Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

[JohnHuang2]

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

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Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

• Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs

• Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them

• Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them

• Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so

• Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men

What are husbands' most important needs?

• He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting

• He wants to feel she needs and admires him

• He wants to know she desires him

• Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.

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[Marie]

I couldn't scan it all in because I'd marked up the pages so liberally! LOL.

Careful with your use of the "L" word 'round here, Quix! ;-)

My best books I lend out frequently and I always encourage my friends to read them with highlighters and pens in hand. I have a few that have been thoughtfully marked up by no less than 5 people. I treasure those books!

[Quix]

I feel the same about the books.

Thanks.

[Marie]

Do what my husband does. NEVER buy her flowers. After a few years she'll start to get irritated about it. When you do surprise her with flowers, walk in, shove them into her chest (all the while blushing furiously) and peck her roughly on the cheek. Slap her on the butt and say (with a grin and a wink) that'll shut cha up for a few months!" Then strut away with a very pleased-with-yourself grin. She'll be so shocked to get the flowers and amused by your presentation that all she'll be able to think is, "That man is so adorable!!" (It worked! I didn't start complaining again for about four years.)

[Marie]

I wouldn't mind. A few months ago my husband had forbid my son from getting into his tools and put a lock on the shed. My son went out with a screwdriver and took the shed door off the hinges. Drill in the dirt Hammer in the pool. My husband was in a trembling, red-faced, bellowing rage and I knew that he had lost it. I grabbed a hunk of ham and held it out to him. I calmly said, "You need to cool down. Go sit down." He took the meat and my son lived to terrorize his father on another day. Since then, I've tried it a few more times with the same results.

Yes, Laz needs some meat. And so does the poor bloke who's tag he stole. :-)

[Jane G]

As I read these posts and people's frustration, the first thing to consider and rule out is hormone production. Is is adequate? If not, what is impairing it? Age of the patient? Food intake? Health? Genetics?, Stress?, Meds?, etc. Why am I picking on hormones? Because they are tiny messengers and you could consider, in the hierarchy of the body, the top in importance. Lets continue. When a couple start to complain, for example, about their sex life, it is so easy to test their libido. To be aroused, or ready to be aroused, hormonally speaking, certain things need to be on board or not be on board in their body. Correct testing will determine this, correct method of delivery, correct amount, and correct type of hormone supplementation will easily correct this horrendous frustration that couples feel.
Testosterone supplementation for the aging couple, in men and women, will start to work within an hour or two - to several days depending on how depleted the cells in the body were. Testosterone is what gives us our raging sex drive. It is imperative to have a healthy, screaming sex drive at any age BUT especially as we get older! Like building a house you start with the foundation - the body first and have it checked out thoroughly, then of course go from there.

[SaveTheChief]

Once again, I appreciate your well-worded and thoughful reply to my question. Once again, it gives insight into how women think.

Now if I could trouble you with one more query...

What IF a man were to buy flowers from a nice flower shop each and every time, spending a ridiculous amount of money on something that is going to die in a few days anyway, just to show his affection and make this effort to show his woman that she is very special to him? Will a woman get tired of the same old one hundred dollar flowers and eventually start analyzing and questioning in the same manner you described anyway?

If so, then isn't it a case of being damned if you do or don't?

[JusPasenThru]

Your post number reflects the sign of the Beast.

Just thought I'd toss that in there.

Now, back to the discussion....

[SaveTheChief]

You must be a very bored individual.

Just thought I would toss that in there.

[CajunConservative]

I am very familiar with the role of hormones in one's day to day life. Since mine were whacked out pretty good it wasn't a pretty picture. However, I was able to correct the imbalance through diet and supplementats alone. I am on no medications or artificial hormones at all. I know all about the testosterone being whacked out, I had a little bit too much and well I understand the effects it can have.

I see people behaving badly and eating horrible junk and want to tell them life can be better. You can feel good and when you feel good you tend to treat others with respect and the ones you love the most you give them your best. When you physically feel like crap then you tend to take it out on others and that is usually the ones you love most because they are around you all day.

Why do you think vegetarians are always in a crappy funk?

[Jane G]

Glad to hear you are doing better!!!Yeah, vegetarians are starving to death. Define too much in regards to your testosterone.

[CajunConservative]

you have freepmail

[JusPasenThru]

Seriously bored. Too much time on my hands. Like many (most?) FReepers.

[SarahW]

Damned if you do or damned if you don't?

Almost! (see also: #574 :)

Too much expensive gifting is a warning sign to the sadder-but-wiser girl. (Some perfectly-happy-but-also-wise girls get warned by their mothers, or are simply bright enough to be careful.)

Will a woman get tired of the same old one hundred dollar flowers and eventually start analyzing and questioning in the same manner I described? Well, she might like the flowers well enough, but she might start wondering about WHAT THEY MEAN.

If all you ever do for her is give her flowers, its going to MEAN something... :)

If they become a pattern... she will do what women do, and overlay the pattern on the context... and she will put her mind to the task.

You will come out ahead if the context is of a smooth-sailing relationship, where gift giving hasn't gotten stale, and where the flowers haven't come to form a strong association with something negative, e.g., become a form of apology for some misdeed, or reflective of guilt feelings for something one should feel guilty about.

She will think such flowers are a poor substitute for
being a good boyfriend/husband, and that perhaps you are trying to get one over on her...


Ask my advice? Vary the pace; buy her a little something and it will generally be received with glee. If you buy her a "little something" of the same thing (and never the best) all the time, and she won't like it as much.

Buy her the best too soon and too often, and she will get suspicious.

Buy her the best only when you do wrong, and she will come to hate it.

Don't give at a pace that can't realistically be kept up (e.g., a rose every time you meet) - it will be crushing the first time you come empty-handed ('cause that will MEAN something.)


A little posey now and then, peppered with a luxurious SOMETHING now and then... now that would suit most women well.

That would MEAN you are always thinking of her, and that you think she's worth some work once in a while. :)

[SaveTheChief]

OK, well now I'm dizzy. Thanks! LOL

[SarahW]

Funny you should say that, I made myself dizzy trying to answer you.

I'm converting to cavegirl. Mmmmm. Flower pretty. Man bring flower, man good. :)

[Axenolith]

10 Stupid things... For men. You could solve your own question with a trip to Amazon.com...

[Axenolith]

29A

[dubyagee]

Women want the relationship to have meaning, men just want the sex.

That is one of the hardest things about this whole situation. Let's say I 'give all' again...which is a very difficult thing for anyone to do. What's to keep him from taking the sex that is offered next time.

I cannot fathom that about men. If it's just sex, why marry at all? Why commit yourself to someone and promise to be faithful when all you really want is to get laid? Argh! (Not you, btw, just in general. ; *))

[dubyagee]

You're conversation is hysterical...and hits home quite a bit.

When my husband and I first got married, he would bring me home 'convenience store' roses all the time. Eventually, of course, I tired of them and would just murmur 'thanks' and stick them wherever. Then I stopped getting any flowers at all.

Years later, I received some more expensive flowers at work after mentioning that all the other girls got flowers. Well, of course they didn't mean as much because I had to put the idea in his head...

Maybe the key is to act from the heart...but definitely ACT! 8 * )

[hosepipe]

What a girl.. Laura.... a blessing to both women and men...