Posted on 08/07/2006 6:30:32 AM PDT by spartagroup
Another in Conservative Humor Net’s sporadic series on how today’s media would have covered previous wars and other crises.
NAZIS ASK FOR 3-DAY HUMANITARIAN CEASEFIRE:
WORLD OPINION ATTACKS U.S. REFUSAL
Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels, above, made the Nazi official call for the three-day humanitarian cease-fire, warning that Hitler would get very, very, very angry if refused. Hitler, below, caresses some of the school children who recently volunteered for the army, 12-year old boys recruited to attack Russian, British and American tanks with handheld weapons. What love the Furher shows! Who can doubt he will not keep his promise to use the respite to resupply his armed forces?
Joseph Goebbels, German Minister for Public Enlightenment and Propaganda, yesterday called for a three-day cease fire from American and British bombings of German cities and a halt to the Allied offensive in order to move in food and medical supplies to non-combatants trapped on war zones.
“The innocent German civilians in dozens of cities, along with those who find themselves caught in the line of Allied advance, are having trouble finding fresh food, pork sausages and medical supplies,” Goebbels announced in a nationwide radio address. German newsreels in movie houses showed extensive film clips of the bodies of children and women being carried out from demolished buildings.
Nick Tobertson, Cuddly News Network war correspondent in Berlin, sent back a harrowing report of conditions among German civilians.
“Hundreds of civilian men, women and children have been killed by what seems to be indiscriminate Allied bombing,” Tobertson reported. “Nazi officials took me on an exclusive tour of some of the worst bombed zones and I could see little evidence of any military targets.”
German officials denied they placed military factories or anti-aircraft defenses in civilian zones. “Didn’t we scrupulously keep every agreement we signed in the 1930s?” asked Martin Borman, Hitler’s closest confidante. “Why would anyone think we would take advantage of a ceasefire to improve our military positions, especially in the East where millions of Soviet soldiers are advancing.”
Chris Natthews, commentator for Hyper Hysteric News Network, believes the ceasefire could help the Allies recuperate from what he called their recent “drubbing” by German forces.
“The Nazis caught the American Army flatfooted at the Battle of the Bulge,” Natthews screamed into the camera. “Most military observers call this the biggest blunder in American military history. President Roosevelt’s poll ratings are plummeting. We call in now retired Admiral Kimmel, who headed up U.S. forces in the Pacific until Pearl Harbor, to offer his views on this debacle.”
“Admiral Kimmel, is the war now stalemated in Europe, given the German rout of American forces in the Ardennes forces?” Natthews asked. “Should Washington and London now sue for peace, try to end the war as soon as possible before they lose more land.”
“I don’t think it’s that bad, Chris,” the admiral said. “I think—“
“You haven’t been seeing the same news reports from Germany that I have,” Natthews cut him off. “Hitler has been making speech after speech about new generations of miracle weapons that the Nazis will soon roll out to destroy Allied forces, and the German determination to never surrender is seen in all the newscasts of 12 year old boys and 60 year old men rushing to join the Werhmacht and kill Americans. Let me bring in now Charles Lindberg, the American air hero who long warned against hostilities with a Germany reinvigorated by Adolf Hitler.”
“Yes, Chris, after Pearl Harbor, I thought I had a change of heart, but after seeing the unexpected German resistance in Europe and the stunning Japanese valor in the Pacific, I know we can never win this war. Can you imagine trying to invade the Japanese home islands after all the causalities we took invading those piles of rock and volcanic and in the Pacific. We ought to just give China and the Philippines to the Japanese and beg them for peace. We’d lose millions of men. We should extend the cease-fire offer to Japan, which should lead to peace talks that will allow us to withdraw our troops back to America.”
“What do you think about the B-29 firebombing campaigns that Gen. Curtis Lemay is planning for Japan after he finishes with Europe?” Nathews asked.
“It would be completely immoral,” Lindbergh said.
“We believe that the Americans and the British have taken a totally disproportionate reaction to Nazi attempts to expand their living space,” says Ifok Nanna, Secretary General of the League of Nations in Geneva. The League was dissolved when the Second World War began, but its bureaucrats refused to give up their offices, high salaries and other perks, such as first class train travel and 90 day vacations. “The German army hardly killed a single Frenchman, they surrendered so rapidly. The excesses in Poland and the Soviet Union may be only rumors. What is certain is that American and British bombers are blowing up huge sections of dozens of German cities, often with questionable military targets.”
The German Army has issued a valid plea for a three-day truce to enable the Nazi Government to rush supplies to trap civilians and to withdraw wounded women and children,” Nanna said. “I put all responsibility on civilian causalities on the Allies if they refuse this cease-fire.”
“There is no indication that the German army would use the troop to rush reinforcements to the battlefront, impossible now because of total Allied air superiority,” Nanna said.
Heinrich Himmler, head of the Schutzstaffel (SS,) also said that the cease-fire would allow the Germans to transfer more Jews to their state rest camps. 
Nazis point to spotless Jewish rest camp entrance with greeting, "Work Makes You Free." Goebbels points to happy camp residents to demonstrate what great shape they are not, not a single person overweight, unlike in lumpy America, "where every third person is as big as a hippo," Goebbels said.
