Posted on 08/28/2006 4:09:24 AM PDT by RobFromGa
Dear Rob,
"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.
I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].
Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .
I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.
The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.
You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.
If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.
God Bless You and have a great week,
Get involved, volunteer your time and help people who really are in a bad way.
YOur friend will learn to appreciate what he has and realize what real problems are out there.
You've got to be kidding.
Hopefully, you don't volunteer at a place where people are in need of compassion or empathy.
Tell your friend to give himself a break and remember that especially in recovery----good comes very slow and bad comes very quickly.
Prayer, above all, and service, as others have stated, truly are healing.
Your friend doesn't seem to be tempted during work, so he/she should work or serve until its time to pray and sleep. Repeat daily. If you aren't in AA or NA, get there quickly. You'll be amazed at how many of us are just like you. Things will get better my friend.
As others have said on here, it doesn't sound as if your friend was ever really sober. Sobriety is about a lot more than not drinking. I had to find out that our disease is spiritual, physical and mental (and it is primarily spiritual), and that is what our recovery needs to be as well.
They also used the word "proud" and ANYTIME I hear pride/proud used by a newcomer in ANY context, it sends up a "red flag" in my head. Pride is deadly for us and it needs to be eliminated.
This person needs a sponsor that has been sober for a long time and that he can see face to face on a very regular basis. I have long been hesitant to sponsor newcomers who are in therapy and are on medication. ALL newcomers are depressed, but most of this depression is from too much drinking and guilt, I don't believe they need more medication. By the same token, I am not going to sponsor someone who is going to take everything I say and run it by their shrink. I have been sober a long time, if someone wants me to sponsor them, then that is what they are going to get, but I WILL NOT "co-sponsor" somebody with a therapist.
re: AA
I think that one big value that can be gained from AA is the recognition that you are not a frek show, and that there are millions who have travelled the same road.
Anything I have done, there are many who have done far worse.
Anything that I have lost, there are many who have lost far more.
Any adversity I have overcome, there are many who have overcome far more.
So AA was, for me, about finding out that I am not the only person who had these thoughts and problems. That removed one major burden.
Somebody told me when I was first getting sober that:
- First it gets better,
- Then it gets worse,
- Then it gets different,
- Then it gets real different,
- Then it gets real.
I didn't have a clue what that meant at the time, but after about ten years it finally made sense.
Incoming FReepmail.
I've seen a lot of good advice, can't offer much more. I will pray for you and I agree don't stop praying. And if you have a good mom, go see her.
The bootstraps are broken. They need mending and it's going to take time. If you can't show a little empathy, then don't bother.
your points on therapy, medication and recovery are well taken.
These things can have some value esp during the physical withdrawal stages but at some point it can become enabling.
Because the mental (spiritual) aspect of recovery is the deepest part.
I went to AA meetings, and I kept a detailed journal during this first six to nine months, and as I would sit in the AA meetings, a million thoughts would go through my head on a topic. By the time it came to be my turn to share, I would usually have a pretty good grip on how that issue related to my experience. So, after the meeting I would usually write for ten or fifteen minutes and capture my thoughts.
Our depressed FRiend should spend more time examining his thinking with the help of a long-time sober sponsor.
When you can't pray to the Lord.....Praise Him!!!!
Turn on a Christian music station and sing your heart out, if you don't know the songs...listen to the words and understand and feel the grace and love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
SING :-) SING :-) SING :-)
Third Day has some GREAT songs!
Read some of Max Lucado's books especially "In the Grip of Grace" it is available in audio tape too...listen in the car, just be sure to pull off the road as you cry when you feel the release of guilt and the build up of Love from our Lord!
Lord be with you and keep you safe
Thank you...I know I will see the baby again in heaven.
OK, not gonna get all preachy here, but just some friendly advice.
1. You have admitted in front of God and everybody that you are the problem. That means that you have accepted responsibility for it; you're not blaming it on other people or your problems, you're taking personal responsibility for it. That's very good.
2. You are ashamed to look God in the face because you feel that you are basically an unredeemable sinner for what you consider your personal moral failings.
You probably haven't had a good "sit down" with the Big G for quite some time.
God is not angry with you for this. He understands why you haven't been around in awhile. He knows that you are embarrassed, that you feel unworthy of even looking up at him. But he didn't go anyplace, he's missed you, and he'd like to hear from you.
We're all sinners. God knows that. He loves you anyway.
Look brother, as dark as it seems, you have many blessings. You aren't sleeping under a bridge. You don't have to worry about roadside bombs when you drive to work. You have people who love you and care about ou, even though you may have forgotten about them.
You don't need to go to some preacher for this, you can talk to him directly. It's called prayer, as you know. If you can't think of how to start your prayer, start out by thanking God for all your blessings. And really mean it.
And watch where it goes from there. GBU
Sounds like he needs meds.
HAVE YOUR FREIND LOOK AT THIS:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/new_wine/enroll.php
IT IS ON-LINE,INTERACTIVE 60 DAY,CHRISTIAN INTERVENTION.
WE DO COUNSELLING AND IN THE CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY THIS IS IN MY OPINION THE BEST AVAILABLE.
FAR BETTER THAN A-A WHICH IS SECULER OR CELEBRATE RECOVERY OUT OF SADDLEBACK.
HAVE THEM FREEP-MAIL ME AND I'LL BE BLESSED TO DIALOGE,OR HAVE THEM GO TO MY PROFILE PAGE.
GODSPEED!
I do volunteer my time as a first responder so I know what I'm talking about and I'm a health professional working with death and dying all the time
I see real problems out there and people overcoming and trying to survive against incredible odds.
When you volunteer your time to help others you appreciate what you have and you find you don't have time for the pity party....and the rewards are knowing you make a difference.
It's a simple message, you just didn't get it.
I should've also added that besides volunteering if he's being depressed/blaming the news for his slip ups then --
Turn off the tv
...........and go do something positive !
I know that I now listen to Amazing Grace and understand the words after I quit drinking:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
’Twas blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear.
and grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed.
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun.
Amazing grace, ohh how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found,
was blind but now I see....
Good advice for everyone, Mom cares.
Megwetch, nican!!
I didn't see your initial post as a problem, advice comes in all flavors and maybe it is the kick in the pants type of advice that ends up helping the most. You never know what comment will come in handy.
That's why I thought that opening this up to all would likely be much better than me trying to give my opinions alone. And I think there is a lot of good advice here already.
re: volunteering
By going to AA, one finds that over time the emphasis shifts from what you can take from the group to what you can give to the newcomers in the group. But you must have some level of health yourself in order to help others. And as we all know when we teach something to others we are learning it better ourselves.
Thank you for the time that you volunteer as a first responder. What you do is a much needed, and under-appreciated task. God Bless You.
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