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Team America: Conservatives Will Love it
DebbieSchlussel.com ^
| October 14, 2004
| Debbie Schlussel
Posted on 10/16/2004 11:50:39 PM PDT by Cool Chick
"Team America" Rocks October 14 , 2004 Printer Friendly
No wonder Sean Penn is miffed at Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
He and other liberal airhead celebs--like Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, and Alec Baldwin--finally get their comeuppance.
Theyre dismembered, incinerated, and otherwise tortuously eliminated by the South Park creators.
Unfortunately, its just the puppet version. And its only on celluloid. The real-life versions of these self-righteous glitterati pains in the rear are still with us.
But its always nice to fantasize -- as Stone and Parker do in Team America: World Police, a cinematic political satire, which debuts Friday.
Just like in real-life (though they wont admit it), George Clooney, Matt Damon, Samuel L. Jackson, and other assorted idiotic Hollywoodites, are working with the terrorists. In this film, they are literally working with the terroristsled by Baldwin and North Korean Communist leader Kim Jong-Ilto destroy us.
Reminiscent of John Kerry, power-mad marionette versions of Baldwin and his fellow Hollywooders kvetch that the War on Terror has made the world hate us. But the puppet-celebs hate us with equal vigor and work to stop Team America.
Penn constantly spouts off about his trip to Iraq, last year. On a Peter Jennings (who strangely escapes Stones and Parkers ire) broadcast, Penn fertilizes lyrical on Iraqi life before Team America: They had rivers of chocolate, and the children had gumdrop smiles. Sounds more like the set of Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory.
As members of the Film Actors Guild, they are all FAGs.
Mustard-stained Michael Moore is a homicide bomber, blowing himself to bits (after stuffing himself with hot dogs, while protesting the War on Terror)!
I think Ive just found my new fave filmmakers.
TO READ THE REST, GO TO: http://www.debbieschlussel.com/
(Excerpt) Read more at debbieschlussel.com ...
TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: celebrities; debbieschlussel; georgeclooney; hollywood; homicidebomber; johnkerry; liberals; michaelmoore; moviereview; newbiepost; seanpenn; southparkrepublicans; susansarandon; teamamerica; terrorists; timrobbins
To: Cool Chick
As members of the Film Actors Guild, they are all FAGs. At least John Kerry didn't mention that in the last debate.
2
posted on
10/16/2004 11:54:01 PM PDT
by
Jeff Chandler
(Thank you Rush Limbaugh-godfather of the New Media.)
To: Cool Chick
3
posted on
10/16/2004 11:58:47 PM PDT
by
BullDog108
(Know Your Enemy! http://bvml.org/webmaster/enemy.html)
To: Cool Chick
Oh, and welcome to Free Republic!
4
posted on
10/16/2004 11:59:40 PM PDT
by
BullDog108
(Know Your Enemy! http://bvml.org/webmaster/enemy.html)
To: Cool Chick
5
posted on
10/16/2004 11:59:55 PM PDT
by
Jet Jaguar
(Who would the terrorists vote for?)
To: Cool Chick
I saw the movie yesterday and it was great. Especially to see the part where Moore went homicidal and blew himself up. I found it to have a metaphorical element to it, especially since Mount Rushmore was left in ruins because of him. How much division and hate has he created in America against America with his propaganda? I thought the first half of the movie was hilarious, the last part of movie was lacking some.
6
posted on
10/17/2004 12:12:15 AM PDT
by
Ma3lst0rm
To: Cool Chick
I hope this isn't a joke posting. This sounds too good to be true. If this is accurate I don't know how this picture made it through the studio system.
To: Cool Chick
Just be warned that it is a movie for ADULTs or older teens. Prepare to be shocked, and bring your cast iron sensitivities. If Southpark offends you, give it a miss.
As for myself, I enjoyed it greatly and so did the audience I saw it with. It's scoring very high with the critics as well. I also note that it's not in particularly wide circulation in SoCal, which is hurting it's ticket sales. The large theaters which recently brought back Fahrenheit 9-11 seem to be giving it the cold shoulder.
8
posted on
10/17/2004 12:39:11 AM PDT
by
OlBlue
To: Cool Chick
Saw it Friday. I give it 2 out of 5 stars. The miniature sets were pretty neat,I also likethe way the creators poke fun at just about everything. The constant vulgarity and gay humor wore thin within the first 15 minutes of the movie though. Ho Hum.
9
posted on
10/17/2004 12:53:58 AM PDT
by
semaj
("....by their fruit you will know them.")
