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Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage
The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

Posted on 07/05/2005 5:31:57 AM PDT by Bon mots

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To: Brilliant

later read/


61 posted on 07/05/2005 7:08:05 AM PDT by little jeremiah (A vitiated state of morals, a corrupted public conscience, are incompatible with freedom. P. Henry)
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To: Kelly_2000
How can we attribute one particular factor to this trend? I do not think we can, falling church attendance, lack of a moral and ethical framework, teenage sexual promiscuity and gangster culture role models, nuclear family is a thing of the past........

WHY ARE WE SURPSIED THAT MATRIMONY IS FADING FAST?

Great post, there isn't much wisdom in this thread, nice to find a bit of it. To put all the blame on "women" or "the feminist movement" is INCREDIBLY short-sighted. Society has gone through some incredible changes since World War I and continues to change for the worse at an incredibly rapid pace.

62 posted on 07/05/2005 7:09:00 AM PDT by DameAutour
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To: chris1
Most I know try to please the woman they are with

And that is why they fail. Women don't want a giving, compliant, docile man who satisfies their needs and cares about their feelings. Women want to feel needed, they don't want a man who is needy. The key to success is 100% cynicism. They smell weakness.

63 posted on 07/05/2005 7:09:02 AM PDT by AmishDude (Once you go black hat, you never go back.)
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To: The Toll

I'm going to get creamed for saying this but marriage sure seemed to last longer when brothels were legal. It may be a terrible thought but Ms. Kitty may have helped keep the home on the range.


64 posted on 07/05/2005 7:09:59 AM PDT by The Toll
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To: AmishDude

I am a pretty muscular bodybuilder type. I was losing my hair a bit in the front and shaved my head. I look pretty menacing right now, and my girlfriend hates it. She thinks I look like a tough bad dude. That's why I am keeping it!


65 posted on 07/05/2005 7:12:30 AM PDT by chris1 ("Make the other guy die for his country" - George S. Patton Jr.)
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To: billybudd
Here's a question: should everyone get married?

I (and the Church) would say no. It's a calling, although it's a calling for most men and women.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Matthew 19:12

"For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage [ Or have made themselves eunuchs] because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."


66 posted on 07/05/2005 7:12:58 AM PDT by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Bon mots
LOL. I love listening to married men bitching about not getting any. How many of these men treat her like she's something special everyday? How often do they take her out on a real date? How fat have they (the men) become? How lazy? Did they marry just because of sex and good-looks?

Treat her right, she'll treat you right. Wisdom from my father.
67 posted on 07/05/2005 7:13:04 AM PDT by BJClinton (I bend the microphone to the furthest point like a Germanic tribesman)
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To: chris1

You're learning. What women say they want and what they really want are completely independent of each other. Sometimes they sync up, sometimes they don't. She's probably honest: For that brief nanosecond of time, she didn't like it. But your instincts were right, grasshopper.


68 posted on 07/05/2005 7:16:05 AM PDT by AmishDude (Once you go black hat, you never go back.)
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To: brownsfan
some of the characteristics of the traditional role models are genetic traits. Women are better at multi tasking, and nurturing. Men are better at linear thought and abstract problem solving. Women will certainly be able to mold many men into househusbands. And then they will feel empty, wishing they had a man in the old style mold of a man.

I dont think they are genetic at all, as shown by how much women have changed since the 1950's, they mostly used to fit into the mold of Mrs Cleaver, now they are aggressive, run you off the road, and most women dont even wear skirts anymore, or even own one.

As far as being dissatisfied, when women outnumber men in college by 60% or more, and when all the high paid professions are now mostly female, it is inevitable that there will be a shortage of men who make more or who are better educated than women - it is basic math. Therefore, Women have to "change" to expect less from a man, to expect a less educated, a less paid partner. The one that owns the gold makes the rules, and women who make more than husbands will be the ones in charge, and men will have to do the more meaningless tasks in a marraige because womens time will be worth so much more than a mans time. When a woman manager or physician or attorney or biologist, etc comes home from a long day at work making mega bucks, she will expect dinner and a clean house.

69 posted on 07/05/2005 7:17:01 AM PDT by SandyB
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To: softwarecreator

You mean besides rap music, full body tattoos and piercing every part of their body?

There are several things they do the BB's did not do en masse ... well, at least not in my area.


Agreed, but in the area of sexuality......


70 posted on 07/05/2005 7:18:17 AM PDT by mlmr (CHICKIE-POO!)
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To: SandyB
Position: Wife

Duties:
Cooking: Prepare one meal each day.
Cleaning: Keep house in order. Vacuum and dust 1-2 per week, wipe down kitchen and bathroom daily.
Laundry: 2-3 times per week.

