If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Jockey's, no way.. its in the buff or nothing baby...
Posted on 12/14/2005 11:56:38 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these simple rules and you should have no problem.
1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words, "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK, by the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars.
Again, no one knows why.
4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.
Real men drink whiskey or beer.
7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
We do not stink - we are "earthy".
8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why.
9. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin any occasion and he will always have parts left over.
10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Beaver Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Canadian Tire Store, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas leaks.
"Oh the thrill!The challenge! Who wants hamburger?"
12. Tickets to a Denver Broncos, Colorado Rockies, Central Texas Stampede games are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why. 13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.
If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #08 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.
No one knows why.
15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Jockey's, no way.. its in the buff or nothing baby...
I get my brother a flashlight every year! Other than that: anything, and I mean ANYTHING that plugs in.
Knot books are good...Final entry is rope...fits right in.
LOL...
I froze my arse off in Baghdad when I had to walk from the shower trailer to the my personal trailer in the Winter. I guess I'm getting old....
Two words, "Duct Tape."
That's what I want ... my old drill just died the other day
Then you have to buy a 100foot heavy duty extension cord or two.
Thermos...heavy duty....for the sweet tea....
Stocking Stuffers: 5-packs of shotgun ammo.
G.I. rifle magazines.
John Wayne movies on DVD.
Gift certificate for Cabelas.
Yea, my wife didn't take to kindly to "mistress" being on my Christmas list either... I don't know why.
Tag line absolutely works for me. In fact, most of the fireplaces in my house have been converted to gas, so I even have room for expansion -- Wine?
See post 68 and negotiations might reopen.
Surprised no one has mentioned the belived 3 lb beefstick from Hickery Farms.
Love it; do you suppose the author knows that a starter for a 68 Ford Fairlane will fit anything from a Falcon all the way up to an F600 dump truck?
I've was asked to make camo boxers (yes, by a hunter). : )
Ones enough for me. Now, when it comes to nightgowns or house shoes, a woman can never have too many.
Wives can be such jerks that way. I got one like that for myself with my own money (well, not exactly like that. More of a malnourished, disease wracked, west african illegal immigrant), and the very first night I came home from work she was gone! My wife says she escaped on her own, but I know she helped her.
Owl_Eagle
"You know, I'm going to start thanking
the woman who cleans the restroom in
the building I work in. I'm going to start
thinking of her as a human being"
Baby. I went out last night in my underwear to get some firewood off the porch (below zero last night here in NY). Of course we live in the country but it still horrifies my city-bred wife!
Well, back to the drawing board then it looks like, huh?
That's why you're supposed to have several. That way, you always have some charged.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.