What Would FReepers Do? A Question to the Forum.

RFace's Life ^ | 3.17.2007 | RFace

[rface]

I now know what I am going to do – But I am curious as to what other FReepers might do when faced with this situation.

What will I do?? (I know what I am going to do.)

I have a cousin whom I love, and with whom I am close. I grew up with this guy. We are both in our middle 40s. We both have gone through our teen-age years with some trouble along the way – and we both now hold good jobs. We both have done pretty well – in spite of our earlier attempts at self-destruction…..and in spite of some heavy burdens that life has thrown our way.

I was married a few months ago (my 2nd…and my last) and I invited my cousin and his “significant other” to our wedding. They flew in from Boston and my wife and I were very happy to have them here to be at our wedding.

I am very close to my cousin. I also like, and get along with, his “significant other”. My Cousin and I don’t see eye-to-eye on some things, but he did vote for Bush in 2000. And we agree on a lot of taxation and financial conservative views. He’s pretty much conservative-ish….sort of…(not that his politics has anything to do with this issue) ….except that he’s gay and he sent me a wedding invitation for me and my wife to come to the wedding in Massachusetts.

My Cousin knows where I stand on the Gay Marriage issue…. And my wife shares my view. Our views are not secretly held. We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman – but we both also think “civil unions” may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.

The Question: Would you go to a family members Gay Wedding under a situation like this??

[Texas_shutterbug]

Since he knows your views, I would send him a letter explaining that you wish him happiness in his life, that you want to pass no judgment on his relationship with his significant other, but that your personal beliefs don't allow you to recongize their relationship as a "marriage."

[RodgerD]

Open bar?

[alice_in_bubbaland]

"You might meet a spectacular hair stylist, florist, cook or artiste. "

Don't forget you also might meet a great interior decorator! :)

[Gorzaloon]

No. I would not go. I am a Christian, and homosexuality is an abomination to God, so He does not condone same sex marriage. Nor can I.

But He does give you the authority to pronounce final judgement?

Would you refuse to go to the wedding of a person who had been an adulterer? A murderer? A thief? He does not condone those, either.

[LurkingSince1943]

Go to the wedding wearing a New York Yankees hat. Your cousin will get the message.

If you really want to be subtle, sit on the bride's side. Or is it the groom's? You know what I mean.

[vietvet67]

Glad to see we ain't talkin about an appropriate wedding present. :-)

P.S. Don't catch the flowers.

[Triggerhippie]

Noblesse oblige, but I would probably sit out the "YMCA" dance at the reception.

[Gorzaloon]

I wouldn't go. I hate weddings. Never been to a gay one, but I don't even like the hetero ones.

I must admit that the household joke here is that we would rather find a dead snake in the mailbox, than a wedding invitation.

That said, if they are among the closest people in one's life, one simply resigns themselves to shutting up and going.

[dalereed]

absolutely not!!!

I would disown him!

[Alberta's Child]

I would not go, and to be frank with you if I were in this position I would prepare myself to cut all ties with this family member.

A lot of this depends on why you are opposed to the notion of "gay marriage," of course.

[BigFinn]

This a difficult situation. They attended your wedding and you were glad to have them there. But you have this dilemma... if you went to this ceremony you would be condoning this behavior and compromising your values and morals. By going to the ceremony you are saying one thing and doing the opposite of what you represent. So what good is your statement and projection of "marriage is between a man and a woman'. You might as well join a group that wants to make it legal in every state of the union.

Are they having the ceremony in a church? Are you of the Christian faith? Then you are testing God when you attend. He says that homosexuality is an 'abomination'. Who do you listen to? Who do you obey? What is more important? You have to ask yourself these questions.

What would I do in this same situation? I would politely write a heartfelt note or call them and decline the ceremony, again stating all of your reasons and convictions. You can still love them but you cannot say it is OK to get married. If you are as close as you say you are. they will be hurt but will understand your conviction.

[R. Scott]

You get along with your cousin. Attend the wedding. Is showing your displeasure at them wanting to make a commitment to each other worth destroying the relationship you now have?

[Joe Bfstplk]

Move to Arkansas.

[rface]

INTERESTING FREEPER POLL RESULTS:

APPROX: 60% SAY GO. 40% SAY NO GO

I am a bit surprised!.....

an email said that most of the "GOs" were probably women.....and the "NO GOs" were probably men. I wonder....

[Verbosus]

I'd go. Personally I don't care if someone is gay.

You think your situation is awkward? Heck, I've got a liberal brother that's a journalist at a major newspaper.

How would you deal with that?
My brother may be straight and married, but your cousin is only gay. Try dealing with a liberal journalist sometime.

(I love my brother anyway. He's family.)

[fr_freak]

Tell your cousin that you love him, that you'll always be family, and that you hope he and his "friend" will be happy together, but that you cannot go to his ceremony because you believe it is wrong. You can send him a gift, if you like, later, as a token.

[krb]

I'd go.

[Fluke Codewriter]

My Cousin knows where I stand on the Gay Marriage issue…. And my wife shares my view. Our views are not secretly held. We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman – but we both also think “civil unions” may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.

The Question: Would you go to a family members Gay Wedding under a situation like this??

Short answer = No.

Why = They know my views, my views are Not secret, and yet they Still invite me?

They are either...

1. Asking me to compromise my principles (something I will Not do, and have even been Let Go from jobs because I would not do so)

2. Relying on my non-attendance BUT sending a gift (hence, they don't care either way if I am there but would still like a gift - a gift born from a sense of Obligation, and if Anyone tries to get something from me by using a sense of Obligation they have another thing coming)

Either way will see my non-attendance - at the mock wedding and the reception after.

This is also a Cousin. In All our family - both sides of mine and my others - we do not invite cousins. There are just too darn many what with their other halves and whatnot. Besides, Cousins aren't people you keep in touch with.

What would the rest of the family think?

Who cares?

I would simply RSVP in the negative without a reason. A simple "Sorry, we are unable to attend" is sufficient. No reason is necessary.

[nothingnew]

I'm sorry for you, and your cousin.

Wild horses couldn't drag me to that "wedding", nor a gift from me. There are certain things, few as they may be, that I refuse to tolerate. This is one of them. I cannot abide any of this "gay" acceptance and I will never advise anyone else to.

The line has been drawn, and I will not cross it.

Like I said above, I'm sorry for you and your cousin.

FMCDH(BITS)

[LonePalm]

Very well, thank you.

The corned beef is done and the potatos and cabbage are cooking.

And how are things with you and yours?

15 days until opening day.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)