Total time required: 20-25 hours per week.

Perks:
Get up when you want.
Make your own schedule.
No commuting.
No bosses.
No rude co-workers.
2-hour lunches.
2 1-hour breaks.

Ladies: When you boil it down, a career is nothing more than a 9-5 job. Stay at home and enjoy your freedom.
71 posted on 07/05/2005 7:18:23 AM PDT by Mulch (tm)
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To: DameAutour
Thanks DameAutour :-)

My husband is a former marine and full time football coach and dad. I work full time in a research lab, BUT we share the same values in life some people would call old fashioned values. This is why we will never divorce, or why I do the housework and have dinner waiting for him when he comes home. (it would ruin my impression of him as a strapping marine to see him with a feather duster or baking ingredients in his hand LOL)He still opens doors for me. We go to church.....

Does this mean I am servile or exploited ?? Arrggghhh the politically correct buffoons of the 80's and 90's have a lot to answer for.

72 posted on 07/05/2005 7:20:17 AM PDT by Kelly_2000 (Because they stand on a wall and say nothing is going to hurt you tonight. Not on my watch)
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To: The Toll
I'm going to get creamed for saying this but marriage sure seemed to last longer when brothels were legal.

They still are, see "The Hedonist" on Amazon.com

73 posted on 07/05/2005 7:20:39 AM PDT by T. Jefferson
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To: PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain
He viewed having children as "giving up you freedom".

That's about 50% of the people at work. All I ever wanted was to have kids. Thank God I have some, and it's even better than I hoped it would be or could have ever imagined.

There's no way to adequately explain the intensity of love that I felt when my first was born. The way I try to explain it is that my heart went out from me and joined to my daughter, like an iron bond.

74 posted on 07/05/2005 7:21:07 AM PDT by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: T. Jefferson
How naive this writer be. The cause of the bulk of divorces is that "women change". Within 3 to 5 years after marriage they neither look nor act remotely like the friendly, supportive, thin bride they once were.

That's a clever line but you seem to have inadvertently switched the sexes, given that the "bulk of divorces" are instigated by women.

75 posted on 07/05/2005 7:22:12 AM PDT by highball ("I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." -- Thomas Jefferson)
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To: Aquinasfan
"There's no way to adequately explain the intensity of love that I felt when my first was born. The way I try to explain it is that my heart went out from me and joined to my daughter, like an iron bond."

It would be impossible to explain to someone that has no children don't even try. You did come close though.........:-)

76 posted on 07/05/2005 7:23:08 AM PDT by Kelly_2000 (Because they stand on a wall and say nothing is going to hurt you tonight. Not on my watch)
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To: AmishDude

Believe it or not, I was a bit self conscious about the hair thing, until I shaved my head and got a little color on top. I get looks like never before and feel more confident than ever.


77 posted on 07/05/2005 7:23:18 AM PDT by chris1 ("Make the other guy die for his country" - George S. Patton Jr.)
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To: Bon mots
If you treat all men as selfish, insensitive, lazy, lying, feckless, incompetent scumbags, you should not be surprised if that is what they turn out to be.

Spoken like a true misogynist. Perhaps some men really ARE those things, then treating as IF they are is irrelevant. That list describes my soon-to-be ex. Except he ommited some other adjectives, such as "sociopathic, abusive, irresponsible, cruel, substance-addicted, mentally ill." I did not need to TREAT him like he was those things for him to be those things. He WAS and IS those things. This article is a big cover for the plea for more sex from women. (Flame away.....)

78 posted on 07/05/2005 7:25:05 AM PDT by Conservatrix ("He who stands for nothing will fall for anything.")
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To: Let's Roll

Unfotunately....while men may have that luxury of a woman at home cooking, cleaning, shopping....raising the kids...the man is having affairs and/or expects his wife to be thin and pretty until she's 90. I don't even want to try to fit into that mold in today's world. If you ask me, it's men who ruined most woman's desire to 'stay at home'. The divorce rate skyrocketed over mens fantasies and woman had to fend for themselves. That's why I was brought up education over everything else in my strict religious family.


79 posted on 07/05/2005 7:25:28 AM PDT by Fawn
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To: highball
"given that the "bulk of divorces" are instigated by women."

Instigated? this can mean that the man was guilty of infidelity so it would not be helpful to look at which gender "instigates" the divorce. This is assuming that infidelity of either gender is the real cause of divorce figures. My guess is that it is not, rather changing attitudes and "must have" society is really the factor

80 posted on 07/05/2005 7:25:55 AM PDT by Kelly_2000 (Because they stand on a wall and say nothing is going to hurt you tonight. Not on my watch)
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