James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[Tribune7]

Styx, Foreigner, Journey, and 38 Special.

What the children of today are missing.

[King Prout]

oh. pulling out the BIG guns, eh?
*trying to recall the non-obscene non-parody version*
*failing*
*failing*
*got it*
"You Fill Up My Senses" Bob Denver

[Clemenza]

mercy beat

"Now you know why they call it the 'mercy' (mersey) beat. After listening for twenty seconds you'll be screaming for MERCY!" --- Tom Servo, MST3K.

[TheBigB]

Instead they're listening to...to, um...to...

I have no idea what they're listening to.

[Optimist]

I have no idea what they're listening to.

For the most part .... it ain't music

[Mike Darancette]

Legalizing abortion

Actually we sang it to the Brothers who managed to have steady girlfriends. Our hormone and beer soaked brains were not up to the big issues like abortion.

[Tribune7]

One 70s group I liked was The Sweet. I kept hummin' Little Willy during the Clinton impeachment trial.

[scan58]

Eric Burdon a band he called The Animals (actually totally different musicians than the original Animals) recorded Sky Pilot.

Ok, then who were the original Animals? I thought Eric Burdon was with them from the beginning. Wasn't that his voice on "House of the Rising Sun"?

[scan58]

Never mind...I think I read that wrong at first.

[scan58]

Anything by Led Zepplin

blasphemy!

[scan58]

Anything by Led Zepplin

blasphemy!

[Zack Nguyen]

Oh, I forgot about William Shatner's music! I think we have a winner!

[right way right]

Heh! You bastard!

[King Prout]

"Been a long time since I rock and roll"

cannot bear to hear it.

A station in New Orleans changed hands, its new owners decided to pull a stunt as a "hello", and played that song NON STOP for I cannot remember how many days.

not a bad song, in itself, but after THAT kind of repetitive abuse I declare it anathema, verboten, the sin of witchcraft

[weegee]

By the time he recorded "San Francisco Nights" and went loopy, he had a whole new backing band.

[nuconvert]

<:-o

[mindspy]

I third both of those and add Swear to God and You're Just Too Good to be True. I was so glad to see someone else post "Midnight at the Oasis." Oh I hated that song, still do.

[scan58]

I will agree with that. When I first got married in the late 70's , my husband and I had a very neurotic friend living with us who played Fleetwood Mac Rumours over and over and over.

[CobaltBlue]

Bob Denver's voice annoyed me sooooo much.

I thought he was actually a fairly decent actor in "Oh, God," but playing straight man to George Burns had to be a cream puff of a gig.

[CobaltBlue]

John Denver, not Bob Denver. What are we thinking of.

Bob (Gilligan) Denver was cool. Do you remember him as a beatnik (Maynard G. Krebs) in Dobie Gillis? My husband just informed me that he never even heard of Dobie Gillis. No, he just looked over my shoulder and said he heard of Dobie Gillis, it was a TV show, right?