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Dear FRiend of RobFromGa,

I can tell you what worked for me. After many, many times of being forced into AA due to numerous DUI's (I was once mentioned in the newspaper as being among those with the greatest number of DUI arrests in Ohio.), I thought I was a failure because it just "wouldn't take." Then I experienced my last drunk. It was a hot, summer day where I had bicycled one more time into the country to get drunk. Needless to say, the State had my driver's license again. How I tried to have the alcohol work its miracle of happiness once again. It didn't. No matter how much I tried there was just an empty nothingness with no sense of intoxication at all.

I went back to my parent's house where I was forced to live - a forty year old man reduced to living with his parents - and cried out to The Almighty to help me. I knew I couldn't do it alone. I continued with my Court-mandated AA meetings and didn't drink each day, but still didn't believe I could ever "get it."

After nine months of simply existing without alcohol and drugs, a miracle happened. I allowed myself to believe that if AA could help those I saw around me, it just might help me too. That was the first part. The second part of the miracle was the realization that I had to purposely put myself through pain.

All my life I had used alcohol and drugs to escape pain: social isolation, depression and failure. I ran from the the emotional reality and tried so very hard to bury what was in my heart and mind. Then I finally decided I HAD to face the emotional pain of working the 12 Steps. I had to purposely choose the pain of reality and honest self-appraisal to get better. But wonderful and supportive people kept telling me that I would get better.

It CAN work for you and by WILLINGLY facing your pains you can emerge into a new world which holds out hope. Best of luck FRiend.

To Rob's FRiend

I'd suggest ditching the anti-depressants as well. I think you are better off addicted to alcohol than those little monsters. I'm not saying 'everyone ditch your meds', but that crap gets prescribed way too often. Doctors get kickbacks for prescribing that stuff, so they have incentive to subscribe it.

You go into the Dr and say 'I drink too much. I have quit and now I'm depressed'. Doc will sign you up for some program and prescribe a pill or 3 and get a kickback for the program and the pills. Meanwhile, his drugs are going to affect your perception of reality, alter your moods in an unnatural way, and get you addicted to the pills instead of the booze.

Get involved in something that makes you feel good about yourself. That can be anything from volunteer work to getting a hobby you enjoy (other than drinking).

It's difficult to just give up one aspect of your life without replacing it with something else. Change your daily routine. Maybe start by going for a walk or a bike ride (getting the blood flowing with exercise can give you a new attitude) or go fishing if it's convenient. Little first steps like that will also give you some time to think about other things you may want to look into.

A pet can be a mood lifter, going to the shelter and adopting a cat or dog might also give you a positive feeling about doing something good, and be a constant reminder that you made a difference in the life of that animal.

Don't look at a couple of drinks you had one night out of the week as a sign of your weakness or that you failed until you are convinced it is something that you must give up completely. I'm not a professional and am not speaking from experience, I'm just speaking from common sense.

I think also one thing that rings a bell between you and a friend of mine who has an alcohol abuse problem is their perception that others like the 'drunken clown' you and don't like the 'sober you'. That is not the opinion our friends have of him, and I suspect it is a similar circumstance with you.

My friends and I are concerned about our friend, and we enjoy his company sober or not. He is at his worst when he drinks too much and doesn't know or remember what he does. When he is in NEED of getting drunk and unable to do anything else unless alcohol is involved it also is a concern. It becomes his main focus, and he cannot enjoy himself until objective drunk is met. That is what we do not like, the need for alcohol. The person is well liked and enjoyable. The need for alcohol in the person is not.

Dear Unknown Freeper:

I don't know how long you've been struggling with alcohol, but I struggled for a few years before I realized the Lord was telling me to stop...just stop. I remember having a lot of prayer support at the time. This is my prayer for you, FRiend:

Heavenly Father, I lift this person up to you now - I don't know their name, but You know them, and you know their heart. Please remove all desire for alcohol from them, make them not crave it, and crave only Your Living Water instead. Father, please draw him/her to Your embrace. I pray that he/she would remember that You our Redeemer and Forgiver, and all that guilt, shame, and everything else can be left at the foot of Your Cross. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name.

You will continue to be in my prayers. Remember to lean on Him, He is your Rock right now. And He knows you're afraid to reach out to Him, but He's there to listen and comfort you when you're ready.

When I was going through a difficult time, I felt like He left me behind - I stopped praying and reading the Bible. But, looking back, I was the one who left Him, and when I started reading His Word again, and praying, all these things - guilt, shame, self-pity - that I was holding onto I was able to submit to His Will. And I will say He has healed me. There is hope, no matter how hopeless you may feel right now.

