Whatever, my thoughts and prayers are with him. I've had spells where I just think I'm so worthless that I can't find any hope in my life. And the thoughts of ending it all cross my mind.
But my faith and belief in God does not allow me to end it all. My love for my family means that I can't do such a thing as to cause them undeserved guilt.
It's not easy; when I had those spells I would be on the floor crying from a depth I didn't know existed in my soul. And I only realized later that that crying was healing. All I could do was cry and plead "Help me God, Help me God." I was incapable of asking for specifics; but no matter, because God knew what I needed.
So friend, allow yourself to cry somewhere by yourself as much as possible. Let those tears flow and ask God to help you. Don't make a list of needs; you'll focus too much on what is wrong with you. Just ask God to help you - that's all. Over and over again if you feel like it but say no more than "God, please help me."
Those tears do wash out the toxic crud inside, they really do.
And now I lift you up to our Savior and Comfortor, Jesus Christ. Dear Lord, help this hurting soul. You know his needs and fears and guilt. Please release him and forgive him and help him to confess to you and ask forgiveness and above all, your perfect help. Let him cry and let his tears wash out the pain he feels. In Jesus' precious name, we pray, Amen.
A note from our Recovering FRiend this afternoon:
Left my light on for about half an hour before going to sleep last night, and, yes, finally said my prayer.
Normally, I pray to God, because he sort of keeps a meta-database of things, while praying to Christ is actually frightening because he has a tendency to answer expeditiously.
God smiled, and Jesus just told me that I had been praying all day and to get some sleep, "you fool".
I woke up pissed off in a good way this morning.
- [Recovering FRiend]
No more self-alteration of antidepressant dosages. Sticking to the Rx until told otherwise.