[Lady Jag]

Your family is in our prayers.

[nmh]

I'm sorry to hear it was not something other than cancer. Mu sister-in-law has renal cancer. Her lovely doctors misdiagnosed her for over a year. Finally one did some blood work and a scan and then it was diagnosed. When diagnosed one kidney was gone and the tumor has attached itself to a blood vessal and it is now in her lungs. They do have some good drugs out there to eliminate pain and make them comfortable. Other than that it's just a matter of time.

[nmh]

Treasure her. Tell her everything you want her to know. Let her have no doubt that you love her. Continue to show that love in ALL your actions, no matter what. Sometimes they will be sad and angry that their life is coming to an end - be there and listen and love them more. Hopefully in heaven, you will all be reunited again.

[Bob Eimiller]

Prayers for both of your families...

[RottiBiz]

Prayers for your mom and for you and your family.

[Recovering_Democrat]

Continued prayers for you all.

[Paul_B]

May the Lord be with your Mom, you, and your family.

Paul

[rep-always]

Hang on to your miracle. Do not stop believing. Continued prayers for your mother. God bless you.

[Spirited]

May the Lord undergird and uphold each of you. May His comfort be your strength and your sustenance.

[nmh]

This website has helped us alot:

http://www.hospicenet.org/

It answers questions you and the person leaving have. Most importantly it allows you to understand what they are going through emotionally.

When a person is approaching the end:

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html

This one is VERY important from the patients perspective:

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/what_you_need.html

Some excerpts:

(from the persepective of someone told they wouldn't live long and beat the odds):

So I could sum up the needs of one person diagnosed as close to death, me, as being:

The need to “settle up” with the people that I felt close to, so as to die in peace, with them and with myself.

The need to have someone to “stand in” for me, to do what I could not do when I became helpless or consigned to the grave.

The need for places and organizations that I could turn to for practical information.

The need for someone to guide me, or go with me, round this new and unfamiliar domain of “the terminal state” - not necessarily the same someone for every sector of it.

Finances

I was lucky in having, already, an expert professional financial adviser who, as it turned out, could talk about death as a human being as well as help me plan for it as a financial consultant. I had also had the benefit, before my diagnosis, of talks with a psychotherapist, who had taught me something about the inner and outer processes of reconciliation.

Settling up emotional accounts

Settling up emotional accounts means going to those people who have been hurt by you, betrayed by you, misled by you, and not just asking forgiveness (because that is to perpetuate the desire to control the outcome by laying down what the outcome is going to be) but asking them to tell you how the hurt may be healed.

Once you have opened that door to them, given them that permission, you cannot control what will then happen. People will react in surprising, sometimes offensive, sometimes heart-stirring ways - but almost always in ways of their own choosing, which is the key to the success of this exercise.

The role of advocate

If you are ill, maybe in pain, perhaps drugged, perhaps even on life-support, someone needs to represent you to the doctors and nurses, the medical profession, to say what you would have said if you had been able, about your treatment, about where you want to live your last days and die, and what treatment you would (if you could) accept or refuse. This is about life-support; about pain; about dying with dignity; about relating your death to those who care about you.

Need to know

You need somewhere to turn to for basic information. Ignorance is the worst enemy. Some prefer ignorance, say it is bliss. It is not. Ignorance is the ultimate fright, the primal fear. Better to know what you are up against, know all there is to know about your illness, its treatments, the odds, the therapies, what others have done and said and suffered. But where is that place? Not everyone knows, or bothers to tell you. Just like a second opinion, knowledge can also be scary.

I spent a terrified afternoon in a bookshop, looking up the medical statistics about survival rates for people with my specific form of cancer. You cannot, must not wish that sort of knowledge on people who cannot cope with it. On the other hand, for those who grasp the power of knowledge, knowing the statistics can liberate you from the tyranny of being just a statistic.

A safe place to talk

Family and friends are often reluctant to face up to illness and death: even if they are not, their experience is not your experience, cannot be. So you may need, as I did, somewhere to go where you can talk, where it is safe to expose your inmost fears and terrors, your hopes and vulnerability. A group of people with similar vulnerabilities can provide that safe place, and be a powerful haven in which to bring out repressed feelings. They can support and share. But where is that group, and is it really safe? There are lists of support groups, but you may need help to get to one, even if there is one near enough.

