Posted on 06/23/2005 5:39:01 AM PDT by Tumbleweed_Connection
"Why do people act that way?" a young Delta Airlines stewardess recently asked in astonishment as an underground shuttle scooted among terminals at Georgia's Hartsfield Airport.
"It's manners," an older, exasperated colleague replied. "Most people aren't taught any."
Who knows what outrages they endured that day at 35,000 feet. Serving hundreds of regular people daily, it could be anything.
On a recent flight from La Guardia to Atlanta en route to New Orleans, a young father prepared to change his baby son's diaper on the empty window seat beside his own spot on the aisle. After another horrified passenger and I objected, the tot's mother addressed the infant's biological needs in the appropriate place — the lavatory. She looked disturbed that anyone would oppose the sanitary affront her husband attempted.
The ongoing collapse of courtesy is no surprise in a nation with so many people who are as self-absorbed as black holes. Consider this T-shirt I've spotted: "It's all about me deal with it."
As a consumer of opinion journalism, you likely are refined and well-mannered. If not, or you wish to help someone seemingly reared by pigeons, follow these twelve small steps toward a more polite America.
1) We can hear you now. Even if your party cannot understand your cellular call, those around you often cannot escape your every word. What you ate for lunch and where you are standing right now is far less interesting to them than to you, so restrain your voice. Or better yet, stay off your phone when surrounded by others.
2) Excellent venues to disable cell phones include restaurants, theaters, and funerals, the last four of which I attended were interrupted by mobile phones. Also, there is nothing quite like being in a restroom while a stranger screams his life story into a handheld device. For tips on cellular etiquette, see here.
3) Except for Dionne Warwick, we are not psychic. So, use your car's turn signals. This beats startling nearby drivers by suddenly steering several tons of steel into their paths. Likewise, turning a corner without signaling makes people waste time waiting for you to cross an intersection you never intended to. Conveniently enough, motor vehicles typically include blinkers.
4) Push in your seat when leaving tables in restaurants, libraries, and conference rooms. Abandoning your chair or barstool in the middle of a path obstructs those who walk by after you depart.
5) Before exiting a bathroom, close the toilet — lid and all. Leaving the lid or seat up makes the next guest contemplate whether you stood or sat during your visit. Spare him or her that imagery.
6) It remains civilized to hold open the door for someone who is walking a few steps behind you. Letting the door slam in his face is rude. When someone opens a door for you, say "thank you." Muttering "Excuse me" makes a gracious person feel his thoughtfulness is abusive. Walking by and saying nothing, as if that lady or gentleman were your servant or simply invisible, is vulgar.
7) "Please" and "thank you" are not vulgarities. Use them generously, especially around children. They need to learn two of the language's finest words, even if adults say them less than they should.
8) "RSVP" means, "Tell those who have invited you to an event whether you will attend." They will welcome your "yes" or regret but appreciate your "no." Not replying leaves them perplexed, unclear of how many guests to anticipate, and miffed if you eventually arrive unexpectedly.
9) Thank you notes, e-mails, and phone calls are appropriate when someone has given you a present, meal, or significant favor. Not even acknowledging a Christmas gift, in contrast, is particularly boorish.
10) Always leave your phone number with your phone messages. Let people simply jot down your number rather than drop everything to look it up.
11) Control your kids. It's not cute to let children run amuck on airplanes, kick the backs of people's seats, and holler uncontrollably. Teach your children to restrain themselves in public rather than terrorize grown-ups.
12) Trash cans are there for a reason. Use them. Customer work areas at Kinko's copy shops often resemble an explosion at a paper factory. A major airline's east coast shuttle lounge in Washington, D.C.'s Reagan National Airport — gateway for learned attorneys, lobbyists, journalists, and members of Congress — recently almost suffocated beneath whole sections and loose pages of various newspapers. They were strewn across the floor and on many seats. These literate adults apparently did not have their mommies on hand to locate the ubiquitous, neglected garbage bins.
The point of all this is not necessarily to turn every American man and woman, respectively, into Cary Grant and Grace Kelly, though we could do worse. The idea is to encourage each of us — every day, in tiny ways — to subtract from, rather than add to, the worries of an impolite world.
