Posted on 10/17/2005 7:21:55 AM PDT by Millee
Brother Kenneth Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: students putting down $10,000 to rent a party house in the Hamptons; pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a liquor-loaded limo; fathers chartering a boat for their children's late-night "booze cruise."
Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School canceled the spring prom in a 2,000- word letter to parents.
"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is, rather, the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects."
"Each year, it gets worse - becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he added. "We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. (The school) is willing to sponsor a prom but not an orgy."
The move brought a mixed, albeit passionate, reaction from students and parents at the Roman Catholic school, which is owned by the Society of Mary (Marianists), a religious order of priests and brothers.
"I don't think it's fair, obviously, that they canceled prom," said senior Alyssa Johnson of Westbury. "There are problems with the prom, but I don't think their reasons or the actions they took solved anything."
Hoagland began talking about the future of the prom last spring after 46 Kellenberg seniors made a $10,000 down payment on a $20,000 rental in the Hamptons for a post-prom party. When school officials found out, they forced the students to cancel the deal; the kids got their money back, and the prom went on as planned. But some parents went ahead and rented a Hamptons house anyway, Hoagland said.
Amy Best, an associate professor of sociology and anthropology at George Mason University in Virginia and the author of "Prom Night: Youth, Schools and Popular Culture," said this is the first time she has heard of a school canceling the prom for such reasons.
"A lot of people have lamented the growing consumption that surrounds the prom," she said, noting it is not uncommon for students to pay $1,000 on the dance and surrounding costs: expensive dresses, tuxedo rentals, flowers, limousines, pre- and post-prom parties.
Edward Lawson, the father of a Kellenberg senior, said he and other parents are discussing whether to organize a prom without the sponsorship of the 2,500- student school.
"I don't think they have a right to judge what goes on after the prom," he said. "They put everybody in the category of drinkers and drug addicts."
Some parents picking up their children on a recent afternoon said they support Hoagland.
"The school has excellent values," said Margaret Cameron of Plainview, N.Y. "We send our children here because we support the values and the administration of the school, and I totally back everything they do."
"You seem to have an agenda here."
???
Thank you. :)
I fully support this principal - thanks for the letter!
Very heartening to hear that engaged couples are talking about more than the party, furniture, etc.
Thank you.
Amazingly, when I tell anyone that I'm homeschooling our high school daughter, the second question I'm asked is "What about the prom?". The first is ALWAYS, "What about socialization?" I usually tell them she doesn't need either for a successful education. She doesn't need to be around an entire school full of people her own age to learn, and she has no desire to go to a dance just because it's expected.
Proms have gotten totally out of hand. It's expensive for the schools to rent halls because NO ONE wants to have proms in the school gym anymore, heaven forbid! The costs of tux rentals and prom dresses can get out of hand, and too mnay kids think they should have limos to drive them to and from the prom. I have friends whose kids are working after school jobs just to earn the money they need to pay for their part of the prom costs.
Many parents are now enlisting the help of businesses to host 'After prom lock- ins' so kids can stay out all night and have a good time without the problems of drinking and driving, or getting into trouble in other ways. What's funny is that some of our daughter's friends from the high school are not even bothering going to the Prom, they're just going to the after Prom party!
Of course, the 'cool' kids think the After Prom lock-in is dorky, and their parents are more than happy to foot the bill for their kids' hotel parties because they want their kids to be 'cool', and they, of course, want to be considered 'cool' by their kids' friends.
This whole story steams me. Why on earth do parents let their kids do this stuff? (I know the answer--that was a rant.) I see kids all around me, religious families and not, getting away with murder. And money is not the root of the problem, but it makes it worse. And the greed fostered in the kids in totally against God's plan for us.
I support the school totally on this.
Grrrrrr.
You hit the nail on the head--the problem is parents who want their kids to be cool.
Wow thanks for the compliment pa mom. If it wasn't for my mother, I'd probably not be a Catholic today anyway. She's a mighty prayer warrior. I've come to expect some catholic bashing on FR and realise that it can make people a little touchy.
there are parents failing to PARENT all around us. this piece is about a catholic school, but the problem is ubiquitous.
One can most assuredly be secure in one's faith and be offended by generalizations...that was the point.
Thank you so very much!! I just couldn't handle ANY criticism of ANY of the rich hypocrites within my faith, not in the least!! It would just be crushing!
My problem is getting into the routine of regular church attendance :( My fiance rarely talk about wedding stuff. I'm sure he's relieved hehehehe.
Even more sad is the fact that they think by doing all these things they are being responsible parents!
Hey!
I resemble that remark.
"I just couldn't handle ANY criticism of ANY of the rich hypocrites within my faith, not in the least!!
No, I don't believe you could.
Of course, it is possible, (hadn't the thought occurred?) to actually criticize the people and not the faith, isn't it?
After all, did the faith fail the people or did the people fail the faith?
Get it?
The parents are at fault but the school has been way to tolerant.Why have kids that are participating in "drunken orgies" on weekend or at prom parties not been expelled?Even private schools that have long since abandoned their Christian roots discipline students for this kind of behavior.
actually he is doing a smart thing from a liability perspective.
By removing the school from the equation, WHEN things get out of hand on those "booze" cruises, or somebody rapes a girl (after she discovers she is pregnant and tried to explain how to daddy) the school is not exposed to the liability.
True. My kids go to a Catholic primary school that isn't affiliated with the Diocese. They get top-notch academic training. We are Methodists. They let us (and in some cases make us) opt out of Catholic activities, and the only complaint I have is the dearth of good physical education at the school. (Two hours a week? C'mon!)
Anyway, I closely monitor all their classwork, and I haven't had to counter any teachings with the protestant POV yet - it's all been basic Christianity so far.
I don't know if we're the exception or the rule. All I know is that our kids test in the 99th percentile in every discipline, so I can't complain.
Back on topic, we are probably at the lowest end of the economic scale of parents who send their children to this school (there are quite a few Nashville music biz parents). We've never been treated better than we have by the teachers, administrators, and other parents at this school. Unfortunately, it all ends after 8th grade, and finding a high school in this mold will be next to impossible.
Good points...lesson to be learned for parents and children of all faiths...
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