Posted on 01/08/2006 2:24:03 PM PST by Lorianne
It is 25 years since Terry Hekker hailed the housewife, now in a landmark decision the acclaimed author has rejected her past saying she was wrong
Terry Hekker wrote a book in 1980 that made her famous. Ever Since Adam & Eve was a passionate defence of her decision to eschew a career and spend her life as a wife and a mother.
Coming at the end of the Seventies, when feminism was enjoying a renaissance and the career woman was emerging from behind the cooker, Hekker became a celebrated poster child for more old-fashioned values. She wanted her job choice of 'homemaker' to be considered as valid as those of up-and-coming women bankers, bosses and company directors.
Today, Hekker told The Observer, she is planning a follow-up book. Its working, albeit jokey, title is bluntly honest: Disregard First Book. For her life did not turn out as she planned, and she now believes her decision to become a housewife and homemaker should serve as a warning for young American women. 'My anachronistic book was written while I was in a successful marriage that I expected would go on forever. Sadly, it now has little relevance for modern women, except perhaps as a cautionary tale,' Hekker wrote last week as she announced her U-turn.
In a display of spectacular bad taste, Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.
(Excerpt) Read more at guardian.co.uk ...
Gee, is it your sensitive verbiage that keeps me coming back to the hook?
For your information, sister, with so many women now drawing their own sizeable incomes, the incidence of women 'throwing away the old one' is pulling right up behind the men...its (sadly) called corrupt human nature, and neither men nor women have any special immunity to it...many women today make nice incomes yet are conflicted by a desire to still be 'taken care of'....so they often dump their (in their minds) 'less successful husbands'...kind of the flip side of the husbands who dump their (in their minds) 'less attractive wives'...
If you keep the interests of the children in mind first, you will stay married. Period. No matter what.
But no-fault divorce has made divorce an appealing, even tempting, option for millions of men AND women - and it is the children who have suffered the most....
Divorce: The ultimate act of selfishly destroying a family. It is not weighted to one gender or another, as all humans have the capacity for selfishness.
It is the reality in this case, though.
This is an example of why no fault divorce doesn't work. This guys abandoned her, thats a pretty big fault, therefore she should get half of everything.
Now if some housewife age of 30, decides shes not happy and wants to leave and live like the whores on sex in the city do, why should she get all her husbands money?
Actually, Karmic Justice would be for him to not be able to afford this new young thing and she leaves him... penniless.
Maybe he can start his new job training at 70.
;-/
Well said!
Thank you!
Wimmen are scary ... ping
Because that's the law.
50/50
That picture IS Arianna Huffington. I think it is a comparison of situations. Though Arianna can schmooze with the lefties all she wants now. Even at the time she was married to Michael Huffington I couldn't figure out why they were together. So different. And now he has come out of the closet. Still her marriage, and divorce, gave her 'gravitas' with the 'intellectual' left.
Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children -
No, I dont imagine she does. The change in divorce laws to no fault have left men and women hanging. This woman was entitled to support by her two timing husband.
As far as this article goes, I doubt that she is 'bereft of money' after 40 years of marriage. She not only gets half of the property, but a hefty alimony if she did not work for 40 years.
+
+
Not if he has a really good lawyer.
My mother was a stay-at-home mom. She left college to get married but finished her degree afterwards. While we we children she didn't work, but she went back to work when I was a teenager. Her initial jobs were low-paying clerical jobs--she started back temping. However, right now she has a very promising job where her employers find her invaluable (and are expressing their appreciation monetarily!) She is now 56 and my father is 58, and who knows when either will retire.
I can understand staying home when a person has children, but when it's just the house to take care of I think it would get boring. I certainly would find other work more appealing than cleaning house all day.
I was 15 years home and had to catch the ball when husband crashed and burned (figuratively). It took me 5 years to get up to speed and I make less than half what he did.
While I agree the current system does generally favor a woman, particularly if children are involved........I believe the the 1 - 2 ratio of the stats is garnered from who iniates the paperwork. Not necessarily just women out to screw their husbands.
I iniated the papers in my divorce, not because I wanted to screw him over....but to get rid of him. I paid for it, walked away with nothing but what I walked in with, and he expected me to pay for his lawyer, and tried to get spousal support because I had a better paying job and he couldn't afford "his" house without my income. Even his own lawyer laughed at him about that.
Even ignoring my own situation, which is not exactly uncommon, I really don't believe things are quite as bad as people who are not familiar with any of this would be led to believe by some of the commentary presented on this forum when it comes to men, women, and divorce.
There are always at least 3 sides to every divorce - his hers, and the truth.
Ain't that the truth. Beautiful home page, BTW...
One of her last statements should be taken to heart of all women. She says that women need to learn how to take care of themselves and be prepared for the worst.
I am a stay at home mom, and I agree with that statement. That is why I went to college, and I worked before I had children. My children are now in school full-time, and I am trying to figure out some sort of work to do while they are in school.
It's not just divorce you have to worry about. Men can die young. My brother died last year at 48. His wife is well-prepared to handle living on her own. Her kids are grown, and she has a great job.
My mother-in-law is in her 70s, and divorced. She lives off of social security, and has no other sorce of income. She just fell and broke her hip. I don't know what will happen to her if she can't live on her own. She had plenty of time to get a career going since she divorced in her 40s, but she never did.
Women may hand men the divorce papers, but what is the reason for the divorce. Did the women hand the divorce papers to the husband because he was cheating on her???
What I've seen (YMMV) is that men who aren't happy just screw around without bothering to get divorced, but sometimes will file if their new honey gets pregnant or something. Women sometimes file because they are tired of dealing with his screwing around, and sometimes because they "just aren't happy."
My mom is in her 70s, still married, and she is still working. She has a little antigue shop. When I went to school, my mom also got her real-estate license. She did that for about 10 years, and then she took a break. She started up the antigue shop about 20 years ago, and she really enjoys it. She doesn't make much ($1000/month), but it is something.
My mother-in-law is divorced and she has not worked much since that divorce.
Good riddance...He dumps her on their 40th anniversary for a younger woman, and most on here blame HER.
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