“As everyone knows, the Fuehrer doomed the Russian campaign by re-routing thousands of scarce rail cars to carry ever more Jews to the rest camps, rather than rushing reinforcements to the Eastern Front, in order to resettle them in comfort” Himmler said. “Thousands of spaces have unexpectedly opened up in these rest camps, and the Fuehrer desires to transfer every possible Jew in Europe to these pleasant spas, no matter what. Allied bombing has made this transfer more inconvenient, so that we would take advantage of a ceasefire to move as many Jews as possible to their new homes.”
Barry King interviewed Himmler on his Cuddly News Network nighttime interview show and agreed that a ceasefire seemed the only humane alternative.
“It makes perfect sense to me,” King, wearing his trademark suspenders said. “The entire world is aghast of the thousands of children and women corpses taken out of the rubble.”
The prime ministers of both neutral countries Switzerland and Sweden joined the League of Nations in the cease-fire demands. The Japanese Government said their code of Bushido did not allow them to seek a similar cease-fire but they always considered the Germans a bit weak, like all Europeans, and therefore backed their demand.
“This slaughter has gone on long enough,” Oaf Palme, Swedish prime minister said. “The brutal American air war is devastating one magnificent city after another. Why can’t they leave we Europeans alone? Did the French object to the German takeover of their country? French soldiers did their best to keep the roads open for the German tanks and it was only those damn English, Anglo Saxons again, who actually tried to stop the Germans.” 
City of Dresden, Germany
"This is Western barbarism," Goebbels says. "Can you see any military targets among these apartment buildings?"
Some Western media embedded with German forces have sent back harrowing pictures of dead German women and children, and in the new "media of feelings," added their voices to the calls for a permanent cease-fire and the imposition of a peace treaty along present borders.
From: htt;//conservativehumor.net
Don’t forget to go to site to read our new daily commentary, not always as sardonic as stories. The new one, featuring the blow heart Tom Friedman. A conservativehumor.net published edited Friedman when he was a young UPI reporter based in Beirut and he was a flaming pro-Arab, anti-Israel writer back then. He has learned how to couch his writing and TV pontificating to try to appear neutral, especially by always identifying himself as an American Jew, but when analyzed, his statements remain mainly pro-Arab, anti-Jewish.
Excellent.
Great satire on how the current Hatriotics in charge of our MSM would have reported on WWII,
It didn't just seem to be. It was indiscriminate.
Both the Americans and (especially) the British used an area bombardment strategy in which cities were attacked intentionally, with the explicit goal of killing as many civilians as possible.
This was supposed to "break the German will to resist."
Didn't work.
'Both the Americans and (especially) the British used an area bombardment strategy in which cities were attacked intentionally, with the explicit goal of killing as many civilians as possible.
This was supposed to "break the German will to resist."
Didn't work.'
That's because the bombs were too small. When the US targeted Hiroshima and Nagasaki with the explicit goal of killing as many civillians as possible, only with much bigger bombs, it worked very well. . . . .
The military effect of The Bombs were almost entirely on morale and psychology. The actual destruction and deaths they caused could have been (and were being) duplicated by firestorm raids on the Japanese cities. More people died in the firestorm raid on Tokyo than in either Hiroshima or Nagasaki.
However, the psychological impact of a single plane dropping a single bomb and destroying an entire city must have been immense.
We won didn't we? Every dead German was one less to pick up a gun. To say that the resources Germans expended defending their cities and the fighter pilots they sacrificed in a hopeless effort did not degrade their ability to wage war is silly. We had complete air supremacy by D-Day. That didn't just happen. Germany was waging their second war in a generation. They needed to be defeated utterly.
Didn't work when Hitler tried it on the British either.
Way I see it, the British were just delivering some payback with Dresden and such.
Nope We're still fighting them.
Every dead German was one less to pick up a gun.
True. Except that since most German men were off in the military, those affected by the area bombing were primarily civilians, mostly women and children.
But it was disproportionate payback. Can't have that.
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Most of the people were in bomb shelters. I have to believe a lot of them died of asphyxiation. Now we have the Massive Ordinance Air Burst (MOAB) and other fuel-air ordinance to do it much more easier.
Yes, it did, we just did not see the "benifits" until after the shooting stopped. The Germans were beaten down and did not have the will or where-with-all to resist occupation.
Area bombing was supposed to make the Germans stop fighting. It didn't do that.
The invasion and conquest of Germany by the Allied and Red Armies did accomplish it.
Area bombing helped to some extent, but its contribution to Nazi defeat was not even close to being in proportion to its cost in dollars and in flight crew and civilian deaths.
PAYBACK is a BITCH!
poseur
Webster's Main Entry: po·seur
Function: noun
Etymology: French
Date: 1872
- a person who pretends to be what he or she is not : an affected or insincere person
Thank you!
It worked just fine! Thousands fewer German/Nazi sympathizers.
You'd think people would learn from history- or just the laws of cause and effect!
Start sh*t, GET sh*it.
Today Muslims =Nazis.
There were NO 'good Nazis' then. It would have been ludicrous-and treasonous- to suggest that only the SS were 'bad' Nazis, and that Nazism inherently bad.
Only the names have changed now.
If you believe in something inherently evil, you are evil.
It's so simple no one wants to face it.
Maybe indescriminate, but not innacurate.
As LT Beldon Cooper in his book "Deathtraps" on his days in WWII in Army Ordinance. His account of entering Cologne (after knocking out a stubborn Panther tank, with a brand new Pershing tank) said that all of the city was rubble with the exception of the famous Koln Cathedral, and the Ford Motor Company factory...
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