Posted on 05/30/2004 10:08:32 AM PDT by snowballinhell
Hello everyone,
I thought I would post to give you all an update on my mother, and to thank everyone again for your kind thoughts and prayers. My Mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the cancer has already spread and tumors have replaced most of the normal tissue in the liver,it has also spread to the lymph nodes, and the doctors are concerned it has also spread to the wall of her stomach and possibly her kidneys. But there is some good news, she has a very rare form of pancreatic cancer called endocrine cancer which means she has several months left, and not just a few weeks. This type of cancer is only about 1-3% of all diagnosed cases. She was very swollen due to kidney problems, but the doctors seem to have a grip on that, as she was starting to get back to her normal size. Her doctor has said at this late stage there is very little that can be done, other than pallitive surgery to bypass ducts as they become blocked. If she had exocrine cancer (97-99% of all diagnosed) her days would be very numbered, as that is a very fast moving type of cancer. She is in very little pain right now (Thank you Lord) and her spirits are good. I told her about all you great folks down south praying for her and that brought a smile to her face (thank you all). It is really tough as my Mom and Dad live about 700 miles away, and I run a small business. We were able to spend several days with her last week, and we are returning again in two weeks. I am so thankful we have time left to say all the things that need to be said.
Thank you again to everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers.
God Bless.
Greg Rouleau
Your family is in our prayers.
I'm sorry to hear it was not something other than cancer. Mu sister-in-law has renal cancer. Her lovely doctors misdiagnosed her for over a year. Finally one did some blood work and a scan and then it was diagnosed. When diagnosed one kidney was gone and the tumor has attached itself to a blood vessal and it is now in her lungs. They do have some good drugs out there to eliminate pain and make them comfortable. Other than that it's just a matter of time.
Treasure her. Tell her everything you want her to know. Let her have no doubt that you love her. Continue to show that love in ALL your actions, no matter what. Sometimes they will be sad and angry that their life is coming to an end - be there and listen and love them more. Hopefully in heaven, you will all be reunited again.
Prayers for both of your families...
Prayers for your mom and for you and your family.
Continued prayers for you all.
May the Lord be with your Mom, you, and your family.
Paul
Hang on to your miracle. Do not stop believing. Continued prayers for your mother. God bless you.
Sometimes it is difficult to find the right words...but you stated it beautifully.
My prayers to you
May the Lord undergird and uphold each of you. May His comfort be your strength and your sustenance.
This website has helped us alot:
http://www.hospicenet.org/
It answers questions you and the person leaving have. Most importantly it allows you to understand what they are going through emotionally.
When a person is approaching the end:
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html
This one is VERY important from the patients perspective:
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/what_you_need.html
Some excerpts:
(from the persepective of someone told they wouldn't live long and beat the odds):
So I could sum up the needs of one person diagnosed as close to death, me, as being:
The need to “settle up” with the people that I felt close to, so as to die in peace, with them and with myself.
The need to have someone to “stand in” for me, to do what I could not do when I became helpless or consigned to the grave.
The need for places and organizations that I could turn to for practical information.
The need for someone to guide me, or go with me, round this new and unfamiliar domain of “the terminal state” - not necessarily the same someone for every sector of it.
Finances
I was lucky in having, already, an expert professional financial adviser who, as it turned out, could talk about death as a human being as well as help me plan for it as a financial consultant. I had also had the benefit, before my diagnosis, of talks with a psychotherapist, who had taught me something about the inner and outer processes of reconciliation.
Settling up emotional accounts
Settling up emotional accounts means going to those people who have been hurt by you, betrayed by you, misled by you, and not just asking forgiveness (because that is to perpetuate the desire to control the outcome by laying down what the outcome is going to be) but asking them to tell you how the hurt may be healed.
Once you have opened that door to them, given them that permission, you cannot control what will then happen. People will react in surprising, sometimes offensive, sometimes heart-stirring ways - but almost always in ways of their own choosing, which is the key to the success of this exercise.
The role of advocate
If you are ill, maybe in pain, perhaps drugged, perhaps even on life-support, someone needs to represent you to the doctors and nurses, the medical profession, to say what you would have said if you had been able, about your treatment, about where you want to live your last days and die, and what treatment you would (if you could) accept or refuse. This is about life-support; about pain; about dying with dignity; about relating your death to those who care about you.
Need to know
You need somewhere to turn to for basic information. Ignorance is the worst enemy. Some prefer ignorance, say it is bliss. It is not. Ignorance is the ultimate fright, the primal fear. Better to know what you are up against, know all there is to know about your illness, its treatments, the odds, the therapies, what others have done and said and suffered. But where is that place? Not everyone knows, or bothers to tell you. Just like a second opinion, knowledge can also be scary.
I spent a terrified afternoon in a bookshop, looking up the medical statistics about survival rates for people with my specific form of cancer. You cannot, must not wish that sort of knowledge on people who cannot cope with it. On the other hand, for those who grasp the power of knowledge, knowing the statistics can liberate you from the tyranny of being just a statistic.
A safe place to talk
Family and friends are often reluctant to face up to illness and death: even if they are not, their experience is not your experience, cannot be. So you may need, as I did, somewhere to go where you can talk, where it is safe to expose your inmost fears and terrors, your hopes and vulnerability. A group of people with similar vulnerabilities can provide that safe place, and be a powerful haven in which to bring out repressed feelings. They can support and share. But where is that group, and is it really safe? There are lists of support groups, but you may need help to get to one, even if there is one near enough.
Finding no cancer support group in my area, I started one. It has become a haven, both for me and for some dozens of others. I am sad that more people do not come to it.
Guides and other special people
In additional to the financial and emotional advisers described earlier, I needed:
Someone or somewhere to talk about death.
Someone to tell me I am still beautiful.
Someone who would help to restore my hope, within the context of realism about my situation.
Someone to forewarn me and teach me about the stress of my illness upon others.
Someone to recognize and encourage the emergence of that new, alternative person that might never have been born without that illness and diagnosis: someone who will teach me to understand the power of the ill person, both over him/herself and over others - a power to be used wisely and humanely, for it can be, if misused, a tyranny, both over oneself and over others.
In a nutshell they are doing an inventory of their life and wondering what's around the cornor for them. They need lots of love and encouragment. It truly puts faith to the test. If you are a strong Christian bolster her faith. Leave her with no doubts.
May the light of God's love and mercy shine on you and your family in this time of trouble. God blessed you and your mother with love and we all treasure that.
Ray
I'm so sorry to hear this bad news for both of you. My prayers are with you and your mothers, may God bless you and help your mothers. He knows more about them and their condition than any doctors know and through faith in Him, all things are possible.
My prayers to both your Moms and your families. Miracles through faith do happen.
Father, In Jesus name and for His sake, we ask and agree together that your healing and comforting hand be with snowball and her family.
Praying. He is the God of Miracles.
God be with you, with your Moms, and families.
I know how much this hurts, and how scary it feels.
Cyber hugs for both of you:
(((snowball)))
(((feedback doctor)))
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