Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
Wow, I could never match your list.
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!
I whole heartedly agree!! The BEST movie, ever!
She peaked early in her career (Santa Claus Conquers The Martians). From there on, it's all been downhill.
When I think of how many people wasted their time and money on that stinker, I just go BERZERK!!!! :)
You betcha! Men.....like my Grandpa (didn't put up with any sissyness...out of other men or me!). They just don't make 'em like that anymore. At least, I haven't found him yet.
Only one winner possible here: Battlefield Earth
The only reason why that movie didn't kill me is that I passed out during it and fell on the TV's off button on the remote.
It was a special case of "No movie could possibly be as bad as the reviews so I'll watch it to see how bad it actually is". It was worse than I was told.
....bad movies = bad actors.....bad actors = bad movies.....
PULP FICTION is my favorite movie of all time. I can't believe you didn't like it.
Trust me, steve-b, movies like The Brothers Grimm and Dukes of Hazzard will ressurect MST3K. It would be a moral imperiative...
Class 1: Iron Eagle, Prizzi's Honor, Chinatown
Class 2: American Anthem, Rambo III, Rocky IV, Terror Train and everything with Steven Segal.
I'm sure there are more...but you can only focus on wasted time in your life for so long.
They do make em like that...they just don't get any publicity in the MSM...:)
We got em in spades in the USMC and the US Army!
Read "Back in Action" and you will know what I mean.
Each their own I guess. Never seen Peter's Friends so I can not compare.
I agree,
There are cute boys,
there are cute men,
there are handsome men,
there are ruggedly handsome men.
JL looks like a boy, he'll die looking like a boy. Same with De Caprio. Johnny Depp, well, almost crosses into something more than boy for sure, I just don't know how to define it.
BTW... is there yet another category for movies you knew were bad, would never admit to anyone that you watched it, but you secretly enjoyed it?
"Johnny Depp, well, almost crosses into something more than boy for sure, I just don't know how to define it."
LOL!
I do believe you have just defined "Metrosexual"...
BLECH!
Oddly there was a French import recently that I thought was good: "Look at Me" (French title, Comme une image). It was funny, real, and unpretentious. (Maybe that's why nobody besides me has ever heard of it.)
In your category 1: "Shakespeare in Love." Another overhyped heap of rubbish. Won lots of awards from fawning Hollywood types hoping to look high-brow.
I'm convinced that flick was a mere vehicle for Gwyneth Paltry-brain.
Heh, good one.
I am guilty of some of those...:)
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