Again, you'll be in my prayers.

Rachel

There's a lot of great aadvice here (Freudian slip?!) and I don't know if my view can help, but here goes ...

Some people are born with a propensity to be depressed, or alcoholic, or contrarily, born with a naturally sunny disposition, I think. In my family, my Dad and his Dad, and one of my brothers- were all alcoholics. My Mom, 3 of my brothers, and I were not alcoholics. For my part, I was clinically depressed for many, many decades, but just thought I must be terrifically "aware" of the "real" world, but others were not (I'm embarassed, even now, to admit that particular bit of stupidity!); and my Mom couldn't understand why I was so "dark"- because she was so "sunny". After I was aided by a medical professional to chase around various ant-depressants, to find one that worked well, I found one that has made all the difference in my life, both emotionally and therefore, otherwise. And alcohol, of course, is a natural depressant, which your friend probably already knows would be not a good thing to combine with any anti-depressant, because one fights the other and the danger of seizure. And I would add to the advice on Vit C, etc, that excercise helps (endorphins multiply, oxygen increased to the brain, and helps to focus on the outer world, not to mention gives you something to do other than drink).

Anyway, my point is that I suspect people's emotional proclivities are driven by their own internal structure- their neuron pathways, their "re-uptake inhibitors", their brain structure, the chemical make-up of various organic structures in their bodies.

So, rather than focus on how crappy the world looks when temporarily sober, maybe it helps to realize one's view is heavily influenced by one's particular body chemistry, and that, just as alcohol temporarily "treats" the problem, somewhat, although in very debilitating ways, so can other, more healthy treatments (Vit C, perhaps an anti-depressant, exercise, etc, etc), may help one's body to adjust one's mind to see a better vision of Life.

Tweak that chem.

I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.

He knows everything you have done, even more than you do.

Handle it.

Get over the (false) pride, and don't cut yourself off from the one who can do something for you, who will never have somewhere else to be, or something so pressing you will have to wait.

Me and Jesus, mostly Jesus, 17 years sober.

Life isn't perfect, but then my idea of 'perfect' might not be His plan.

I sure do better in His hands than when I was holding the reins, so let go and let God show you the way.

It is easier if you get your head around one thing. You don't drink. Look at it that way.

As for the mess in your life, yep. It took a while to get it that way, it'll take a while to straighten it out--one step at a time, one problem at a time, one day at a time, life gets better. Don't overwhelm yourself with the big picture, do what you can, about what you can, when you can--and do not obscess about the rest.

God never gives you a problem without the means to solve it. Sometimes you can just get up and 'do something' and fix it. Other times, it does not work that way, so be patient. Let your actions speak to the world and save your words for meetings.

Remembering you in prayer,

Smokin' Joe

We live in a microwave, need-for-speed world. A journey is not a time machine that transports you from where you are to where you want to be. A journey from coast to coast requires you to pass through many states. It does not end in any of those states, but you must go through them to get to the other coast. Veering off the chosen path only makes your journey longer and more difficult. Constant focus on not where you are, but where you are going. Course adjustment if you've veered off. Quitting will never get you to the other coast, only to a state you aren't happy in.

The state you are in now won't last forever, unless you choose to stay there. (I've felt that way on the Penn Turnpike before, but kept going and eventually got out of it).

As a Christian, you should turn to God's Word. Read the Psalms and see how desperate David was many times in his life. Your enemies right now are the symptoms of withdrawal, your self pity and your isolation. Reaching out is good, leaning on others until you relearn to stand on your own is not shameful, but it is humbling.

Try Psalms 27, 31, 40, 51, 139 to start with. Next fill you mind with lists of your blessings. Be grateful for all you do have. Include Philippians 4:6-9 in your meditations.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
His peace to you.

For our Freeper Friend, Rob..

Dear Freeper friend..

You are not alone. Humble yourself before the Lord. Submit to him. He's waiting for you to reach out. Romans 3:10 proclaims, "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one."

Thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on you and ask for his divine intervention to bring love, friends and joy to your life. And if you have love and friends already, then thank him for that.

Watch A&E's "Intervention" on Sunday nights. You will see the devastating effects drugs and/or alcohol have on individuals and their families. See, most people live a life of quiet desperation, yet find joy in the little things..even if it's a nature walk..YOU CAN DO IT!

