Recovering Freeper in Need

Freepmail | August 28, 2006 | unknown

[RobFromGa]

Dear Rob,

"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.

I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].

Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .

I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.

The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".

What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.

You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.

If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.

God Bless You and have a great week,

[RobFromGa]

yes, I was a "shallow bottom" alcoholic that didn't lose everything before I quit. Many people told me that might hurt my recovery. So far, so good, but I'm still breathing so I'm not out of the woods yet. :-)

I am glad that I didn't kill anyone, or lose my family, or job, and that I was able to avoid prison. I'll take the shallow bottom anyday.

[trebb]

Yep - when nothing else works, go to meetings, go to meetings, go to meetings. Then, go to more meetings.

Celebrated 18 years on 11 Aug.

Rob - tell your friend that, as one of God's kids, there's nothing He wants more than for those in need to supplicate themselves before Him and put themselves in His capable hands. He also needs to go to so many mettings that he can't remember what it's like to not go to meetings.

[larryjohnson]

lift weights

[spectre]

For our Freeper Friend, Rob..

Dear Freeper friend..

You are not alone. Humble yourself before the Lord. Submit to him. He's waiting for you to reach out. Romans 3:10 proclaims, "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one."

Thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on you and ask for his divine intervention to bring love, friends and joy to your life. And if you have love and friends already, then thank him for that.

Watch A&E's "Intervention" on Sunday nights. You will see the devastating effects drugs and/or alcohol have on individuals and their families. See, most people live a life of quiet desperation, yet find joy in the little things..even if it's a nature walk..YOU CAN DO IT!

sw

[RobFromGa]

A few notes from my journal, I haven't read these thoughts from my initial recovery in over two years:

- "Expectations interfere with my serenity. Things sometimes happen in their own time and cannot be rushed or forced. Patience in regards to expectations is a good thing."

-"I should act directly where possible, and not waste effort worrying or trying to control things I cannot control, I can just act to reduce or eliminate their impact."

-"Don't wish for everything to be easier, work to make my self better."

-"Freedom and responsibility are two sides of the same coin. I make my own decisions and I am responsible for those decisions and where they lead me".

-"Sometimes things happen to you that are not happening TO you, they are just happening. Don't take eveything so personal."

-"Be a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving, and my life will get better. Teach this to my children."

-"Do things for the way they make me feel about myself."

-"The first drink is the one that I must avoid at all costs."

-"Remember to count my blessings. My blessings are those things that I have been given that I was not directly responsible for. They are abundant."

-"Don't squander my blessings."

-"I will never drink again. Remember that alcohol is neither cunning or powerful, it is an inanimate toxic poisonous liquid that sits on a shelf in its bottle until consumed. There is no necessity to consume it for any reason. It has no power to make me consume it."

[listenhillary]

Stop the medications asap. You are trading one bushel of problems for another bushel of crap that is even more rotten.

Discourage past drinking buddies from coming around unless they are ready to quit and need your help.

Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself? There is much to be done. Too few hands to do it.

Suggestions
Get off your butt and DO something productive.

Walk, exercise, go pick up trash along the road, help a neighbor clean up their yard, clean your house or apartment and throw crap away, paint a room an outrageous color, plant a small garden, drink lots of water and eat fresh veggies and cut back on heavy meals of meat or starches in your diet. Your body and soul needs to heal. You need to feed both to get better.

Do something nice for someone you hurt in the past and ask them for their forgiveness and help on the path to your new life.

Decide that YOU are in charge of your life. No one is to blame for your life or your circumstances. Blaming others is a LIBERAL thing. Your life is what you make it. Make it GOOD!

Your path and future are only limited by your imagination and now that you are alcohol free your creativity can be unleashed.

You have taken the first step and feel uncertain. Take deep lung fulls of air and head down the road. Reach out to family members and ask them for help and support.

Stop the medications asap! But talk to your doctor about it.

Don't relapse! If you do, pick yourself up and realize that a mis-step does not destroy the journey you have undertaken.

I'm not much of a praying man, but I'll say one for you.

