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The Planets Have Made Up Their Mind: Kerry Wins (Reuters desperation becoming comical)
Reuters ^ | Fri, Oct 29, 2004

Posted on 10/29/2004 8:34:54 AM PDT by presidio9

Surveys in the United States may be showing the race for president as too close to call but top Indian astrologers say the planets have clearly made up their mind: John Kerry will win.

Planets governing President Bush are eclipsed and in an uncomfortable position, making his tenure controversial and his re-election bid unsuccessful, the soothsayers said on Friday, four days before the vote.

On the other hand, the planets of Democratic challenger Senator John Kerry were in the ascendant, ensuring him success in competitions.

"Saturn, which is the lord of health and fortune for President Bush, has been eclipsed by the Sun, which is unfortunate and gives him a clear defeat," Lachhman Das Madan, editor of a popular astrology magazine, told Reuters.

"Kerry will win," said Madan, who is also known as "the emperor of astrologers." "It is cosmic writ that George W. Bush cannot become president of United States again."

Ajai Bhambi, a senior astrologer and author of several books on the science of predictions, agreed.

"Kerry is likely to beat Bush in the final verdict," he told the New Indian Express newspaper.

Bejan Daruwalla, another top astrologer, told Reuters he had yet to calculate who would win Tuesday's election. But Bush, even if he won, would not be allowed by his planets to complete a full term, he said.

Astrology is extremely popular in India and many top politicians, businessmen and movie stars consult astrologers before taking important decisions.

Tuesday's vote is forecast to be one of the closest in American history. A Reuters/Zogby poll showed on Thursday that Bush was leading Kerry by 48 to 46 percent but the lead was well within the poll's margin of error.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: astrology; desperatedems; napalminthemorning; prozacchewables; reuterskerryagenda; thorazine; uranusjokesneverold; wot
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To: presidio9

What's next? Will Reuters post a 900 number for their news?


21 posted on 10/29/2004 8:41:59 AM PDT by unbalanced but fair
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To: presidio9
top Indian astrologers say the planets have clearly made up their mind: John Kerry will win.

Note to lurking Dems - this clearly means that you don't have to take all the trouble to go to the polls on Tuesday. Just stay at home and have a relaxing evening. The planets will do your voting for you.

22 posted on 10/29/2004 8:42:00 AM PDT by UsnDadof8 (Kerry is no sportsman...Unless lying could be considered a sport)
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To: presidio9
"But Bush, even if he won, would not be allowed by his planets to complete a full term, he said."

What's he trying to say? Assassinated? Put him on the list, Men in Black, he definately has tin foil poisoning.
23 posted on 10/29/2004 8:42:17 AM PDT by iceinject
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To: presidio9

From now on, all predictions of Kerry winning should be filed under "Oddly Enough".


24 posted on 10/29/2004 8:42:20 AM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (How do you ask a goose to be the last goose to die for the Kerry campaign?)
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To: presidio9

What the h311 is this doing in the news?

I swear, journalists are the most scientifically ignorant herd of morons on the face of the earth.


25 posted on 10/29/2004 8:42:25 AM PDT by Constantine XIII
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To: presidio9
Bejan Daruwalla, another top astrologer, told Reuters he had yet to calculate who would win Tuesday's election. But Bush, even if he won, would not be allowed by his planets to complete a full term, he said.

That sounds like a threat.
26 posted on 10/29/2004 8:42:56 AM PDT by holymoly
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To: hflynn

>>How many Electoral Votes does Jupiter, Mars, Venus, etc each have?<<

Damn illegal aliens. :^D


27 posted on 10/29/2004 8:44:01 AM PDT by dangus
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To: presidio9

This is hysterical! Thanks for the comic relief.LOL


28 posted on 10/29/2004 8:44:08 AM PDT by penelopesire
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To: Perdogg
Ajai Bhambi, a senior astrologer and author of several books on the science of predictions, agreed.

"Kerry is likely to beat Bush in the final verdict," he told the New Indian Express newspaper.

Evolutionist Caste System Slavery.....

India's Democratic 'Caste' Slavery......

Israel is Blessed for ever!!

29 posted on 10/29/2004 8:44:25 AM PDT by maestro
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To: presidio9
Indian astrologers must not be consulting Ganesha, the the (GOP) Elephant God:


30 posted on 10/29/2004 8:44:29 AM PDT by Constitution Day (I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin, it's all a mystery...)
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To: Perdogg
Ajai Bhambi, a senior astrologer and author of several books on the science of predictions, agreed.

"Kerry is likely to beat Bush in the final verdict," he told the New Indian Express newspaper.

Evolutionist Caste System Slavery.....

India's Democratic 'Caste' Slavery......

Israel is Blessed for ever!!

31 posted on 10/29/2004 8:44:40 AM PDT by maestro
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To: CFC__VRWC
If it were up to the Rats, they'd get one EV for each millimeter of distance from the Earth.

Along with every member of the United Nations.

32 posted on 10/29/2004 8:45:04 AM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (How do you ask a goose to be the last goose to die for the Kerry campaign?)
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To: maestro

GAWD! The Dems have replaced McAwful with Miss Cleo!


33 posted on 10/29/2004 8:45:11 AM PDT by austinaero
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To: presidio9

Jackie Stallone's psychic dogs predicted Bush. They have a better track record.


34 posted on 10/29/2004 8:45:26 AM PDT by TheBigB (Please Lord...let Bush win and I promise...no naughty thoughts about Lindsay Lohan for a week.)
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To: Question Liberal Authority

Kerry to Edwards: "Check out this poll! I'm up in Uranis!"

Sorry, but dammit, somebody had to write it!


35 posted on 10/29/2004 8:45:29 AM PDT by dangus
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To: hflynn

This must be true. Everytime I see a Kerry supporter, I want to say "you've got your head stuck up Uranus".


36 posted on 10/29/2004 8:45:54 AM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (How do you ask a goose to be the last goose to die for the Kerry campaign?)
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To: holymoly

Again, it's the democrats accusing the republicans of their own position. I don't see Kerry lasting two years before impeachment rolls around for his Article 13 violation.


37 posted on 10/29/2004 8:46:20 AM PDT by Renderofveils (8th Engineer Bn, 1 Cav. "Cannibals!")
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To: Question Liberal Authority

Nyahh Nyaah! I was quicker AND funnier. :^P


38 posted on 10/29/2004 8:47:22 AM PDT by dangus
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To: dangus

Mine was spelled correctly.


39 posted on 10/29/2004 8:48:03 AM PDT by Question Liberal Authority (How do you ask a goose to be the last goose to die for the Kerry campaign?)
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To: Constantine XIII
I swear, journalists are the most scientifically ignorant herd of morons on the face of the earth.

There, much more accurate.

:^)

40 posted on 10/29/2004 8:48:11 AM PDT by SAJ (Buy 2 March NG 15.00 calls, write 5 March NG 18.50calls against, for 5-10 cent credit.)
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