...just one question...where did daddy put the dirty diaper?....In the overhead?
As a former Delta Flight Attendant - I have helped mothers change diapers on my jump seat - in the back of an empty row of seats far removed from other passengers - and (with blankets) on the floor of the galley area. There is no good place to change a diaper on an airplane - unfortunately....
I once had to sit next to Grace Kelly on a plane. She grabbed my coffee mug and used it as a spit can for her chewing tobacco....
Okay, not really.
I've been in the lavs on airplanes. I'd like to know what acrobats the mother had to go through to accomplish this. Anyone ever had to do this? I'm curious as to how it would be managed.
Agreed. Sometimes the confines of a cabin are just not adequate to attend to the needs of children without disturbing to some degree one's nearby companions. When my children were little (three children in four years) I flew alone frequently. Leaving my seat in the middle of a night flight meant leaving two toddlers who would no doubt wake and cry and wonder where mommy was. That would be a problem, too. Ya just can't win. Besides, every flight attendent knows that the airlines provide barf bags, clearly anticipating that some things that are rude, noisy or smelly will happen and its not an affront to fellow travelers, just part of the deal. Always try to be polite, but the other side of the equation is that not everything you don't want to see is avoidable or an affront.
Too wordy. Let me sum up: Unless I've been banging your wife, your kid's not my problem.
I'm currently dipping snuff while reading "Unlimited Access" and "Rewriting History", but not in public ;)
That could be true. I've never seen one, but then, I haven't looked for one either.
"13) When you are in your car, do not assume that EVERYONE appreciates the same kind of music that you do. Keep the volume at a reasonable level, everyone doesn't want to feel like they are riding in YOUR car listening to YOUR music. This goes especially for folks who have speakers with the bass capaicity to register as a small earthquake."
One of my biggewst peeves! I shouldn't be able to hear your car stereo in my HOUSE!!
How about the wing?
I was on a commuter jet recently, having to make like the hunchback of Notre Dame just to handle my business.
I have no idea how I would change a diaper in a space where I can't even stand erect. (I'm 5'11")
Heck, I've had sex on airplanes. A little diaper changin' ain't nothin'....
Unfortunately, we have the idiots, the conceits, the rude, and the self-absorbed that are allowed to fly too, and as well, exposure to them in a confined area is sometimes also a part of our lives.
ping
Great article! As I was reading it, the voice in my head was that of my dearly departed friend, Cathy. (Cancer. Last year. D@mn.)
Her FAVORITE phrase was, "How Rude!" And she had NO problem with taking immediate corrective action in social situations, if she saw someone misbehaving.
Society has lost one of the last Great Dames with her passing, LOL!
You're probably right about your skills in diaper changing - no dispute there. The mistake you make, however, is the skill others possess, the activity of the child (some are p*ssers and some are flingers) and and the accompanying odors. I don't even need to address the possibility of...ahem...materials contaminating seats, tables and arm rests. Having changed many diapers, you'll certainly know what I'm saying. Subjecting a couple hundred people to the mysteries in your child's diapers in a sealed cabin at 35,000 feet is just plain wrong. If these lazy and inconsiderate parents can't get up and walk 20 feet to the lavatories, they shouldn't be surprised when people get angry at their rudeness, stupidity and insolence.
On a flight to Florida 2 weeks ago a baby was changed on the parents tray table in the seat behind me. I have changed many infants but that one nearly choked me to death with the smell. If you could do it on a tray table you could have done in the restroom. Now that is rude.
While I appreciate your kind words regarding my legendary diaper changing skills, your comment leads me to conclude that: a) you have never actually changed a diaper yourself, or B)you have never been in an airplane lavatory, or c) both.
I do not believe that it would be possible to change a diaper in an airplane lavatory, given its small size and lack of flat surfaces. Even if one had the necessary skills as a contortionist to do it (which skills I sadly lack), I do not believe it would be safe for the child.
Besides, if the only people in a row of seats on one side of the aisle are the infant and parent, that in and of itself is pretty damn private.
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