Recovering Freeper in Need

Freepmail | August 28, 2006 | unknown

[RobFromGa]

Dear Rob,

"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.

I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].

Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .

I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.

The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".

What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.

You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.

If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.

God Bless You and have a great week,

[RobFromGa]

thanks for caring about our FRiend...

[RobFromGa]

thanks for the prayers..

[RobFromGa]

we have definitely increased our expectations about how easy we think life should be, and how much stuff we are entitled to, and how much less effort we should have to expend to earn it... (not everyone, but generally speaking)

[IamConservative]

Little late in the game here, but, I would offer some personal experience.

Trying to quit drnking on your own and failing is in and of itself emotionally depressing. The repeated cycles of failing only reinforce ones negatives perceptions of themselves.

[trussell]

My pleasure Rob

[RobFromGa]

My own thoughts when I was 14 months sober (excerpted from If you Suspect You Have a Drinking Problem thread)...

"In that 14 months I have made it through two football tailgating seasons, over a hundred business lunches and dinners, numerous trips to Germany where beer flows like water, parties, picnics, Super Bowls, a Caribbean cruise, several family vacations, ups and down in life, etc. All things that I thought “required” alcohol.

Fortunately, I did not have some event that caused me to hit “rock bottom”. (I could have had many rock bottoms but I was lucky). Some people need to lose their job, lose their family, kill or seriously injure someone in a car accident, end up in prison, or many other horrible things that alcohol (or drugs) can cause in order to gather the will to quit.

Some people think that “bottom” is the only thing that can make a drinker quit for good. I have met many people who proved to me that this is false, you can make such a decision without going through the horrors. But in some ways it is tougher to take the first step.

In every other way, it is much easier to skip the “rock bottom” step and I hope that this letter helps at least one other person to avoid the lost job, lost marriage or prison route to sobriety.

Last October, I made a firm decision to quit and I followed through on that commitment. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I had similarly tried to control my drinking or quit at least 100 times before.

Why was I able to quit this time as compared with the previous 100 attempts? This is a very good question. The only answer I have come up with as to is that this time I was really ready to quit for myself alone. I was truly 100% sick and tired of the way alcohol affected me and I wanted a different life. All the other times I was, in some way, not really ready to control my drinking. The bottle was still in charge.

I tried many tactics: I’d only drink on weekends, only drink after 5pm, only drink at parties (almost anything can become a party in such a plan), only drink beer, only drink wine, only drink hard liquor, only drink things I didn’t like the taste of (I know it sounds nuts but I was nuts), only drink every other week, quit for a day, quit for a weekend, quit for a week, quit for “this vacation or event”. I tried every way to quit in the world to stop drinking except the way that eventually worked for me. -- RobFromGa"

[BirdHunter24]

Dear Friend,

I have been there and it does get better. I completely understand how you feel and will pray for you as you go through this time. Just remember that every "cheat" prolongs the pain.

Only God can fill the void that you are feeling. Pride is Satan's way of keeping us separated from God. Understand that everyone has failed God and that it is only His grace that allows ANY of us to continue on. Once you realize that we are all in the same boat and free yourself from your pride, things will get better...

Seeking the support of friends and family and finding a way to serve Him by serving others was key in helping me through my dark period. Remember that God created you for a purpose and that He wants a relationship with YOU, not the happy-go-lucky drunk that was in your place. He knows your heart and will both trust and forgive you as you become a new creation.

As I said before, I will pray for you, but be sure you are also praying for yourself. There is no substitute for a direct conversation with God!

God Bless.

[pollyannaish]

First, prayers for a fellow freeper.

Second, there is no shame too great to take to God. Peace amid the ugly chaos is the side effect of trust. Trust in God is built one prayer at a time.

I can not tell you how many times my prayer has simply been: "Help."

Hope you'll keep us updated Rob.

[retrokitten]

Rob, thanks so much for posting this update! I'm glad our FRiend is doing better.

[pollyannaish]

I have a feeling that you have never been, or known, someone with debilitating depression...or a full blown addiction.

Your advice is terrific for mildly depressed, but basically emotionally healthy person. It is also good advice for those recovering--after a certain point.

But for someone in this Freeper's state of being, it only adds guilt and despair. You can not imagine what it is like for someone who is barely holding it together to be told "Get your act together and do more." In fact, that is absolutely the LAST thing he needs.

Sometimes you need to know that you are not alone, that you are valued and that your continued presence on this earth is worth the effort to get healthy.

[3catsanadog]

Sounds like this guy is suicidal? Is he trying to recover from abuse of alcohol?

Whatever, my thoughts and prayers are with him. I've had spells where I just think I'm so worthless that I can't find any hope in my life. And the thoughts of ending it all cross my mind.

But my faith and belief in God does not allow me to end it all. My love for my family means that I can't do such a thing as to cause them undeserved guilt.

It's not easy; when I had those spells I would be on the floor crying from a depth I didn't know existed in my soul. And I only realized later that that crying was healing. All I could do was cry and plead "Help me God, Help me God." I was incapable of asking for specifics; but no matter, because God knew what I needed.

So friend, allow yourself to cry somewhere by yourself as much as possible. Let those tears flow and ask God to help you. Don't make a list of needs; you'll focus too much on what is wrong with you. Just ask God to help you - that's all. Over and over again if you feel like it but say no more than "God, please help me."

Those tears do wash out the toxic crud inside, they really do.