To: Cool Chick
GREEEEEEEEAT MOVIE! They not only show what stupid, blind, pompous, self-righteous useful idiots all these celebrities are, but then they kill them in the most hilariously grisly and violent ways possible: Garofalo's head exploding, Susan Sarandon being thrown off a building and splattering below, Tim Robbins catching on fire, etc.
My favorite celebrity line is from terrorist tool Alec Baldwin, the leader of the Film Actors Guild (F.A.G.), when he says they will use their celebrity power to remake the world, and someday people will look on the world they created and say, "Thanks a lot, FAG! Way to go, FAG!"
10
posted on
10/17/2004 12:57:52 AM PDT
by
HHFi
To: Cool Chick
11
posted on
10/17/2004 1:02:39 AM PDT
by
Fiddlstix
(This Tagline for sale. (Presented by TagLines R US))
To: Cool Chick
I think we need to institute a mandatory pic policy for Debbie Schlussel articles-YOWZA!
12
posted on
10/17/2004 5:35:49 AM PDT
by
mozarky2
(Ya never stand so tall as when ya stoop to stomp a statist.)
To: Ma3lst0rm
Just saw it last night and I am very hopeful that this movie will combat the F911 propoganda in the minds of our voting age youth and may have a positive effect for Bush.
I thought that the entire movie was a metaphor. Reading the reviews beforehand, they all said it was "equal opportunity" bashing of left right etc... but I definitely didn't see that. The only thing that could be considered "negative" from the Team America standpoint is that they were a little gung ho and not exactly the smartest group in the world.
As for the metaphors, they are cleanly summed up in a speech at the end of the movie:
Kim Jong Il = A****** = Evil in the world - yes there is evil in the world, they are building WMDs, are willing to kill innocent people as nec. and they must be confronted
F.A.G., Moore, Hans Blix, and the rest of the world = P*****s = Exactly who they are portraying - Sheep-like People who aren't willing to do anything to confront the Kim Jong Ils of the world and in fact blame Team America for the world's problems. It gets to the point that the hatred of these types becomes so intense that they become Kim Jong Il types (A*******'s)
Team America = D***s = America - Willing to confront evil in the world to make the world safer. Sure, we may relish in our role a little too much, and may cause some major league destruction of our own trying to get the job done, but we are the only thing standing between the evil and the sheep.
13
posted on
10/17/2004 6:15:01 AM PDT
by
gore_sux
(and so does Xlinton)
To: orangelobster
I hope this isn't a joke posting. This sounds too good to be true. If this is accurate I don't know how this picture made it through the studio system. It's not a joke, it's a hilarious movie, but it isn't for everyone, it's rude and crude and foul but if you can find any of that funny, you'll laugh till your sides hurt. :~D
14
posted on
10/17/2004 6:18:22 AM PDT
by
HairOfTheDog
(<<<loves her hubbit and the horse he rode in on :~D)
To: Cool Chick
Team America, F**K Yeah!
The film is a fairly straightforward presentation of current events.
With graphic sex, geysers of vomit, and extreme violence.
Of cousre, all of that simply serves to make the film more realistic, in my opinion. ;-)
15
posted on
10/17/2004 6:26:29 AM PDT
by
Wormwood
(Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!)
To: Cool Chick
Cool Chick,
GOOD first post! I was hoping to see a ("family-rated") conservative review of this movie! :-)
By the way, Debbie Schlussel's website isn't on the list of Jim Robinson's "excerpt list"....details here:
Jim Robinson's Master List Of Articles To Be Excerpted
FReegards from Toronto....
______________________
"Team America" Rocks - Debbie Schlussel
No wonder Sean Penn is miffed at Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
He and other liberal airhead celebs--like Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, and Alec Baldwin--finally get their comeuppance.
Theyre dismembered, incinerated, and otherwise tortuously eliminated by the South Park creators.
Unfortunately, its just the puppet version. And its only on celluloid. The real-life versions of these self-righteous glitterati pains in the rear are still with us.
But its always nice to fantasize -- as Stone and Parker do in Team America: World Police, a cinematic political satire, which debuts Friday.
Just like in real-life (though they wont admit it), George Clooney, Matt Damon, Samuel L. Jackson, and other assorted idiotic Hollywoodites, are working with the terrorists. In this film, they are literally working with the terroristsled by Baldwin and North Korean Communist leader Kim Jong-Ilto destroy us.
Reminiscent of John Kerry, power-mad marionette versions of Baldwin and his fellow Hollywooders kvetch that the War on Terror has made the world hate us. But the puppet-celebs hate us with equal vigor and work to stop Team America.
Penn constantly spouts off about his trip to Iraq, last year. On a Peter Jennings (who strangely escapes Stones and Parkers ire) broadcast, Penn fertilizes lyrical on Iraqi life before Team America: They had rivers of chocolate, and the children had gumdrop smiles. Sounds more like the set of Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory.
