You clearly have strong opinions, borne of experience and observation. I appreciate them. Your "tough love" approach, however, runs counter to the advice we've gotten from the handful of professionals we've already discussed this with (and this is all in the last 48 hours!). But I do admit that their approach might lean too hard toward the "touchy-feely," and I will heed your caution. This is not a note of disagreement, at all. It's a note of thanks. Your input goes "into the hopper," with all the rest of the valuable FR advice I've gotten. Merry Christmas.
FWIW, I'd factor that key issue/those issues this way . . .
The tail does NOT need to wag the dog and would end up counter productive if it did.
Nevertheless, SHE IS THE ONE IN A CRITICAL STATE AT THE MOMENT and will reasonably and rightly be the focus, center of attention. That's unavoidable. And, it's not automatically all bad at all.
CONTROL IS A HUGE issue with such problems. And, it's necessary to sort through with the professionals involved, what are fitting areas and ways for her to have control and what aren't. Those are very tricky issues with such individuals. A meat axe approach is not wise or likely to be productive.
I've known of some BEHAVIOR MOD folks to empty a child's bedroom except for a mat on the floor and minimal covers and the child had to earn absolutely everything back with the desired behaviors. That's enormously drastic. It's called for in some cases and can be massively effective. I suspect it'd be the absolutely WRONG first, 2nd or 3rd approaches in anorexic cases.
I think firmness is fitting where your personhood or core values are involved. Avoid compromising those without extremely good reason and then extremely rarely and briefly, if at all.
A *LOT* of things must needs be very, very negotiable--up for grabs--grist for the mill in arriving at THE MOST PRODUCTIVE SET-UP FOR REDEMPTIVELY RETURNING OR MOVING YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOUR FAMILY TO MAXIMUM AVAILABLE HEALTHINESS. No biggy. Life can get like that. Just some people don't notice or pay attention or realize it until it's way too late. Thankfully, you're paying attention early-ish.
And here I am running off at the fingers again. I'll hush.
Just don't be afraid to challenge the touchy-feely type professionals. It will help you to figure out whether they're really going to be helpful or not. Example: years ago, I read an article in a magazine or newspaper, which included an interview with a "professional" who specialized in treating eating disorders. She had it all figured out that the girls' problems derived from low self-esteem and similar issues. One of her "treatments", in group sessions, involved having the girls trace an outline of each of their bodies with chalk on the floor. Then she'd tell them to draw what was "inside them" inside their outlines -- meaning their identities, feelings, etc. This "professional" made a big deal out of the fact that most of the girls couldn't seem to think of anything to draw inside themselves. SEE, she said, they feel EMPTY inside. Naturally, the interviewer didn't push the obvious question: What do normal teenage girls draw when put through this exercise? Think about it -- would YOU be able to think of things to draw in this situation? And that you would be WILLING to draw and explain in a room full of your peers. Don't be afraid to ask these questions about any treatments or theories that sound a little odd to you.
Another "test question" for therapists should be: "Tell me about the different kinds of eating disorders; what types are most common in our society, and what causes them?" If the therapist goes on and on about anorexia and bulimia, and talking about cultural pressure for women to be thin, etc., but never mentions that the most widespread eating disorder in our society, which will cause many times more premature deaths than anorexia and bulimia combined, is chronic overeating (without purging), then you are dealing with a therapist who is mired in a psychobabbly socio-political agenda, not a sound scientific fact-based agenda. Such a therapist is unlikely to be able to objectively analyze and deal with your daughter's eating issues.
Good luck!
And one more thing. Since you'll invariably have a wide array of professionals to choose from, try to involve your daughter heavily in the choice -- both the first choice(s), and the choice to make changes. Rule out any individuals who really strike you as inappropriate, but then present her with information and your thoughts on the rest. If at all possible, she needs to own the treatment process -- have a sense of control over it. Of course, if she's too far gone to acknowledge that she has a problem, and commit to fixing it, this won't work. But hopefully, you've caught this early enough that she'll listen to reason, at least to some extent.