Raiding the Icebox: Behind Its Warm Front, the United States Made Cold Calculations to Subdue Canada

The Washington Post ^ | December 30, 2005 | Peter Carlson

[quidnunc]

Invading Canada won't be like invading Iraq: When we invade Canada, nobody will be able to grumble that we didn't have a plan.

The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called "Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan — Red," with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north. It goes like this:

First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, so they freeze in the dark.

-snip-

[NorthOf45]

What has happened there that they see us as the enemy?

Nothing has happened ... except that the liberals here are yapping even louder given the January 23 election. Those that helped out during 9-11, and most other Canadians, haven't changed.

[Razorism]

This article occuring during Canadian elections is a veiled attempt to drive some votes into the Liberal camp, it will be only excerpted by the Canadian press and most people will only see a paragraph or two.

[NorthOf45]

Everything east of Ottawa gets carpet bombed. Deal?

This Maritimer isn't so keen on that plan. : )

[pollyannaish]

We go directly after their bullet and then.....

Ah. Canada: The Barney Fife of Countries.

[pollyannaish]

They are pretty fond of him.

Great! Maybe they're up for a trade!

[NorthOf45]

24 Sussex Drive ... you can have it at this point in time. Nothing there right now is worthy of occupying it. Once the Conservatives get in, you can get back to us.

[winner3000]

This is all part of the Compost effort to help the Liberals up north win the election.

[quidnunc]

Snowyman wrote: (Limped home with our tails between our legs) You've tried it 4 times with at least 10 different armies . If you could get past the Tim Hortons you'd have a chance. You can't . You don't .

Yes, the USS Charlotte demonstrated the high state of your military preparedness.

[Ciexyz]

I'll take the theatre district in Toronto. Leave the rest of it.

[Ciexyz]

We have a built-in fifth column: the Canuck players on every US hockey team.

[uglybiker]

Does the plan take into account Canadian Superheroes?

[concrete is my business]

Good article.

Except while posing as history, it really is about the Washington Post going to bat for the Liberal government and PM Martin NOW.

Divide and conquer is the Liberals motto and and it is hard to find ANYONE who can do it better.

[concrete is my business]

One big problem is if the provinces ever become states there could be senators from Quebec or Manitoba.

Oh nooooooo!

[Snowyman]

Yes, the USS Charlotte demonstrated the high state of your military preparedness.

Under the Arctic bas been going on for years. We are having an election , if not , we never would have heard about her .

Next time she heads north let us know. We'll UPS her some Tim-bits . Guaranteed she'll want to stop for coffee.

[jslade]

(From article) At that point, it's only a matter of time before we bring these Molson-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: "ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL."

BWAAAHAAA!

[skinkinthegrass]

I think we have the basis for an amicable settlement.. ;-D

LOL!...the bombing; starts in..
5...
4...
3...

This Maritimer isn't so keen on that plan. : )

Ahemm...sorry, about that...there's some room in floriduh :D

[skinkinthegrass]

possible south park ping.

Raiding the Icebox
In the 1999 movie "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut," Americans, angered that their kids have been corrupted by a pair of foulmouthed, flatulent Canadian comedians, go to war. Canada responds by sending its air force to bomb the Hollywood home of the Baldwin brothers -- a far more popular defensive strategy than anything Buster Brown devised. Moviegoers left theaters humming the film's theme:

Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
With all their hockey hullabaloo
And that bitch Anne Murray too!
Blame Canada! Shame on Canada!

[Reily]

I subdue Canada all the time .... I just ignore them !

[RightOnline]

Ah, ya just gotta love the Washington Compost......

Anything and everything to make our country look like a bunch of evil, greedy bastards; anything to sell us out.

F**k 'em.

[RightOnline]

Doesn't anyone else on this thread have a SERIOUS problem with the Compost publishing the contents of a .........ahem...........SECRET document???????

Good Lord in Heaven.............