Heard the one about Chuck Norris?

St. Petersburg Times ^ | 02/03/2006 | John Barry

[rarestia]

Tuesday night at the Boston Market on East Bay Drive in Clearwater: Guys behind the counter are slinging Chuck Norris jokes.

"You know what kind of furniture Chuck Norris has in his house?" says Matt Kindred, 18.

"Bowflex."

Matt tells another: "Chuck Norris never blinks his eyes. Never."

Behind him, manager Richard Moody, 22, echoes: "Never!"

Matt executes a pirouette and whips a finger at countermate Evan Heebner, 19. Evan tells the one about how Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. "Too bad Chuck Norris never cries," Evan says.

"Ooooh, good one," everyone says.

* * *

Teenagers all across the country, many of whom have never even seen Walker, Texas Ranger, are telling Chuck Norris jokes.

They're really bad. If you want to blame someone, the guilty party is a Brown University freshman. Since last summer, Ian Spector has been spreading jokes like: "Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there."

Ian has collected 40,000 jokes like that. Every day he gets more than a half-million hits on his Web site, The Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator (www.4Q.cc/chuck/) His jokes have been picked up by Saturday Night Live.

[Bones75]

"Yeah Bones, I first heard the Chuck Norris stuff in WoW. I think we were raiding UBRS, we downed the Beast and someone upped with, "PWNED! Like Chuck Norris on a blind man!" "

You raid UBRS? SWEET! I'm not quite there yet, still level 47. But I hope to hit Molten Core and all that stuff eventually. pwned! :P

[tx_eggman]

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

[tx_eggman]

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe

[tx_eggman]

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

[Pete]

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer is, of course: Chuck Norris.

[JustAnotherOkie]

And then she turned into Cindy Sheehan???

[mysterio]

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

[blues_guitarist]

". . . Boston Market on East Bay Drive in Clearwater . . ."

Right up the street, baby!

[IamConservative]

Friday Fart Joke!

True story. I was in “Danner’s Discount Department Store” – what we had long before Wal-Mart – with my dad when I was maybe 10 years old. We were in the fishing tackle aisle. Another man was in the next aisle over. They played quite loudly over the intercom the music they play when they call the horses to the gate at the track. (Remember this was a loud melodic refrain from a trumpet, it will be important later.) The symbolism in this case was a call to a special in Woman’s clothing. So they play this music quite loudly over the intercom and the man in the next aisle over apparently thought he would take advantage of the cover noise to pass some wind. Unfortunately, he had a timing problem. Just as the trumpet quieted from the intercom, without a single beat missed, he passed the most melodic and lengthy wind ever heard – it was even in the right key. It began soprano, dropped down to a baritone and back to a soprano at the end. It was in key the entire way. My dad and I both were immediately stricken with an urge to erupt in laughter that was debilitating. My dad eventually grabbed me about the shoulders and clasped his hand over my mouth and staggered about three aisles over where after at least 10 minutes of laughter, we were able to regain our composure and get to the car. Not a single conversation about a department store for the next 30 years could pass without that story being told.

[toddlintown]

My favorite: Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

[navynucmom]

Place Marker

[Old Professer]

Looks like Norris is taking over where Jack LaLanne left off; wonder how long before old Chuck will be on late night T.V. selling baby food processors like LaLanne now does? https://www.jacksjuicer.com/vcc/tristar/powerjuicer/151324/

[filepile]

Catfish bait? For the love of Mike...

[MamaTexan]

Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously.

HOORAY!

An actor with a sense of humor who doesn't think he's the end-all and be-all of the universe!

(Honestly,, though...I've always kinda had a soft spot for the Texas Ranger, myself :)

[smith288]

The problem is, The "kids" have never watched a Chuck Norris movie or ever watched a Walker:Texas Ranger episode.

I have and they suck. Hence why these jokes are so frickin funny.

[smith288]

Some of my own I made up:


Chuck Norris once stared at an eclipse and the sun had to wear special glasses.

Chuck Norris exerts so much energy during a roundhouse, scientists now believe global warming is a result of a global vacuum cause by him.

The lion is crowned "King of all beasts" only because Chuck Norris annointed it after destroying the dinosaurs for questioning his beard.

[B-Chan]

F--- James K. Polk. The real 11th President of the United States was Chuck Norris.

-- B-chan

[FateAmenableToChange]

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts. ~ Chuck Norris

Class act.

[saberpride]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Thanks!!! That was SO Funny! The tears are streaming done my face from laughing so hard!!!! Thank goodness no one is in our office right now! Oh, man that was so funny!

[rarestia]

Yeah, we're just starting to raid MC every week. We farm UBRS on a daily basis. Most of us are geared enough that we can get through it in about 45 mins to an hour. Have fun when you start BRD!

In relation to the article, I love how Norris responded to it all. In today's litigious society, many would jump at the opportunity to sue the pants off this 17 year old for "defamation," but Norris shrugs it off and thinks it's funny. Definitely a role model for today's youth!