post to you tomorrow on this thread what I am going to do or not do.

[B-Chan]

Dear Cousin:

You know that I love you. You also know that I love Significant Other. With that in mind, please understand that I cannot in good conscience be in attendance at the ceremony to which you have invited me. We both know the reason why, so I'll spare you the boring details. I know you would never wish me to act in contradiction to my beliefs, and I want you to know that I appreciate your understanding.

Please know that I wish each of you all the happiness in the world.

Sincerely,

Your Cousin

[Dog Gone]

That said, if they are among the closest people in one's life, one simply resigns themselves to shutting up and going.

Weddings and funerals seem to be some sort of cultural duty. We certainly spend bazillions of dollars on them.

I don't know why.

Either you're married or you're not.

Either you're dead or you're not.

I don't get the big ceremony thing.

I got married. That's none of your business. I'm gonna die. That's kinda personal, too.

I know I have a freakishly unique attitude about this. These things mean a lot to almost everyone else.

[B-Chan]

Surely family comes before Marine Corps!

It's "God, wife, child, Texas, USA" in my house...

[ChadGore]

Send flowers to both of them.

Stay home.

[rface]

I am going

[GSlob]

"I don't think this is the time to lie. Boldly tell the truth and decline to go. "
One does not have to tell the truth, if the same [behavioral] result could be accomplished with less load on the subsequent relationship, whatever that relationship might be. Besides, somebody said that a little hypocrisy is what greases the wheels of life and makes it more bearable. Thus, in hypocrisy, in lying, like in everything else, including telling the truth, there must be some optimal measure, and one would not go wrong by sticking to it. Nothing to excess: one politburo member [pun intended] was suffering from bed wetting. He was pissed off [another pun intended] at it, and took a hypnosis treatment course. The treatment proved out to be so successful that after it he could not urinate even during daytime, and burst. Thus, nothing to excess, even truthfulness.

[Old_Mil]

No. One's presence at a wedding ceremony is tacit approval of it.

[rface]

What would you have done 20 years ago?

actually - the issue would have a history when Vermont started w/ Civil Unions. At that time I would not have supported the idea of C.U. but, my mind has changed somewhat.......

Also - there might have been a time when I would have said that I wouldn't go to a Gay Wedding - but now that I am face-to-face with this issue.....I have decided to go.

My cousin knows where I stand. I will tell him I love him and that will be how it stands. I won't say something like...."I am glad you are married".....

.........whatever.

[CaliGirlGodHelpMe]

You love this cousin, and he's your family. If he were straight and marrying a woman for money, or to get her a green card, or to get even with his ex, or for some other highly suspect reason, you'd still go, wouldn't you? And hope that he will be happy, even though you may not "approve"?

He's found someone he loves and wants to commit himself to. Even though you are firmly against the law being changed to allow gays to marry, that doesn't mean that his happiness is any less important, or less to be celebrated. Gay couples (as well as straight ones) know perfectly well that not everyone who attends their wedding is going to be jumping with joy; but they hope that such people will be "won over" by witnessing their happiness.

I would go, and have a wonderful time.

[bluecollarman]

I would not go. If you are as close as you say, tell him. He will understand. His funny friend may not.

[Frwy]

Now that is the most idiotic argument I've ever heard.

OK, maybe not the MOST idiotic but idiotic none the less. Is there a right time to murder a little. Or take the Lord's name in vain. Perhaps sleep with your neighbors wife just for the minute you need to.....OK you get my drift.

[JustaDumbBlonde]

I would not attend. Family is very important but if you don't adhere to your principles, nothing else matters much. I would tell my cousin that I love him very much and wish him the very best in life, but I could not attend.

[summer]

Of course you should go. Life is too short, as someone else here already pointed out.

[alisasny]

I don't know what religion you are but several in my faith believe if you do not marry in your religion and do not get married in the church then you are not married in the eyes of God.

Plenty convert to make one right and don't practice , plenty get married in the church to later divorce. Marriage between man and woman is far from perfect, and plenty of stats to back that up.

These two will not be married in God's eyes as far as I am concerned so I would go as it is my cousin and want him/her in my life for the rest of my life.

I am sure plenty here also who say don't go are not practicing their religions either. Would they disown cousins who divorced as that is immoral?

[GSlob]

I see your drift, and I see it as senseless. May we be saved from the true ideological believers [i.e. idiots] and from the true religious behavers [i.e. zealots]. Yes, there is time to murder, for for every thing there is its time. Yes, there is time to take the lord's name in vain, and not merely in vain but outright lyingly, like in the matters of national security. And as for the neighbor's wife - she's not attractive enough, and I'm not that young any longer.

[CzarNicky]

If you go you have to vote for Giuliani

[red irish]

First your cousin already knows your feelings on this subject and if so I am sure then he would not be surprised if you did not attend. For me when we have a chance to show our faith,and I have been in a similar position, we need to be steadfast. Now if you were to cut this person out of your life then that would be wrong. I am assuming you are a Christian and so this is the way to love someone but you have to be faithful to Christ. The cross that belongs to Jesus was difficult and it is difficult for us. Because you stand firm in your faith does not mean you do not love someone,only that you love them the way Christ wants us to love and accept them. God bless and I will keep you both in my prayers.

[gate2wire]

LOL. He may be there.