Posted on 09/13/2006 3:39:30 PM PDT by icwhatudo
My daughter just started the 4th grade in a Catholic school in Maryland. I have been informed that she will be learning about "sperm", "eggs" etc but not full sex ed until later. (To me that sounds like someone just being a little bit pregnant).
I program my cable with passwords to avoid adult material being available to my child. I use online filters to protect my child while online. I pay a ton of money to send my child to Catholic school hoping to avoid the problems of government school that forces sex ed on kids at an earlier and earlier age. I'm really upset.
Its not that I want my child to be kept in the dark, I just think its more appropriate late in the 5th grade or early in the 6th. My God, why does a child who puts her tooth under her pillow for the tooth fairy need to know what sperm is?
Am I off base? Am I a religious whacko? Isn't there a time for a child to simply be a child?
If anyone has experience in this issue, or can share their thoughts as a fellow parent please do. I've thought about requesting to "Op-out" but I'm not sure thats an option and I worry about her being teased as everyone else becomes "in the know".
Again, I know they can't stay a child forever, but 3 months after leaving 3rd grade to learn about sperm?????
Your thoughts/suggestions appreciated.
I agree with you 100%. Good parents may disagree with each other on this issue, but it's the parent's decision to make, and I want my children to enjoy their childhood innocence.
Btw, this problem is not limited to public or Catholic schools. I've come across it in homeschool groups. The difference is, as a homeschool parent, I have more control over the material to which my children are exposed.
I went to Catholic school way back in the 70's, and I didn't learn about the birds and the bees until I was "almost 12." In fact, that was the name of the book my mother bought for me from The Catholic Shoppe: "Almost Twelve". It only talked about the sperm and the egg and how boys and girls need to respect each other. Immediately, my first question was: "But, Mom, how does the sperm reach the egg?" So, expect that question.
Though we've never discussed "sex", when I was pregnant I explained to my oldest kids (who were only 3 and 5 years old) how a baby develops inside a mother. And their first question at those young ages was: "How does the baby get there?" I gave a vague response and changed the subject. But, the point is, that question will be asked.
My 10yo has heard the terms "sperm" and "egg" just through reading about raising fish, and all of my kids have come across nature shows on TV that show animals mating, but they don't know what the animals are doing, and they haven't made that leap in logic to humans yet. They're too busy thinking about things like baseball and other childhood interests.
This ping list is for the "other" articles of interest to homeschoolers about education and public school. If you want on/off this list, please freepmail me. The main Homeschool Ping List by DaveLoneRanger handles the homeschool-specific articles.
>>I grew up on a ranch. All ranch kids knew the basic facts of life way before they entered 4th grade. Egg and sperm were not foreign words to me way back when I was that age in the 50s.<<
This is exactly what I told my eight-year-old. If we lived on a farm, she would have known about this long before I had to tell her.
Before doing 5th grade Science, she knew that babies came from eggs inside the mom's body. She (and her six year old sister) knew that babies grow inside moms and come out the "baby hole". Thanks to a neighbor child who told them that moms "poop out babies" I had to clarify three different exits. One for "poop", one for "pee" and one for babies. This was two years ago. I JUST got the question from the eight-year-old, "How does the sperm get in there?"
There is nothing we can do to keep our children innocent when the world is fighting against it. However, we have the right to be the ones who tell our children about it. I would talk to my children and let them have a clinical knowledge before anyone else tells them.
We were able to discuss the morals. I was able to say, this is for when you are married. Having women around us who are single moms gave me the opportunity to state that doing this without a wedding ring is just wrong. She understood that life without a daddy is a very sad life and she should not even consider that.
Please also consider that menstuation is starting earlier in girls. I started at 13. Now some girls start at 9. That is 4th grade. Maybe the whole thing is because of that.
>>my husband says a daddy gives something special to a mommy and sometimes God will turn it into a baby. <<
God bless your hubby!!!!!
What a wonderful answer!
(now how do I break it to my eight-year-old about Santa?)
Check out the curriculum. It may be just biology and not too intense. My son learned the same terms in sixth grade science and he didn't ask any questions. (He was 4th grade age). He does Bob Jones HomeSat, which is EXTREMELY conservative.
This year, his science for 7th grade was Life Science. I suspect it would be tame too, but I'm playing it safe (he's fifth grade age now) and switching sciences. So he's doing 8th grade "Space and Earth Science" this year.
Nice comments.
True, kids do get curious about animal mating around that time.
"I pay a ton of money to send my child to Catholic school hoping to avoid the problems of government school that forces sex ed on kids at an earlier and earlier age. I'm really upset."
You should consider home education.
Private schools (by and large) operate under the same paradigm that government schools do: the "best" way to educate children is in large groups of same aged children. I simply don't agree with that. It isn't a reflection of the reality the children will encounter outside of school, and by it's nature teaching a large group of children means teaching to an average or common denominator.
If your objective is to impart as much information, morality, and decency to your children as possible in the short time that you'll have them, then the obvious choice in my view is to home educate them. Some jobs are just too important to be left to surrogates.