You CAN do it. No one else can do it for you. Believe in YOU!

[Pegita]

Joining our FReeper family in prayer that "Recovering" will take hold of the sound advice and seek out AA. Great is the Lord's faithfulness, for surely He sustains him in this dark hour.

[Rte66]

Let's see ... what always helped me then and what helps now, 20+ years later ...

1) The Lord is my Shepherd ... I shall not want ... He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ... (*maketh* is the key word here - He does not *request* nor *suggest* that we lie down - He *makes* us) ... He leadeth me beside the still waters ... He restoreth my soul ... He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His Name's sake ...

Yea, though *I'm right now walking* through the Valley ... of the Shadow of Death ... I will fear no evil ... for Thou art with me ... Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me ... (now my favorite part) ... Thou preparest a table before me *in the presence of mine enemies* ... (hey, I'm at a banquet fit for Henry VIII and there's old Barnswoggle, my arch-nemesis, in leg irons without a fork and just 2 feet from the table!) ... Thou anointest my head with oil ... my cup (of hot chocolate) runneth over ...

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me (as the wake follows the speedboat) all the days of my life and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever ... Amen!

2) On gratitude, my sponsor asks me: Do you have a roof over your head? Food on your table? Clothes on your back? A little money in your pocket? Then, you've got it made!

3) If that doesn't work, a written gratitude list comes next: roof, food, clothes, spare change ... computer with which to email RobFromGA ... Free Republic ... RobFromGA ... Internet connection ... phone/cable ... hands for typing ... coordination to type ... eyes to see monitor ... breath ... feet to stick in my mouth ... mouth for sticking feet in ... you get the picture!

4) Quick trip to the 4th Step: "I can't. He can. I think I'll let Him."

5) You may sit down and cry once a day, for as long as you want to. Go ahead, try it. (I never last longer than 5 minutes.)

6) Just constantly repeat the one-word prayer that everyone knows, over and over, out loud or to yourself ... "Help!"

If he can sit still enough and/or focus enough to read, I recommend "A New Pair of Glasses" by Chuck C.

Keep Coming Back
It Works if You Work It
Easy Does It
Let Go and Let God
Rarely Have We Seen A Person Fail
Stay in the Here and Now
Fake It Till You Make It
Just For Today
K.I.S.S.
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!
We get a daily reprieve, contingent upon our spiritual condition.
First Things First
God is the Easier, Softer Way
Good Orderly Direction
If you think the program is too simple, go out and drink some more. By the time you get back you'll be simple enough for the program.
Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.
HALT - don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired

[backinthefold]

Dear FRiend,

 

I never fail to cry at that stupid TV commercial about depression, where it affects everyone around you, and you see the screen shot of the poor doggy holding on to his leash, and there is no one to take him for a walk. Depression is like that, you just don't care.

 

For me, depression was always just wanting to stay in bed, the covers over my head, and a bad of Chips Ahoy at my side. You see, food for me is alcohol for you. The world was just too damn scary, too many liberals, too many terrorists, too many people making my life a living hell. That black hole is a scary place, cause you truly believe there is no way out. I know I have been there.... more times that I care to remember.

 

The worst part of that black hole? The darkness is so thick and all consuming, you do not realize that other people are their with you. Do you think you are the only one who has felt this bad? I bet their are a few million of us who could talk of this place like some people talk about the trip to 6-Flags or Vegas.

 

But none of that matters right now, your head ready to explode. I know that feeling too. I also know that a drink will only make the pain go away for a little while, than come back with a vengeance, along with whatever you did while drinking. All of those so called friends you have while drinking are only that, drinking friends, and yes, get sober and they will hate you. So what, part of that hate is because you can beat this and they cannot.

 

What to do, what to do, that is the dilemma. That is up to you. My husband, a recovering alcoholic, took up golf. I just got out of bed, and keep myself busy so I don't crawl back in (and I will tell you, sometimes it is SOOOO hard to get out of bed, but I do it, I have to)

 

You are very special, you know that? I do not know you, I could walk past you on the street and not know your face, but I cried when I read your letter, because I could have written it! Word for word, tear for tear. I would be more than willing to email with you privately if that will help you. Don't wonder why I would do that, just do it OK. Gods children must stick together in this scary world, because if we don't find strength from each other, where can we find it from?

