Posted on 09/11/2006 10:39:33 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”
Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”
But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”
One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.
It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
You misunderstood. Posting "Men get this straight!" with the finger-wagging exclamation mark triggers our anti-lecture and anti-scold radars. Now you know.
We looked into homeschooling, but one of my daughters is special needs. She needs some special reading tutoring, and the private school offers it every day. It's better for my daughter to have consistency. Plus, she has speech problems and some social problems, and being around nice kids is a great thing for her.
For my other daughter, she would be dragged around to tutoring and speech therapy for her sister. She'd be in the car more than anything else, and that's not a great school environment.
We've thought about homeschooling, but it just doesn't seem feasible for us right now.
You would have someone who doesn't know braille teach a blind child braille?
You would have someone who doesn't know sign language teach your child sign language?
Some parents do pull some kids with special needs out to homeschool because that is what is best for that child.
However, to make a blanket statement that there is nothing better than homeschooling a special needs child (or any other child) is just a stupid statement.
I have someone someone who has a master's degree in special education with lots of training in mulit-sensory reading programs working with my child.
If I could have taught my child to read, she would be reading right now. Her identical twin sister learned to read when she was 4. My special needs child is 9, and is still struggling with reading.
I have worked with a neuropsychologist, a learning specialist, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist to figure out the best placement for my daughter.
You don't know what you are talking about.
Yes, I do have a tendency to be a bit passionate and finger waving at times in my discourse (male and female a like). Needless to say, I've had to pick a strong man that won't let me push him around :-). I grew up with loads of older teasing brothers and a tough passionate father. I learned early on to be a warrior and to correct harshly at times.
But you are right. No one likes to be exclamation pointed :-), especially the guys. Sometimes passion takes over. Ah, thank God for God.
But I have found men like it clear and straight. Sometimes it makes them angry, but they like the directness, compared with some of these mamby bamy, wormy, unclear communication styles we often see with women when addressing men. Be clear and direct is my motto. It is best to be kind as well.
WARNING: THIS IS AN EXCLAMATION POINT FREE POST.
How many kids with severe brain damage do you know?????
Geez, the neuropsychologist that has tested my daughter has a PhD, and has worked with kids for over 20 years.
How do you know that I am not directly involved?
My daughter should be severely handicapped in a wheelchair, but she is not because of direct intervention of specialist and myself. I work hours with her to keep her where she should be. The fact that she can walk and run is a miracle. Then she can read (and is only slightly below grade level), and she is actually above grade level in math is an even greater miracle.
You are sounding like a total fool.
I think the # 1 job of a wife is to make her husband feel good about himself. Make him feel successful, important, and wanted. It doesn’t matter whether he’s a potato farmer or a CEO, he will always need his ego boosted.
1. The correct way to do just that, and
2. What women can get out of it for themselves.
"How" and "why," if you will.
You're right about that. I ask myself everytime while I'm waiting outside a dressing room waiting for my wife..."Now how did she talk me into this?" :)
I married one career woman, and might just marry another. I see no problems with this. If they walk in G-d's path, a career is just fine.
Forty creeps up on us before we know it ... keep your eye on the ball and keep your sense of humour while making your fortune ... there will always be women available for such a man!
SoS
Meh, that whole "plan" of mine was totally speculative anyway. I don't think I'll want to be thirty and living by decisions I made when I was eighteen.
The one thing you have not taken into account is ... falling in love ... it does happen and usually when one least expects it.Keep your powder dry and your options open. LOL
Grr. Accursed emotions and their accursed unpredictability.
L O L !
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