Finding no cancer support group in my area, I started one. It has become a haven, both for me and for some dozens of others. I am sad that more people do not come to it.

Guides and other special people

In additional to the financial and emotional advisers described earlier, I needed:

Someone or somewhere to talk about death.

Someone to tell me I am still beautiful.

Someone who would help to restore my hope, within the context of realism about my situation.

Someone to forewarn me and teach me about the stress of my illness upon others.

Someone to recognize and encourage the emergence of that new, alternative person that might never have been born without that illness and diagnosis: someone who will teach me to understand the power of the ill person, both over him/herself and over others - a power to be used wisely and humanely, for it can be, if misused, a tyranny, both over oneself and over others.

In a nutshell they are doing an inventory of their life and wondering what's around the cornor for them. They need lots of love and encouragment. It truly puts faith to the test. If you are a strong Christian bolster her faith. Leave her with no doubts.

---

What we have done in our family is we've made a promise to eachother. For example when my Mom or Dad dies that in heaven, when it is my turn they will come to greet me as I reunite with them in heaven. I don't know if this is allowed there but if it is I KNOW they will do it.

My Grandmother who died some time ago, took care of elderly women in terminal situations. I can't tell you how many times she told me about other Christian women who'd suddenly sit up straight, stare off at something, looking joyful, greeting others who had long since passed away and then slumping down and the life was gone. I happen to believe there is something to it. I've heard of it happening too money times to think it was a coincidence or the "drugs" doing it.

I've also been told of others who die screaming at something. They look horrified as they too stare at something we cannot see. My Aunt who worked in the emergency room would tell us of situations like this and some in intensive care. She worked in both areas. She had seen people on the same drugs but very different reactions to death. These were no NDE's but actually passing away.

Just love her and reassure her and make sure she is satisfied with the "inventory" she will make on her life. Then she truly will rest in peace and you will know that you have done all you can do.

[raybbr]

May the light of God's love and mercy shine on you and your family in this time of trouble. God blessed you and your mother with love and we all treasure that.

Ray

[feedback doctor]

Prayer request fro my Mom as well. She's been in ICU for 3 weeks now. She has emphysema and has had a heart attack and stroke. So please keep he in you prayers He name is Marguerite.

[gitmo]

Praying. He is the God of Miracles.

[fatima]

Greg,Give your Mom a kiss from me,fatima

[Simcha7]

Shalom!

Lifting Your Precious Mom, your Dad and entire Family up in Prayer before the Throne of Grace and Tender Mercies.

May The Holy One of Israel Touch and Heal with His Nail Sacrred Hands, and give to your Mom - HIS Immeasurable Strength, Love, Grace and Comfort, as only HE can give.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for The LORD your GOD will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9).

For we Pray In The NAME That Is Above ALL Names.

Amen ~ and ~ Amen.

[oceanperch]

God Bless

[texasflower]

I missed the prayer request before, but I will pray that your mom will be able to live well and painfree and for months of love and support from her family.

But I will also pray God's will for healing.

[The Scourge of Yazid]

Thank God that you're able to spend a few more hours on Earth with your one of your loved ones. I know it doesn't seem like much to be grateful for, especially when the woman who gave you life is on the verge of passing from your world, but things could have been much worse.

I was heartened by your gratitude and the thanks you extended to all of the great people at FR. Tell your mom that there are people in New York praying for her.

I know, it's not too far South, but you get the idea.

It takes real guts to share your grief with others, but I'm glad you chose to share this experience with us. Hopefully, the last days spent with her will be something to cherish and remember as you forge on into the unknown.

-God bless, Gerard

[line drive to right]

God bless you, Greg. I pray your mother knows Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. Then, you all could rest assured that she will spend eternity in Heaven with God the Father, with Jesus Christ the Son, and with God's Holy Spirit; and, with all the brothers and sisters in Jesus.

[Freesofar]

LOrd Give Gregs mom more time,
In Jesus name

Amen