As for the sex education, I think the parents should be the ones to decide when that should be taught and how. Again, an argument in favor of home education.
I would note, though, that your children are probably already getting something an alternative sex education course from their peers in school. I remember my peers talking about sex at about that age. Complete with lots of very interesting speculation and nontruths. Given the obsession with sex in our culture, I don't see how to shelter children from it completely past the age of 8 or 9 anyway. If your kids can read, they can read the front page of Cosmopolitan magazine while sitting in line to buy groceries.
Eggs and sperm are pretty basic stuff, as long as they keep it simple. Having the local gay and lesbian society in is another story.
"Unfortunately, the diocese in which we live now requires that homeschoolers send their children to CCD classes. If we don't, our children cannot receive the sacraments."
Grrrrr.
Holding a sacrament above the heads of parents as as a tool to obtain enrollment in an education program is so completely wrong in my view. The Holy Mysteries (Sacraments) are a gift from God. Not a carrot to be used to compel obedience.
So what does your Diocese do about children who due to a physical or mental handicap are unable to participate in these classes?
Happily, eastern Catholics and the Orthodox completely avoid the whole issue. Baptizing, Chrismating, and giving first Eucharist to infants definitely has it's advantages.
Just like God intended it.
Absent information from parents and teachers kids will learn things wrong. '...if my ear was a .... I would ....'.
Like most things the devil is in the details.
I'm not sure what the policy is on students with a handicap who cannot attend CCD. I wholeheartedly agree that holding the sacraments over our heads to force our children into CCD is wrong. It makes me very angry. I went through the CCD classes here and I don't want my children attending them.
True comments. It used to tick my parents off though, how few people came to the parent previews. BTW, most schools I know of have abstinence programs starting in middle school - I have no problem with any child seeing those. Not all parents are as involved as they should be and for some kids, the only thing they'll hear will be from the school or the streets. In that case, the former would be better.
Boy, you are one reasonable person, kind of the opposite of what I often hear. All eight of us children went through both abstinence and non-abstinence programs (including recently). My mom and dad sometimes let us take the classes and sometimes they didn't. When they didn't, it wasn't any big deal. It meant I could get ahead in my homework. :) But my parents DID make sure that our "sex" education consisted of knowing that sex was a beautiful thing reserved for a lawfully married man and wife. With that ingrained, the other stuff didn't have much effect.
I do NOT want any sexual material though in the elementary grades. That's why I'm glad the PTA/parents does/do the "maturation" program at my school. We've never had any troubles and things have gone smoothly.
Sounds like your parents did a very good job.
I saw one abstinence program designed for a middle school and it was actually very good. It talked about all the diseases that spread from sex outside a marriage and that everyone should wait until they were married. In a public school in south Texas! (Religious beliefs were never mentioned but implied. Also, the instructor was a fairly young, very handsome, cool-looking guy that said he waited until he got married. I imagine a person like that saying that would influence more kids than all the lectures us parents can give.)
That's why I say for any concerned parents to see the parent preview first. You could be pleasantly surprised.
All the schools around here have abstinence based programs. Even though not all the ones do back home (and we didn't always have them), abstinence was still mentioned as the best possible antidote to unsafe sex. Thanks for your well-timed and wonderful comments.
Curious, are you talking about Baltimore?
Funny, my children attend public school and there is no sex ed at all until 8th grade. The sex ed program was abstinence based.
That said, one day when my son was 3 years old he was sitting on the floor and acting like he was going to vomit. We knew a woman who was pregnant and he was pretending to give birth. As I would have explained any misconceptions about hearts or stomachs, I felt it was best to explain. I glossed over the hard part and simply said that the daddy gives the sperm to the mommy.
12 hours later, the kid woke me up wanting to know HOW the daddy gave the sperm.
My youngest didn't ask a single question until he was playing Zoo Tycoon one day and wondered why he had more whales. I think he was 6 years old and he was totally grossed out by my explanation.
FWIW, my kids' (Catholic) school has a "Family Life" program, that is totally non-sexual until 6th grade, when the "sperm+egg=baby" formula is first presented.
I myself received the first presentation in the sixth grade as well (public school). As I recall, the girls and boys were separated (as they should be today, too, IMO), and each was shown a cartoon movie entitled "Mr.Sperm and Mrs. Egg Get Married." Mrs. Egg wore a white gown of silk organza and Mr. Sperm looked dapper in morning coat and spats! Then the teachers told both sets of children about menstruation (only a couple of girls even BELIEVED that one -- the ones who'd already gotten their periods; I don't know how the boys reacted). The sex act was not discussed at that time, and by the time it WAS discussed, Mommy and/or Daddy had already had the Little Talk with us. (And I didn't believe THAT one, either!)
So...I think you're right to be a bit concerned. This instruction can wait a year or two. Talk to the principal and attend the Parents' Guild or PTA meeting to speak to other parents about it. What's great about private schools is that things CAN be changed by the parents.
Good luck to you,
Regards,
"Curious, are you talking about Baltimore?"
Yes, school is a little north of it.
Thanks again everyone for your insight, I have scheduled an appointment to talk with the principal and will let you know whats up.
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