Posted on 12/17/2004 9:25:01 AM PST by John Robertson
My wife and I just got word from my daughter's college that we will be shocked when we see her tonight, when she gets home for Christmas break. We were fairly shocked at Thanksgiving, at the weight she'd dropped. Her personality is off, she has lost her sense of humor, has mood swings, her menstruation has stopped, she can barely sleep. She's eating, but not much. A few granola bars a day, and water. She is not skeletal, certainly, but way too thin, and her "spark" is gone. She may or may not be taking some vitamin supplements we got her. Though she is not officially diagnosed, she exhibits enough signs of the syndrome that saying, "Let's wait and see" is simply major denial. She's got it. My wife is scrambling right now, looking for the right local program or specialist in our area (Pittsburgh) to deal with her. The situation is dire.
Peer pressure may also be a large factor, since socially, girls are now 'supposed' to be thin, mainly driven by falsely produced media standards and expectations. The result: young women who feel they must 'be like the norm' to just fit in.
These are two issues that can be overcome with intervention and the help of a doctor/psychiatrist that specialized in anorexia cases. My advice to you would be to have your daughter take a semester off from school and get the help she needs. Afterward, when she is on the road to recovery, a school closer to home may be best.
My best wishes to you and your daughter.
Good luck to you. I had a friend who was bulimic and it was really frustrating to have her acknowledge how messed up that life is and yet do it anyway. And something to consider, that you won't want to believe, is that now that you know about it, if she isn't ready to change, she'll hide it from you.
I remember buying my friend a nice meal in a restaurant and then physically babysitting her to not leave her alone for many hours. I told her if I was buyin' I wouldn't stand for her just throwing it up. Of course, it wasn't about money.
It's just so frustrating to see someone doing something so irrational to themselves. My friend eventually drifted away from me, she didn't want the help I was forcing on her. I'll pray that you have just the right amount of wisdom and tact to not alienate her, but she'll have to make this change herself.
Yep, yet, most men say they prefer curvy women- but the media, advertisers, Hollywood, and modeling agencies still promote the skinny, no shape, almost andorgenous look. Dime to donuts that the majority of men would take Kate Winslet over a runway model anyday.
Powerful, powerful response. Thank you so much.
Thank you, for the blessings and thoughts.
I have been in your shoes with almost exactly the same circumstances. We went to two general counseling sources, both secular. That was a disaster. I recommend seeking specific counseling for anorexia, preferably Christian, in my opinion. My prayers for your family.
I believe Steven Levenkron has some easy to read books on this subject...You might want to check his writings on this.
Thanks. Many people have suggested we yank her out of school at once. That may be the course we take, but the professionals we have consulted with already have echoed your thought: That making her quit her school (where she does well, has friends, and absolutely loves it there), could really push her over the edge.
If it comes to that, it comes to that. But if there's a way into treatment without that (for example, her school's health department is ready to jump into her treatment), we'll go that way.
You clearly have strong opinions, borne of experience and observation. I appreciate them. Your "tough love" approach, however, runs counter to the advice we've gotten from the handful of professionals we've already discussed this with (and this is all in the last 48 hours!). But I do admit that their approach might lean too hard toward the "touchy-feely," and I will heed your caution. This is not a note of disagreement, at all. It's a note of thanks. Your input goes "into the hopper," with all the rest of the valuable FR advice I've gotten. Merry Christmas.
Perhaps. Maybe. Perhaps. Probably not. Maybe. That's probably part of it, at any rate.
Inpatient treatment works in a controlled environment. Best results with that.
She probably won't get it at the college. Counseling is not enough.
We were notified as soon as they realized it was a likelihood. Consider: If colleges called the parents of every kid (boy or girl) who was stressed, not eating right (neither enough, or too much!), not sleeping right...during Finals Week (which this just was)...then followed the advice of many here--Yank the kid out of school--I think the campuses of America might empty out tomorrow.
On the other hand, you're absolutely right. But we are convinced that those in charge at her school are on the ball. Merry Christmas.
I know I'm her father, but your description of ALL the anorexics you've known does not fit my daughter. I'll spare you the litany of her good works to date, but trust me. Merry Christmas.
Keep walking her past Cinnabon. Man, that was funny. I avoid malls, because as soon as I step in the door, I smell the Cinnabon odor wafting my way...and gravitate toward it unthinkingly.
Pittsburgh. Already got referrals for other professionals here, from Freeper doctors! Amazing.
Wonderful thoughts, thank you.
Bravo for your emotional contribution. Merry Christmas.
I know I must have sounded harsh- but this has been my experience in the past, and the parents thought their child was NOT self-centered either.
Get her interest in something OTHER than 'me me me'
Rob, thanks for the ping and hope you are doing very well.
PwMp
Heavenly Father, I lift up to You this family, especially the daughter. Please pour wisdom and sustenance into her and all those who love her, and please reveal anything that's hidden that would help her parents know why this is happening and how best to intervene. I thank You for giving us all of our precious children and for helping us take good care of them. May this be a time when John Robertson and his wife feel Your presence and Your love. We ask You to surround their daughter with angels to protect her. Thank You for hearing and answering heavenly Father, we ask all this in the Name of Jesus. Amen.
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