America's model housewife turns feminist as husband abandons her

Guardian Unlimited ^ | January 8, 2006 | Paul Harris

[Lorianne]

It is 25 years since Terry Hekker hailed the housewife, now in a landmark decision the acclaimed author has rejected her past saying she was wrong

Terry Hekker wrote a book in 1980 that made her famous. Ever Since Adam & Eve was a passionate defence of her decision to eschew a career and spend her life as a wife and a mother.

Coming at the end of the Seventies, when feminism was enjoying a renaissance and the career woman was emerging from behind the cooker, Hekker became a celebrated poster child for more old-fashioned values. She wanted her job choice of 'homemaker' to be considered as valid as those of up-and-coming women bankers, bosses and company directors.

Today, Hekker told The Observer, she is planning a follow-up book. Its working, albeit jokey, title is bluntly honest: Disregard First Book. For her life did not turn out as she planned, and she now believes her decision to become a housewife and homemaker should serve as a warning for young American women. 'My anachronistic book was written while I was in a successful marriage that I expected would go on forever. Sadly, it now has little relevance for modern women, except perhaps as a cautionary tale,' Hekker wrote last week as she announced her U-turn.

In a display of spectacular bad taste, Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.

[Al Simmons]

I'll admit that I have an 'over-the-top' style at times; but none of my posts 'bashed' women in general (can we get away from this PC talk - how about 'criticized' instead?)- I very clearly focused my fire on abusive women, and made the point (which is ignored in the MSM) that women are just as likely to be abusers as men are.....................in any event I evaluate people as individuals, (women included ;-)

[Gabz]

Generalize all you wish - but I have no clue why you are directing it at me.

I don't man bash, even though my ex had a penchant for swinging his fist at me, I had to hide the ammunition after he pulled a gun on me, he enjoyed humiliating me in public, publicly accused me of having affairs with prominent men in our city and state - while the wives of those men were present.........and that was just when he was sober........If anyone had a reason to man bash, I think I would - but I dont'...I don't like it when other women do, and I don't like it when men do it to women.

Yes, I bad mouth my ex....but, since it is my experience, I'm entitled. But just because he was a sleazeball doesn't mean all men are and so I don't generalize.

[Nea Wood]

Great post.

[Al Simmons]

..slipping into Monty Python garb...:

'That's nuthin!

When I was a kid our Dad forced us to LICK the road clean with our tongues....' (its from a sketch about a bunch of old guys trying to 'one-up' each other with tales of how bad they had it 'in the old days'.....)...

[Gabz]

I wasn't trying to "one up" anyone........just making a point that even with my past experience, I still don't generalize.

[TAdams8591]

"As a result, conservative circles tend to have a disproportionately large number of men who have been severely wounded by women, and/or have friends who have been."

Do you have any idea how many conservative women have been severely wounded by men?????????? Your comment above reveals your lack of sensitivity to conservative women and their suffering.

But most of us, unlike many of the conservative men on this forum at least, have NOT lost the ability to be fair about the kinds of situations described in the above article, or in the general judgment of men and women and their behavior toward each other, as evidenced below:

"2) Women, in general, tend to treat nice guys like $#!% in the dating/romance/marriage/divorce realm. Conservative and "Christian" women (with a few noble exceptions) seem to be little different in this regard."

I don't like it when either men or women mistreat their spouses and bows and unlike some of the men on this thread and this forum, are sensitive to BOTH situations. And frankly, I prefer GOOD and NICE men to the bad guys and always have.

[Galveston Grl]

We should all be so superior and manly like Al Simmons who doesn't read so well. I never said women are the only victims of divorce. I breath fine. I am calm. I think you are projecting. My horizons are fine by me. Sit down Al and take a deep breath, broaden your horizons and realize that you are safe even when women speak up.

[Galveston Grl]

Al...it's not nice to want to beat women, destroy their nerves and sucide them in America. Try Saudi Arabia, you thin skinned sissie boy.

[TAdams8591]

Thank you for your inciteful and thought provoking post.

[GermanBusiness]

[Al...it's not nice to want to beat women, destroy their nerves and sucide them in America. Try Saudi Arabia]

I just got back from swimming, indoors with incredibly cold weather outside.

Al wasn't talking about himself beating his wife in that post. He was talking about his wife beating him.

[GermanBusiness]

Plus the ladies won this thread when Al apologized. Waiter, new thread please. :-)

Also, in real life people would introduce themselves and one would have a better idea of whom one is talking with and, thus, not step on toes.

Take for instance Nadija: Margaret Mitchel possibly had her in mind when she had Rhett tell Scarlett that he was going off to the coast to find a more conservative woman at the end of Gone With the Wind. There'd be no mistaking Nadija for a left wing feminazi if one took some time to read her posts.

