Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
Oh no way!
Possibly the greatest unintentionally hysterical movie of all time!
Dumpy old Bendix plays the Babe all the way back in the orphanage for godsakes! He makes a cripple kid walk merely by laying his hands on him! He donates his still-living body for science experiments that one day may save others!
The funniest thing about that movie is that in the movie, the Babe dies his noble death so others might live. But when it was released, Babe Ruth was still alive! He went to the premiere!
I just LOVE everything about that movie.
I think we walked out on I Heart Huckabees.
Speaking of remakes that shouldn't have been made, last year's "The Manchurian Candidate" immediately comes to mind. And that reminds me, speaking of Denzel Washington (who I usually like), what about that 2-hour DNC ad "John Q."
Well that's not related to the 'all in one night' idea you mentioned. It was a great mood piece that could only have been directed by a master. It's a 'Director is the star' movie is there ever was one. The actors and script don't really matter.
We did!
That's the movie you are thinking of, but see, that's not really the plot! That's why I said the trailer is deceptive. If I tell you, I'll ruin it for you if you want to see it.
Ok... am I strange in saying that I liked this movie? I thought it was one of the best pieces of science fiction (as opposed to SciFi/Space Opera) to hit the screen in ages -- the premise of: what would be the social effects of introducing this type of technology.
The complaints you have are related to script not direction. Mood is more important then logic in a thriller.
The Aviator was a GREAT flick. It was refreshing to see a movie where the hero is a white male southern capitalist Republican who bashes limousine liberals like Kate Hepburn's family. One of only two Leonardo Di Caprio films I truly enjoyed.
I can see that we go to movies for totally different reasons.
Yes, it is, is your screen name about the Jimmy Buffet song?
Class 1:
American Beauty
Pulp Fiction
Jingle All the Way
Class 2:
Event Horizon
Bulworth
Class 3:
The Slums of Beverly Hills
You can add Face/Off to that list.
"A Mighty Wind" thank you (I think). I know it was a parody but it was a tedious parody.
And Titanic was the highest grossing, though both sucked awfully.
Go figure.
(And actually, I think Deep Throat made a higher return on investment than Blair Witch.)
Class 2: Robot Monster. I may be one of the few people alive who actually watched this in a movie theater. The "monster" was an actor in a gorilla suit and wearing a diver's helmet with TV rabbit ears glued to it! I believe they hired him because he was able to supply the costume. This vies with "Plan Nine for Earth" as the all time worst Sci Fi movie.
I have a friend who is constantly being mistaken for Bruce Campbell, the greatest B-movie actor of all time.
I have a friend who is constantly being mistaken for Bruce Campbell, the greatest B-movie actor of all time.
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