James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[nuconvert]

"How on earth did this thread get this many posts without this song?"

GooD Question!

[Euro-American Scum]

"Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town" by I don't know who

Kris Kristofferson, I think.

Seems to me it was Kenny Rogers.

[RightWingAtheist]

Do you think that "Onetwotrhreefourfive, Sixseveneightnineten, Eeeeleventwelve!" song from Sesame Street belongs on this list? I know it drove my Mom crazy-mainly because we'd keep singing it over and over.

[RightWingAtheist]

"The Streak" is by Ray Stevens. Every time I flipped by The Nashville Network (back when it was called the Nashville Network), it seemed that they'd be playing a commercial for a "Best of Ray Stevens" collection.

Oh, and I like "Don't Bring Me Down" :-)

[Euro-American Scum]

I also hated "Sky Pilot" by some wiener.

Eric Burdon and the Animals. Not one of their better efforts, I must admit.

[nuconvert]

go to the link given in #11

[Willie Green]

Well if you're gonna do Debbie Boone,
then I have no recourse but to counterattack with Minnie Riperton.

Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is all I wanna do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
And everything that I do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime
Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day my life is filled with lovin' you

Lovin' you I see your soul come shinin' through
And every time that we oooooh
I'm more in love with you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

[bwteim]

MacArthur Park

I'll never find that recipe again.

[Libloather]

Way too many? How about all of them?

You maybe the founder of the Yoko Ono song Eradication Weblink. (YOEW!)

If you can find a way to eliminate the nasty songs on my Lennon LPs, PLEASE, let me know...

[skinkinthegrass]

I'll see your Shatner and raise you "Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" by Leonard Nimoy.

I've heard Shatner, I can't image what Nimoy sounds like...double retch. :((

[Howlin]

Remember, your dirty playing gave ME no recourse except to post this:

MANDY

I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
Shadows of a man
A face through window
Crying in the night
The night goes into
Morning just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
But I sent you away oh Mandy
When you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today oh Mandy

I'm standing on the edge of time
Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in the world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my eyes
And nothing is rhyming oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
But I sent you away oh Mandy
When you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today oh Mandy

Yesterday's a dream
I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
The pain is calling oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
But I sent you away oh Mandy
When you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today oh Mandy
You came and you gave without taking
But I sent you away oh Mandy
You kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you

[ohiobushman]

IMHO the worst song is John Lennon's "Imagine"! When I hear that crap I get an enormous headache!!

[weegee]

I don't know Phantom Planet but ? and the Mysterians still play live. Their original albums are all out of print but they've released some live recordings of those songs.

In October 98, QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS topped the bill at New York City's Cave Stomp, a garage music blow-out that included such luminaries as the Lyres, the Hentchmen, the Fleshtones, the Nomads and loads more garage bands. The two night affair was a total gas, but the whole deal went into rapid overload with the appearance of the MYSTERIANS on stage at 3:15 in the morning. They started out with the instrumental intsro workout to "Do You Feel It", in the midst of which the insanely gorgeous QUESTION MARK came bolting out like the perfect brat spawn of James Brown and Ronnie Spector! Oh, my lord!

They totally rampaged through a set that had people's gourds being blown straight off — they were simply the perfect band, in perfect form, as though they recorded their anthem "96 Tears" last weekend instead of 30+ years ago! They look great, sound insane and simply ARE the wildest and most fabulous human beings ever to walk this planet's surface! Anyway, upon leaving New York, the guys left to crisscross the country, playing everywhere from San Francisco to Los Angeles to Austin, Texas to Chicago and all spots between! Everywhere they went, they slayed the locals!

Norton is thrilled to release the Cave Stomp live recordings on CD and also as a lavish suitable for framing double gatefold LP, featuring a collage of vintage never before seen photos of the Fab Five!!! If you haven't witnessed the majesty of QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS yet, grab up the live album (or CD) DO YOU FEEL IT? and then get ready to go where you've gotta in order to grab an earload and an eyeful of the unbelievably sensational QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS!

[dancusa]

I can't believe nobody has mentioned 'Popsicle Toes',yet.I remember it came out in 1976.The song was horrible.

[weegee]

There's an actual music video for the Leonard Nimoy song. The link is in this thread.

[CobaltBlue]

Oh, no, 96 Tears can't be the worst song of all time, 'cause I like it. Surely the worse song of all time is one that nobody likes but we can't ever get rid of, like the eponymous Alien in Alien?

[nuconvert]

I have to agree. Nimoy isn't nearly as bad as Shatner reciting "Lucy in the Sky...." as Hamlet.

[Howlin]

Consider this a preemtpive strike:

Hanson - Mmm Bop Lyrics

You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.

Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.

Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.

Chorus:

MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do

Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.

Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.

(Chorus...)

[Senator Pardek]

I love that song.

[THUNDER ROAD]

Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town"
by I don't know who
Kris Kristofferson, I think.
Seems to me it was Kenny Rogers.

Well it was written , and first recorded
by Mel Tillis, then Kenny Rogers
did a re-make of it somewhere in the late '70s

......THUNDER.....