Then there is Hair: She has a really good looking husband...so why would she want him out with a guy like me who might take him to a frat party at the University of Washington to hang with German grad students...despite the fact that she looks better than a lot of coeds herself.

I think the point has been made and probably needs to continue to be made that we guys cannot make posts that act like there are no American women on FR who might get miffed.

[Al Simmons]

....boy you're lucky those 4 posts of mine (all to you BTW) got pulled last night...you're just such a sensitive, caring and respectful gal, yessiree, oh lucky the man who manages to land you, really he is, out there somewhere tonight not knowing what awaits him in his future...I gotta stop now or I'll start crying tears (of joy) for him in advance...

P.S. What do you go dressed like to 'Dickens on the Strand'? Is a broom a part of your costume perchance?...*LOL*

[Al Simmons]

Outstanding. I go swimming for a solid hour a crack 4x a week here in NoCal (where its not so cold)...Gets me all the exercise I need and keeps me in shape for my annual Summer month at my villa on the Mediterranean....where Galveston Grl will never be my guest, no matter how much she might beg....

[bannie]

I have a wonderful, gentle mother. She is amazing.

She was allowed to be all things wonderful because she married my father. His treatment of her allowed her to be the gentle lady she's always been.

[P.O.E.]

Will these new ping lists require an oath?

[Galveston Grl]

Al baby. See a shrink before you hurt yourself or someone else. You are a case.

[Al Simmons]

Beautiful baby.

Let me try a couple of serious questions which will further clarify a few things:

1. Have you ever done anything wrong to anyone during your entire life? (answer as honestly as you can)

2. Have you said the words "I am sorry", or "I was wrong", or "Will you forgive me", or a combination thereof to anyone over the past 10 years?

Has everything that you consider to have been wrong in your life been at least partly someone else's fault?

If a Christian do you feel confident enough in your own salvation to freely judge whether other people (regardless of whether you know them or not) are truly 'saved' or not?

Thank you in advance for enlightening us to your objectivity....

[Dichroic]

So guess what ladies? The violent dynamic in marriage is IDENTICAL whether the abuser is male or female. (Only the men rarely complain, partly due to embarassment, hence you almost never hear about the OTHER 50% of marital assaults...but now you have....) >>>>>>

You're beyond the Pale.

You are assuming something completely unfounded.

You honestly believe that an equal amount of women violently abuse their partners.

The only females who have been shown to abuse their partners in equal proportion to men are lesbians. NOT straight women.

Facts are clear cut on the overwhelming number of women murdered by their intimates (husbands/boyfriends)

From DOJ Bureau of Justice Stats:

Female murder victims are substantially more likely than male murder victims to have been killed by an intimate In recent years -

About one third (33%) of female murder victims were killed by an intimate.

............. About 3-4% of male murder victims were killed by an intimate.

.......... Of male murder victims, the proportion killed by an intimate has dropped.

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/gender.htm#vorelgender

But Im sure youll refute these stats and say just as many women killed their husbands/boyfriends and its a grand cover up of the murders.

[Al Simmons]

No my dear. Allow me to educate you. The stats won't show the true figures because:

a. Men almost NEVER report violent femmes (I kinda like that phrase);

b. Due to obvious size differences, women seldom inflict serious injury on men (unless they use a weapon), furthermore, very few people who see a guy with a black eye would chalk it up to anything other than a drunken barroom brawl.

I think you wanted to say "Far more serious injuries are committed by men on women violence than vice-versa." That is correct. But the incidence of violence by women against men in marriage (while not of the same destructive variety) is VASTLY underreported.

Hell, a woman today basically knows that she can assault her husband at will - because if he exercises his option of self-defense and she calls the police - he will be the one arrested, no questions asked.

Its a sick, diseased society we live in, and I would advise any man or woman out there to take a LOOOONG time to get to know that person before you go down the aisle with them - take a look at how they treat their parent of the opposite sex, if you can, and you might well get an idea if ther is a chance of problems down the road....

[GermanBusiness]

[take a LOOOONG time to get to know that person before you go down the aisle with them - take a look at how they treat their parent of the opposite sex,]

Al, even if you're correct on "hidden" statistics...we guys are, as you said, trained to take the punches from women without hitting back. You are taking written punches now but you are hitting back. So it was unfair of you to say GG was someone you wouldn't invite to the villa. That is cruel. I'd just take the last hits and let this thread die.

But about getting to know how your partner treats the opposite sex *before* marrying them. I'll do one better. I would learn as early as possible (first date even) how someone feels toward her ex's and other men she dated, etc, and quite frankly...I cannot help but be impressed by a woman who gives coins to bums on the street (the safe looking bums who sit). The father can be adored, if he is still around, but he can be the only one she will adore. A huge amount of single women never really had a father and they are very nice to guys.