 

Donna

backinthefold

[RobFromGa]

I love all of my FReeper friends. You are all the best.

And thanks a lot backinthefold for making me cry. :-)

[RobFromGa]

I would just caution our friend who is under a doctor's care to not to stop taking any medication unless his doctor is part of that decision. There are many different conditions that could mean the medication is an absolute requirement and none of us know your medical history, and you must assume that none of us are doctors.

The rest of your advice is spot on...

[RobFromGa]

Excellent advice....

[McGavin999]

First of all, he needs some serious Vitamin B (might as well increase his other vitamins as well). His whole body is in upheaval and he needs help while it gets back to normal. The B vitamins will help with his energy and depression. Next he needs to start an exercise program (yes, once he gets the vitamins he'll feel like doing somthing). A walk will do for starts. Get out in the sunshine and WALK.

He's a Freeper, he's loved, he will now be prayed for.

[Ladysmith]

God bless you!! As I recovered from my own depression, I discovered God's Great Outdoors and now can't get enough of kayaking, camping, biking, snorkeling, etc. No stinkin' terrorist or liberal is going to deny me what God has given to us in His creation!

[muawiyah]

Last guy I helped "over the net" was a knee-jerk Liberal who hated Conservatives. Worked with him for months until he felt well enough to come back at me with arguments.

The anger focused on a news topic was good ~ gave him a place to hold onto.

That was a problem with too many surgeries over too short a period with too many different varieties of pain killers. Getting over the pain killers was the battle ~ and quite depressing.

Shouldn't hurt anyone to get a koan in his grasp and devote his or her available (probably limited) resources to it and thereby work his way to health.

BTW, just because they're Buddhists doesn't mean the Zen Buddhists are wrong ~ and maybe a guy could work his way through that philosophy and see what can be improved with the least amount of effort.

A book on the topic that was quite popular was called "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".

In these cases I am convinced that those things that work are more useful than those things that don't work.

[Ladysmith]

I would just caution our friend who is under a doctor's care to not to stop taking any medication unless his doctor is part of that decision. There are many different conditions that could mean the medication is an absolute requirement and none of us know your medical history, and you must assume that none of us are doctors.

Exactly right. Besides, many of those meds have to be weaned off of. The advice to stop cold turkey is simply dangerous.

[Hand em their arse]

Hey Rob,

I hope you are well, and thoughts and prayers being sent your friend's way... as well as your way that you continue to be a strong example for him also... When I got back from my first meeting I had a framed picture on my wall that my mother had given me years before... I'm sure I'd looked at it and read it from time to time, but I'll be damned if I'd remembered when, or remember that it was even there... It was the poem "Footprints In The Sand"... Truth be told, I'm sure I read it at least 25 times before going to bed that night... It really helped me, and I pray that maybe it helps your friend...

Dave

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

[retrokitten]

Dear Freeper in need,

Be gentle on yourself. If people said to us the horrible things we say to ourselves, we'd smack the crap out of them.

I am still recovering from my depression and I am not going to lie, there are days it's an uphill battle. But I've tilted the scale so the good outweighs the bad tenfold. It's realizing that God puts us all here for a reason and I am worthy of His love no matter what. See yourself through His eyes-- a wounded spirit who deserves love and another chance. Take joy in the little things, because quickly they add up to big things.

I've always loved this quote from Einstein, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Trust me, you are a miracle. God bless you.

[MaryFromMichigan]

"I love all of my FReeper friends. You are all the best."

Yeah, just when I get discouraged reading posts of one freeper ragging on another, threads like this pop up.

I love this place.

[retrokitten]

I never fail to cry at that stupid TV commercial about depression, where it affects everyone around you, and you see the screen shot of the poor doggy holding on to his leash, and there is no one to take him for a walk.

LOL!! I always cry at that, too! Poor doggy.