And now I lift you up to our Savior and Comfortor, Jesus Christ. Dear Lord, help this hurting soul. You know his needs and fears and guilt. Please release him and forgive him and help him to confess to you and ask forgiveness and above all, your perfect help. Let him cry and let his tears wash out the pain he feels. In Jesus' precious name, we pray, Amen.

[barker]

Thank you.

[barker]

Eventually, I pulled myself out of that dark place little by little.

Am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Have been in one of those dark places. You are much stronger than I would have been. Prayers for you.

[RobFromGa]

A note from our Recovering FRiend this afternoon:

Left my light on for about half an hour before going to sleep last night, and, yes, finally said my prayer.

Normally, I pray to God, because he sort of keeps a meta-database of things, while praying to Christ is actually frightening because he has a tendency to answer expeditiously.

God smiled, and Jesus just told me that I had been praying all day and to get some sleep, "you fool".

I woke up pissed off in a good way this morning.

- [Recovering FRiend]

No more self-alteration of antidepressant dosages. Sticking to the Rx until told otherwise.

[Lando Lincoln]

Rob,

I have read every word of this very moving thread. It is obvious that our FRiend is dealing with the cyclic emotional and physical strains of addiction recovery. Dark shadows of pain and doubt and surrender will wash over him time and again - I pray for his strength.

I am moved by other FReepers revealing their own addiction battles and especially those who have lost loved ones. Mrs. Lando lost her father to alcohol addiction. The pain, for her, remains fresh and real. I will never forget when she saw him for the first time after his passing. Her soft, barely audible, "Oh Daddy" will always echo in my soul. Her painful loss was magnified immensely because he chose to succumb. My point is this.....

If he is rash, the pain felt by our dear FRiend will manifest itself exponentially within those loved ones he holds most dear. But, if he stays on course, that pain will turn to joy for all.

I sincerely and most humbly pray for our FRiend.

Lando

[ryan71]

There's a story in the Bible...And I'm no Bible scholar, yet.

Jesus had a get together and invited peasants, tax collectors, your average Joes. The Jewish religious leaders questioned why he would associate with these "unworthy".

Jesus replied, "Their the ones who need help, who need the word of God. If they were perfect, they would not need God."

God wants to talk to you, especially when you're down. don't be ashamed.

[GreenHornet]

This man is in my prayers tonight, asking God to grant him strength as he struggles with his addiction.

[Quix]

Self-pity during some long dark nights of the soul almost killed me a few times.

I had to begin to treat it like the satanic poisonous snake it is.

I had to practice much more tenacious and diligent taking each thought captive.

The following Scriptures may be good confesisons and good Scriptures to pray over yourself as many times a day as needed and certainly to start the day:

BLOOD SCRIPTURES

When you do anything having to do with demons, make sure you:

1) repent
2) cover yourself and your family in His blood

THE BLOOD SCRIPTURES:
Psalm 107:2:
"Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy."

Ephesians 1:7:
"In whom we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace."

PROCLAMATIONS:
*Through the blood of Jesus I am redeemed out of the hand of the devil.

*Through the blood of Jesus all my sins are forgiven.

1 John 1:7:

"But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."

PROCLAMATION:
*The blood of Jesus Christ, God's Son, is cleansing me now and continually from all sin.

Romans 5:9:
"Much more then, being now justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him."

PROCLAMATION:
*Through the blood of Jesus I am justified, made righteous, just as though I had never sinned.

Hebrews 13:12:
"Therefore Jesus also, that He might sanctify the people with His own blood, suffered outside the gate."

PROCLAMATION:
*Through the blood of Jesus I am sanctified, made holy, set apart to God.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
19 "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?

20 "For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

PROCLAMATIONS:
*My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.

*I am redeemed, cleansed, sanctified by the blood of Jesus. Therefore the devil has no more place in me and no more power over me.

*Through the blood of Jesus I overcome satan by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony.

REMEMBER ...
To Be Delivered:
1. Confess the spirit in the name of Jesus
2. Renounce the spirit in the name of Jesus
3. Forgive others
4. Call on the name of the Lord Jesus.

I also--ASAP--had to force myself to move my body as much as possibel--even just for basic chorse.

And, ASAP--I had to force myself to reach out to others who were hurting in helpful, listening, caring ways. That helped get me moving and also helped me feel better about myself. Old folks homes, hospitals etc. are full of folks needing a caring visit and touch. Some intensive care nurseries need skin touch for the infants to help them grow, heal, develope--just holding them and rocking them.

Writing in a journal can help distance yourself a bit from your feelings more objectively.

One needs to keep reminding one's self:

FEELINGS ARE JUST INFORMATION.

They are not air, water, food, clothing, shelter, transportation, sun, flowers, a good book, friendship, or even sex.

They MAY be useful information somewhat in some situations. They can be potentially deadly info in others. We have to choose.

FEELINGS MAKE TERRIBLE SLAVE MASTERS and tolerable servants.

God's best to you dear Freeper. Feel free to contact me directly, if you wish.

God's best in His wholeness to you.

LUB,

[Quix]

Caught John Hagee on TV the Sun we were away for PK Conference.

He had a good point:

That God gives a promise.

Then comes a problem.

Then comes provision.

And that if God gives a million dollar promise, we can be sure a million dollar sized problem is on the way.

This boot camp is to fashion us into the vessel that can bear a greater weight of Glory in eternity.

This life is not it. This is merely the front stoop.

[barker]

Received this in an email today. Thought it was a good fit for this thread.
..............................

Stress Management

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter."
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

"In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management.

"If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. "