As members of the Film Actors Guild, they are all FAGs.
Mustard-stained Michael Moore is a homicide bomber, blowing himself to bits (after stuffing himself with hot dogs, while protesting the War on Terror)!
I think Ive just found my new fave filmmakers.
In the past, Ive criticized Stone and Parker. They created the absurd Thats My Bush for Comedy Central, planning to portray the Bush daughters as incestuous lesbian lovers. But angry e-mails and phone calls appealed to the networks better judgment, and the lesbian plot line was dropped. Deservedly, the series failed and was cancelled after only a few episodes.
This time, Stone and Parker have chosen their targets with aplomb.
And theyve redeemed themselves in other ways. In a recent Rolling Stone interview, they ripped Sean P. Diddy Colmes Vote or Die campaign. What P. Diddy really means is Dummies Register to Vote Kerry or Die, though those options might not be mutually exclusive.
Stone said he didnt think uninformed people should be encouraged to go to the polls. And I agree. Its only the liberals who want to register every Spicoli (that means you, Sean Penn) who cant even decide the next place to pierce or tattoo, much less choose the next leader of the Free World. Remember Bill Clintons Motor Voter Bill? Its helped P. Diddy on his way to getting a Million Moron March into the booth to pull the lever.
Ads for Team America announce: The movie liberal Hollywood doesnt want you to see. Conservatives fear it.
Wrong! This conservative loved it.
If you are prudish, this movie is not for you. (Among other things, multi-positioned marionette sex scenes narrowly avoided an NC-17 rating and would be X-rated with human actors.)
But for the rest of us, this movie is hilarious. The laughs are at the expense of UN weapons inspectors, liberal Hollywood elites, smarmy Broadway shows with silly social messages, Communist and Islamic terrorists, and yes, our government:
- Hans Blix, denied inspection access to Kim Jong Ils palace, threatens to send a nasty letter from UN leaders. Amused by this impotence, Kim Jong Il feeds Blix to his pet sharks. How about adding Scott Ritter and Mohammed El-Baradei for dessert?
- Janeane Garofalo, in a male voice, tells her fellow actors (FAGs) to read the newspaper and then present the information as their own opinions.
- Team Americas hero, Gary Johnston, is plucked to fight terror from Broadway where he is starring in an absurd musical about AIDS (Lease: The Musical). A noblesse-oblige audience in suits and pearls is moved to tears over a ludicrous song, with lyrics AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, everyones dead. Hes the perfect weapon against terror, since hes an actor who double-majored in theater and world languages at the University of Iowa.
- In spying on terrorists in Egypt, Team America is pretty obtrusive. They wear red, white, blue and silver uniforms. The protagonists Middle Eastern disguise consists of black cotton-balls glued on his face. Thats a dig at our governments incompetent agents, inadequate human intelligence, and the obtrusive Sky Marshalls weve been reading about -- with their stiff cheap suits on flights.
Special-effects bonus: Downtown Paris gets destroyed (ditto for an Egyptian Pyramid). While Team America is fighting Islamic terrorists with WMDs, French men and women on Parisian streets are oblivious and clueless amidst the terror. Art imitates life.
Stone and Parker get it right. While they make fun of the government and how it conducts the War on Terror, their message is clear: Regardless of our faults, the terrorists are real bad guys, not us. Thats something Hollywood and the left dont get. Stone and Parker have a field day with the self-hatred amongst that slice of so-called Americans.
I'm sick of hearing actors talk about s--t they don't know about," Stone says. "And we've been on the 'bash Michael Moore' bandwagon for a long time." Its fine and good for everyone to hate us (Americans) and think were (jerks), but there is a big difference between (jerks) and (psychos) like Osama Bin Laden, Parker said.
Finally somebodys teaching Hollywood the difference.
16
posted on
10/18/2004 6:47:23 AM PDT
by
ConservativeStLouisGuy
(11th FReeper Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Unnecessarily Excerpt)
To: gore_sux
the best monlogue:
""There are three kinds of people in this world," Johnston says. "D***s, a******s and p*****s. We're d***s, and the rest of the world are p*****s. But sometimes an a****** comes along and wants to s*** all over everyone, and the only kind of person who can f*** an a****** is a d***, because p*****s are just an inch away from being a******s themselves." (Diplomatically, Johnston concedes, "Sometimes d***s f*** a******s at inappropriate times, and they need p*****s to guide them in the right direction.")
17
posted on
10/18/2004 7:23:05 AM PDT
by
finnman69
(cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos)
To: Cool Chick
18
posted on
10/18/2004 7:26:28 AM PDT
by
R_Kangel
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