Stop the medications asap. You are trading one bushel of problems for another bushel of crap that is even more rotten.

Discourage past drinking buddies from coming around unless they are ready to quit and need your help.

Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself? There is much to be done. Too few hands to do it.

Suggestions
Get off your butt and DO something productive.

Walk, exercise, go pick up trash along the road, help a neighbor clean up their yard, clean your house or apartment and throw crap away, paint a room an outrageous color, plant a small garden, drink lots of water and eat fresh veggies and cut back on heavy meals of meat or starches in your diet. Your body and soul needs to heal. You need to feed both to get better.

Do something nice for someone you hurt in the past and ask them for their forgiveness and help on the path to your new life.

Decide that YOU are in charge of your life. No one is to blame for your life or your circumstances. Blaming others is a LIBERAL thing. Your life is what you make it. Make it GOOD!

Your path and future are only limited by your imagination and now that you are alcohol free your creativity can be unleashed.

You have taken the first step and feel uncertain. Take deep lung fulls of air and head down the road. Reach out to family members and ask them for help and support.

Stop the medications asap! But talk to your doctor about it.

Don't relapse! If you do, pick yourself up and realize that a mis-step does not destroy the journey you have undertaken.

I'm not much of a praying man, but I'll say one for you.

You CAN do it. No one else can do it for you. Believe in YOU!

Let's see ... what always helped me then and what helps now, 20+ years later ...

1) The Lord is my Shepherd ... I shall not want ... He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ... (*maketh* is the key word here - He does not *request* nor *suggest* that we lie down - He *makes* us) ... He leadeth me beside the still waters ... He restoreth my soul ... He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His Name's sake ...

Yea, though *I'm right now walking* through the Valley ... of the Shadow of Death ... I will fear no evil ... for Thou art with me ... Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me ... (now my favorite part) ... Thou preparest a table before me *in the presence of mine enemies* ... (hey, I'm at a banquet fit for Henry VIII and there's old Barnswoggle, my arch-nemesis, in leg irons without a fork and just 2 feet from the table!) ... Thou anointest my head with oil ... my cup (of hot chocolate) runneth over ...

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me (as the wake follows the speedboat) all the days of my life and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever ... Amen!

2) On gratitude, my sponsor asks me: Do you have a roof over your head? Food on your table? Clothes on your back? A little money in your pocket? Then, you've got it made!

3) If that doesn't work, a written gratitude list comes next: roof, food, clothes, spare change ... computer with which to email RobFromGA ... Free Republic ... RobFromGA ... Internet connection ... phone/cable ... hands for typing ... coordination to type ... eyes to see monitor ... breath ... feet to stick in my mouth ... mouth for sticking feet in ... you get the picture!

4) Quick trip to the 4th Step: "I can't. He can. I think I'll let Him."

5) You may sit down and cry once a day, for as long as you want to. Go ahead, try it. (I never last longer than 5 minutes.)

6) Just constantly repeat the one-word prayer that everyone knows, over and over, out loud or to yourself ... "Help!"

If he can sit still enough and/or focus enough to read, I recommend "A New Pair of Glasses" by Chuck C.

Keep Coming Back
It Works if You Work It
Easy Does It
Let Go and Let God
Rarely Have We Seen A Person Fail
Stay in the Here and Now
Fake It Till You Make It
Just For Today
K.I.S.S.
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!
We get a daily reprieve, contingent upon our spiritual condition.
First Things First
God is the Easier, Softer Way
Good Orderly Direction
If you think the program is too simple, go out and drink some more. By the time you get back you'll be simple enough for the program.
Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.
HALT - don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired

Dear FRiend,

I never fail to cry at that stupid TV commercial about depression, where it affects everyone around you, and you see the screen shot of the poor doggy holding on to his leash, and there is no one to take him for a walk. Depression is like that, you just don't care.

For me, depression was always just wanting to stay in bed, the covers over my head, and a bad of Chips Ahoy at my side. You see, food for me is alcohol for you. The world was just too damn scary, too many liberals, too many terrorists, too many people making my life a living hell. That black hole is a scary place, cause you truly believe there is no way out. I know I have been there.... more times that I care to remember.

The worst part of that black hole? The darkness is so thick and all consuming, you do not realize that other people are their with you. Do you think you are the only one who has felt this bad? I bet their are a few million of us who could talk of this place like some people talk about the trip to 6-Flags or Vegas.

