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Last Minute shopping ideas. A womans guide to buing him a gift.(Humor)
unk | unk

Posted on 12/14/2005 11:56:38 AM PST by TASMANIANRED

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.

Follow these simple rules and you should have no problem.

1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.

I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.

No one knows why.

2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.

Men love saying those two words, "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK, by the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"

Again, no one knows why.

3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.

Men love gifts for their cars.

Again, no one knows why.

4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.

If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.

If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.

Real men drink whiskey or beer.

7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.

We do not stink - we are "earthy".

8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.

Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.

No one knows why.

9. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.

It will ruin any occasion and he will always have parts left over.

10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Beaver Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Canadian Tire Store, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.

("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.

Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas leaks.

"Oh the thrill!The challenge! Who wants hamburger?"

12. Tickets to a Denver Broncos, Colorado Rockies, Central Texas Stampede games are a smart gift.

However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."

Everyone knows why. 13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.

If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #08 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.

Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.

No one knows why.

15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts.

Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.

No one knows why.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: giftideas; humor; manofthehouse; shopping
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To: TASMANIANRED
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.

If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Jockey's, no way.. its in the buff or nothing baby...


81 posted on 12/14/2005 12:57:58 PM PST by HamiltonJay
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To: TASMANIANRED

I get my brother a flashlight every year! Other than that: anything, and I mean ANYTHING that plugs in.


82 posted on 12/14/2005 12:58:32 PM PST by bonfire (dwindler)
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To: PeoplesRepublicOfWashington

Knot books are good...Final entry is rope...fits right in.


83 posted on 12/14/2005 12:58:51 PM PST by TASMANIANRED ("You cannot kill hope with bombs and bullets." Sgt Clay.)
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To: dakine

LOL...

I froze my arse off in Baghdad when I had to walk from the shower trailer to the my personal trailer in the Winter. I guess I'm getting old....


84 posted on 12/14/2005 12:58:56 PM PST by MikefromOhio
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To: TASMANIANRED

Two words, "Duct Tape."


85 posted on 12/14/2005 12:59:07 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: TASMANIANRED
1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.

That's what I want ... my old drill just died the other day

86 posted on 12/14/2005 12:59:46 PM PST by clamper1797 (Proud member of the Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club VA-93 aboard the USS Midway CVA-41 1972-1973)
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To: hschliemann

Then you have to buy a 100foot heavy duty extension cord or two.


87 posted on 12/14/2005 1:00:11 PM PST by TASMANIANRED ("You cannot kill hope with bombs and bullets." Sgt Clay.)
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To: TASMANIANRED

Thermos...heavy duty....for the sweet tea....


88 posted on 12/14/2005 1:00:55 PM PST by dakine
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To: Norman Conquest

Stocking Stuffers: 5-packs of shotgun ammo.
G.I. rifle magazines.
John Wayne movies on DVD.
Gift certificate for Cabelas.




89 posted on 12/14/2005 1:01:02 PM PST by 04-Bravo
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To: Sam's Army

Yea, my wife didn't take to kindly to "mistress" being on my Christmas list either... I don't know why.


90 posted on 12/14/2005 1:02:02 PM PST by HamiltonJay
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To: SW6906

Tag line absolutely works for me. In fact, most of the fireplaces in my house have been converted to gas, so I even have room for expansion -- Wine?


91 posted on 12/14/2005 1:02:50 PM PST by blau993 (Labs for love; .357 for Security.)
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To: Sam's Army

See post 68 and negotiations might reopen.


92 posted on 12/14/2005 1:02:51 PM PST by TASMANIANRED ("You cannot kill hope with bombs and bullets." Sgt Clay.)
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To: TASMANIANRED

Surprised no one has mentioned the belived 3 lb beefstick from Hickery Farms.


93 posted on 12/14/2005 1:03:02 PM PST by IamConservative (Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times will pick himself up and carry on.)
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To: TASMANIANRED

Love it; do you suppose the author knows that a starter for a 68 Ford Fairlane will fit anything from a Falcon all the way up to an F600 dump truck?


94 posted on 12/14/2005 1:03:10 PM PST by Old Professer (Fix the problem, not the blame!)
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To: Borax Queen; sweetliberty

I've was asked to make camo boxers (yes, by a hunter). : )


95 posted on 12/14/2005 1:03:46 PM PST by nicmarlo
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To: Eaker

Ones enough for me. Now, when it comes to nightgowns or house shoes, a woman can never have too many.


96 posted on 12/14/2005 1:04:47 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: Sam's Army

Wives can be such jerks that way.  I got one like that for myself with my own money (well, not exactly like that.  More of a malnourished, disease wracked, west african illegal immigrant), and the very first night I came home from work she was gone!  My wife says she escaped on her own, but I know she helped her.

Owl_Eagle

"You know, I'm going to start thanking
the woman who cleans the restroom in
the building I work in.  I'm going to start
thinking of her as a human being"

-Hillary Clinton
(Yes, she really said that
Peggy Noonan
The Case Against Hillary Clinton, pg 55)

97 posted on 12/14/2005 1:04:58 PM PST by End Times Sentinel (In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
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To: MikeinIraq
I don't know about the bathrobe one. The backdoor to my house lets in a pretty good draft and it's nice to have a bathrobe to throw on as I let the dogs out in the morning....

Baby. I went out last night in my underwear to get some firewood off the porch (below zero last night here in NY). Of course we live in the country but it still horrifies my city-bred wife!

98 posted on 12/14/2005 1:05:14 PM PST by rockprof
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To: Owl_Eagle

Well, back to the drawing board then it looks like, huh?


99 posted on 12/14/2005 1:08:10 PM PST by Sam's Army ("Terrorism is a matter for the police" MurryMom 11/28/05)
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To: hschliemann

That's why you're supposed to have several. That way, you always have some charged.


100 posted on 12/14/2005 1:08:38 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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