Posted on 12/19/2004 6:20:25 PM PST by Ellesu
TULSA, Okla. (AP) -- Far from the coastal strongholds of the same-sex marriage movement, gays in the red states of the Bible Belt are struggling to maintain confidence and optimism in the aftermath of an election that many viewed as a stinging personal rebuff.
In Oklahoma, the 76 percent support for a constitutional ban on gay marriage has prompted some gays to leave the state or consider leaving. The staff of Tulsa's community center for gays and lesbians say calls to the center's help line, some of them suicidal, have tripled since the election.
In many cases, however, the dismay is accompanied by renewed determination.
"Some people talk about leaving, but there's a larger group more invested in fighting than they were before," said Mark Bonney, a gay activist who heads Tulsa Oklahomans for Human Rights. "They're saying it's time to come out to their families, to draw a line in the sand."
The resilience is evident in the launch of a $1 million fund-raising campaign for a new gay community center, in a court challenge of a new state law opposing adoptions by same-sex couples, and in the decision of two lesbian couples to file a lawsuit against the state and federal laws that deny recognition to same-sex unions.
"Tulsa is our home, and we have a strong community of family and friends," said Sue Barton, one of the plaintiffs. "Why would we pack up and leave just because we're treated unequally? We'd rather work toward being treated equally here."
Oklahoma was among 11 states that passed gay-marriage bans on Nov. 2. Only Mississippi's amendment won a higher portion of votes - 86 percent.
"We couldn't get married before, so it didn't create any larger legal hurdle," Bonney said. "But it's got to hurt, when you know that three out of four of your neighbors don't want you around. It was a statement of hate."
The author of Oklahoma's gay-marriage ban, Republican state Sen. James Williamson of Tulsa, insists hate was not a factor, but he shares the view of many in this churchgoing state that homosexuality is a sinful lifestyle choice.
"As a Christian, I don't like that behavior," Williamson said. "If they want to live their life quietly, in the privacy of their homes, that's freedom in America. But when you want to force the rest of us to accept a new definition of marriage, we're not going to stand for that."
Except for one small town, no Oklahoma municipality has joined the hundreds of cities and towns nationwide that have expanded anti-discrimination laws to cover sexual orientation.
"We'll never go there," Williamson said. "If a Christian couple here in Oklahoma doesn't want to rent property to openly in-your-face homosexuals, they should have a right to do that."
Oklahomans voted overwhelmingly Republican - red on the campaign map - in the presidential race, and also gave the GOP control of the state House for the first time in more than 80 years, increasing the likelihood of socially conservative legislation.
Tom Neal, an aspiring architect and publisher of a now-defunct monthly gay newspaper, said fears of growing intolerance have prompted him and several friends to consider moving to Canada.
Two of his friends, partners for 24 years, plan to wed next month in British Columbia, and Neal said he would join them in surveying real estate there. He's descended from Oklahoma Land Rush settlers, but Neal says that "after this election, I'm literally feeling a lot less safe."
Atlanta native Laura Belmonte says she has established a comfortable life as a history professor at Oklahoma State University in Stillwater, where she lives with her lesbian partner and sometimes advises gay students.
"Some Oklahomans make this blatant assumption about sameness - that you're straight, you're an evangelical, you're conservative," she said. "If you challenge any component of that, some people just write you off."
To an extent, national gay-rights groups also wrote off Oklahoma's gay community - offering only token assistance for the longshot campaign against the marriage ban.
Bonney said he understood the pragmatism behind such decisions, although he noted that Tulsa gays have been organized and active for 20 years. Far from demanding marriage rights, many gays and lesbians in Oklahoma are still wrestling with whether to come out to family and associates, he said.
"You can't have marriage until you've gained enough self-acceptance to demand respect from your neighbors," he said. "That's still an ongoing process here."
The four women filing the lawsuit against state and federal marriage laws hope their effort will inspire boldness among others in the local gay community. They shrug off criticism from several national gay-rights groups who say their lawsuit is so certain to fail that it will be counterproductive.
"We may not prevail, but to run a marathon you have to start taking steps," said Sharon Baldwin, who - like partner Mary Bishop - is an editor at the Tulsa World. "We can't sit back and do nothing."
Baldwin and Bishop, who were heartened by their newspaper colleagues' support, say they have no interest in leaving Oklahoma. Sue Barton said she and her partner did contemplate moving to Chicago or the East Coast after getting a civil union in Vermont in 2001, but now they also intend to stay.
"We have to live smart and careful," she said. "But we don't walk around in fear."
On Dec. 13, about 125 Tulsa gays and their families gathered at a Congregational church for a holiday potluck dinner, trying to shake off the postelection blues with turkey and pie, songs by a gay-lesbian chorus, and a ceremony honoring some of their supporters.
"Each of us is unique," said one of the honorees, Rabbi Charles Sherman. "Those who'd have us fit into some neat category that makes them comfortable - they're wrong. That's not what God wants."
Somehow they managed to live up til now without the right to marry, yet all of a sudden it's suicide-worthy that they can't?
Anyone else thinking "drama queens"?
I don't understand what all the fuss is about, the law is plain and simple. Two men or two women, heterosexual or queer, cannot marry each other.
"Drama Queen" is one of the phrases which does come to mind. Especially if they're like the posts I've read on DU about gay people worrying they would be sent to "re-education camps, just like in Hitler's Germany". I actually saw several posts along that line.
The GLBT folks should be careful, if same sex marriages are OKd, they may find large employers dropping their domestic partner insurance coverage, which is what I heard happened in Mass.
They are leaving, That's good!
They are comminting suicide, I would suggest seeing a Shrink instead.
They think everybody hates them, not really maybe some, but we TOLERATE them, until they start pushing it on us and try making us agreeing to something we are not going to agree to.
We ahve TOLERATED their lifestyle and now they are trying to push it on us, and our children >> we are not going to allow it. Were are the MAJORITY we have set the STANDARD and we will not deviate any farther.
Now you know haow youre neighbors feel, don't push it! You will get a fight.
Anyone else thinking "drama queens"?
Yup!Just like muslims.Don't want to assimilate.
They want to be "special",they want to change our laws,traditions,morals and way of life.
I would advise anyone to leave the homosexual lifestyle. Period. There is propaganda out there that they were born that way; they can't change. But that is palpably a lie: many thousands have. Today can be your day of liberation!
In a personal triumph, I got him to vote for Bush this time around.
Your friend sounds like a reasonable, thinking man!
I actually do have a good male friend who is gay. He doesn't vote, as he thinks his vote won't count, but he told me if he did vote, he'd vote for President Bush. I have talked myself hoarse to him about that, but can't convince him. Good job you did!
What's funny is he keeps saying to me "There's a part of you that still doesn't believe it, but I did!"
Some gay guy wrote The Oklahoman after the election and said he was now leaving Oklahoma. Letter after letter told him to not let the door hit him on the way out. Voters have spoken in OK and 76% of us are against gay marriage so if they don't like Oklahoma, then MOVE!
Sweet Jesus.
Just move to Austin.
Yeah, I don't know why any homosexuals would hang around in Oklahoma. It doesn't make sense. Weirdly, someone I know from Witchita says that he grew up with some homosexuals who moved to OKC because it's got a big gay community, not like his city. Not what I think of in Oklahoma.
Any idea which "one small town" in Oklahoma expanded anti-discrimination laws to cover sexual orientation?
OKC is not what I've heard to be the city of choice.
But what do I know?
Cheers, HT.
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