But none of that matters right now, your head ready to explode. I know that feeling too. I also know that a drink will only make the pain go away for a little while, than come back with a vengeance, along with whatever you did while drinking. All of those so called friends you have while drinking are only that, drinking friends, and yes, get sober and they will hate you. So what, part of that hate is because you can beat this and they cannot.

What to do, what to do, that is the dilemma. That is up to you. My husband, a recovering alcoholic, took up golf. I just got out of bed, and keep myself busy so I don't crawl back in (and I will tell you, sometimes it is SOOOO hard to get out of bed, but I do it, I have to)

You are very special, you know that? I do not know you, I could walk past you on the street and not know your face, but I cried when I read your letter, because I could have written it! Word for word, tear for tear. I would be more than willing to email with you privately if that will help you. Don't wonder why I would do that, just do it OK. Gods children must stick together in this scary world, because if we don't find strength from each other, where can we find it from?

Donna

backinthefold

Last guy I helped "over the net" was a knee-jerk Liberal who hated Conservatives. Worked with him for months until he felt well enough to come back at me with arguments.

The anger focused on a news topic was good ~ gave him a place to hold onto.

That was a problem with too many surgeries over too short a period with too many different varieties of pain killers. Getting over the pain killers was the battle ~ and quite depressing.

Shouldn't hurt anyone to get a koan in his grasp and devote his or her available (probably limited) resources to it and thereby work his way to health.

BTW, just because they're Buddhists doesn't mean the Zen Buddhists are wrong ~ and maybe a guy could work his way through that philosophy and see what can be improved with the least amount of effort.

A book on the topic that was quite popular was called "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".

In these cases I am convinced that those things that work are more useful than those things that don't work.

Dear Freeper in need,

Be gentle on yourself. If people said to us the horrible things we say to ourselves, we'd smack the crap out of them.

I am still recovering from my depression and I am not going to lie, there are days it's an uphill battle. But I've tilted the scale so the good outweighs the bad tenfold. It's realizing that God puts us all here for a reason and I am worthy of His love no matter what. See yourself through His eyes-- a wounded spirit who deserves love and another chance. Take joy in the little things, because quickly they add up to big things.

I've always loved this quote from Einstein, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Trust me, you are a miracle. God bless you.

Worry about things you cannot change is wasted effort.

The world is not perfect, but it never was... and it never will be.

You think you have it bad, our Lord and Savior had to live daily knowing he would be betrayed by one of his closest friends and confidants, that he would be publicly tortured and humiliated... baked bleeding in the hot sun nailed to a cross and die a horrible death.

If you biggest worries in life are the issues of grand geopolitical issues such as war and poverty and such, you are damnedably lucky. Instead of focusing on the evil of the world... Evil that will exist until the end time... nothing you and I do can stop it from existing... focus on the good.

There is good in the world.. lots of it. Yes, you won't find much of it on the evening news, or in the paper, or even in much of popular entertainment these days... after all our abherantly stained souls are much more easily facinated by a slaughter of 1 man by evil, than the thousands of good works that happen every day quietly.

If you doubt this world is good, then only go find a nice forest or woods to walk through... a state or national park if you don't have any private land you can walk.... Go out there, take some water, maybe a walking stick, and a compass and map if you don't know the area well... and start walking... and keep walking until you see and hear the world that is... not the world that is being fed to you by others.

If you need to find purpose, then find those that help others... your local church or community groups.... and get involved. You don't need to be an evangelical to do God's will or God's work, heck you don't even have to be all that holy.. just be who you are, and bring what you have to the table. Remember, some of the worlds greatest saints were first some of the worlds greatest sinners.

You do these things and you will come to find that the world is indeed so beautiful, and so good, that we take it for granted... we don't even notice it when it is right in front of our eyes because it is so common and so pleantiful.

Do not dispare, and do not fear.. God does love you, and he cares for you.... even if you "both know you are the problem"... After all, he knows that even with our best efforts...we all are... after all, he doesn't make mistakes.

All good things in this world come from God, he only lets us use them for a little while.... so use them, all of them, to make things better in whatever way you can...

I cannot walk a mile in your shoes, you cannot walk a mile in mine.. but someone walks every mile in both our shoes.. so don't be afraid to confer with him.. he knows the path you have walked. Every step, every stumble, every summit and valley, he was there and will be there. Whatever past things bring you shame, do not dwell on them... he will forgive you if you only ask. You must also be able to forgive yourself.

If you stumble, you are human... do not dwell on them, work to not repeat them... but never did a man walk a journey of any distance where he did not stumble, and never at the end of that road were the stumbles what defined his reward.