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THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
CookingWithCarlo.com ^
| June 6 2005
| Unknown
Posted on 06/05/2004 10:16:56 PM PDT by carlo3b
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To: TheSpottedOwl
Excerpted from a trial transcript and quoted in "The Point of View," published by the Alameda county District Attorney's office...
ATTORNEY: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
PATHOLOGIST: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you listen to the heart?
PATHOLOGIST: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
PATHOLOGIST: No.
ATTORNEY: So, when you signed the death certificate you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
PATHOLOGIST: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
121
posted on
06/06/2004 10:51:54 AM PDT
by
jellybean
(I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
To: TheSpottedOwl
If you've ever called a Chinese restaurant you should understand this with no problem...
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes means"
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome"
122
posted on
06/06/2004 10:57:25 AM PDT
by
jellybean
(I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
To: carlo3b
OMG, I'm a redneck!
This one didn't make the list so I'll add it for you...
When you know the best time to shop for furniture and clothes is the last evening of a holiday weekend...in back of the Goodwill store.
123
posted on
06/06/2004 11:15:28 AM PDT
by
TheSpottedOwl
(Torrance Ca....land of the flying monkeys)
To: carlo3b
Comic bump for later read (and use).
124
posted on
06/06/2004 11:26:23 AM PDT
by
MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
(Freedom is the freedom to discipline yourself so others don't have to do it for you.)
To: jellybean
A woman went to her doctor, complaining of chest pains. In the exam room, he asked her to remove her bra. She did, and he was astonished to see that her breasts reached the floor.
"My husband likes to play with my breasts during love making," the woman explained.
"Well, I like to play with my wife's breasts during love making too, but they don't look like THAT!" replied the doctor.
"Do you have bunk beds?"
125
posted on
06/06/2004 11:28:23 AM PDT
by
SpyktRose
(WHAT media bias, you homophobic, anti-choice, religious, right-wing nut?)
To: carlo3b
126
posted on
06/06/2004 11:30:34 AM PDT
by
jslade
(People who are easily offended, OFFEND ME!)
To: jellybean
Lol, it's starting to get that way here in the states!
127
posted on
06/06/2004 11:34:40 AM PDT
by
TheSpottedOwl
(Torrance Ca....land of the flying monkeys)
To: SpyktRose
That begs the obvious question...How long.....
.
...have they been sleeping in bunk beds????
128
posted on
06/06/2004 11:45:51 AM PDT
by
jellybean
(I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
To: jellybean
A man walk into a bar and is surprised to see a horse pouring drinks. The horse notices the man's surprise and asks if there is something wrong.
"Oh, no," says the man, "It's just that the giraffe ususally works on Tuesdays."
129
posted on
06/06/2004 12:14:18 PM PDT
by
SpyktRose
(WHAT media bias, you homophobic, anti-choice, religious, right-wing nut?)
To: al baby
Monica Lewinski thought that Bill Clinton when he retired would become a dentist.
He once told her that she had the whitest teeth he's ever come across.
To: carlo3b
Oh gosh, after over 600 rednecks quotes, what do you expect?
OK, this is me when I was little.
131
posted on
06/06/2004 12:26:42 PM PDT
by
Victoria Delsoul
(I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born ~ Ronald Reagan)
To: jellybean
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. A baby seal walks into a club...
To: carlo3b
Copying this and tacking it up in my cubicle right now :)
133
posted on
06/06/2004 2:19:35 PM PDT
by
Sunshine55
(Bush-Cheney 2004...By George, we've got ourselves a President!)
To: carlo3b
I've wanted to ask many times, "Are you naturally gratuitously insulting or did you have to practice a long time?" or "The reason you don't understand what someone's telling you is not because he's a poor communicator but because you don't know enough to understand what he's telling you."
134
posted on
06/06/2004 8:32:58 PM PDT
by
aruanan
To: Dundee
135
posted on
06/06/2004 8:48:28 PM PDT
by
Lokibob
(All typos and spelling errors are mine and copyrighted!!!!)
To: carlo3b
I've probably used about half of those lines in meetings in the past 4 or 5 weeks...
136
posted on
06/07/2004 7:40:48 AM PDT
by
Chad Fairbanks
(You make me feel warm all over. No...wait...I'm soaking in a puddle of my own urine.)
To: carlo3b
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.Oh how I wish I could say this to my boss but I think I'll keep my mouth shut for now.
137
posted on
06/07/2004 8:16:49 AM PDT
by
muggs
To: carlo3b
138
posted on
06/07/2004 9:36:58 AM PDT
by
mommybain
(not Walmart greeter material)
To: mommybain
I know it's been almost a week since this thread started, but I needed cheering up.
Joke told by my seven-year-old niece-
Why couldn't the pirate see the movie?
Because it was rated "Arrr".
(BTW, my niece had no idea why we laughed at this.)
And, I didn't see this in this "subject walks into a bar" section.
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve rope here". So the rope walks out, twists himself up, and rolls on the ground.
He walks back into the bar, and the bartender says "Hey, aren't you the rope I just threw out?"
"Nope," he replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
139
posted on
06/12/2004 5:48:15 AM PDT
by
SpyktRose
(WHAT media bias, you homophobic, anti-choice, religious, right-wing nut?)
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