Now watch Bush dine out on a plastic bird perhaps (barf alert)

The Australian ^ | December 16, 2003 | PHILLIP ADAMS

[TomB]

Ok, he looks like Saddam Hussein. He sounds like Saddam Hussein. And, yes, he has the same DNA. But can we be sure that it is, in fact, the former Iraqi leader? And not just some poor turkey? Another of his hapless body doubles? Or even a clone?

Turkey. Consider the word and its significance in the region, not simply because Turkey is a nation in the neighbourhood. In all its other forms, the word turkey refers to the giant North American chook and is a case of mistaken identity if not deceptive packaging. You see, the Pilgrim Fathers exporting the bird to England called it a turkey because, at that time, Turkey was the most fashionable place for food, particularly Turkish delightful desserts. Thus it was more fashionable for an English aristocrat to have a Turkish chef than a Parisian.

So, right from the beginning, the turkey flew under false colours. A fact of urgent political relevance, as this column will now reveal. However, it is important to remember that the turkey - the chook, not the nation - has lent its name to other things. Consider the term turkey shoot, describing a decidedly one-sided battle. As in Gulf Wars I and II where the mighty US had no difficulty in dispatching Hussein's grossly overrated army. Turkey can be applied to a hapless individual, as in, "He's a real turkey" or to a spectacular flop, specifically of an expensive Broadway production. In a sense, the post-war occupation of Iraq could be thus described. The war was a success but the peace has been a turkey.

All these meanings coalesced when George W. Bush - whose presidency promises to be a turkey - arrived in Baghdad carrying one. A turkey. Bush's descent from the heavens would have cost more than the total budgets of The Producers, The Boy from Oz and two Rogers and Hammerstein revivals. Brought to Iraq in the strictest of secrecy, the President presented his nonplussed troops with the aforementioned chook - for the purpose of a spectacular photo opportunity.

Bush's Thanksgiving turkey, around which the beaming Bush and his happy warriors were grouped, was photographed and filmed from every angle. Back in Washington, it was regarded as one of the greatest public relations triumphs of the whole saga. Right up there with the carefully stage-managed landing of the Commander in Chief on the deck of that US carrier, wearing his really sexy, Right Stuff jet pilot's uniform.

But it turns out that this turkey shoot - and here I use the term in its photographic sense - was a right stuff-up, because it has been revealed that the turkey wasn't a turkey. Well, not a real turkey. It was a prop turkey, a pretend turkey. Just as ketchup replaced blood for violent scenes in movies, and mashed potato substituted for ice cream in Happy Days (to prevent its melting under the studio lights), the President had taken a plastic turkey - one used for gourmet magazine shoots - to the mess hall.

Which added another level of the fake, the tawdry and the sham to the whole lamentable exercise of Operation Perfect Freedom or Operation Democratic Orgasm or whatever it is they've called it.

Michael Moore, one of the regime's trenchant critics, put it well in an open letter to his President: "The fake honey glaze on that fake bird wasn't much different from the fake honey glaze that covers this war. And the fake stuffing in the fake bird was just the right symbol for our country during these times. America loves fake honey glaze. It loves to be stuffed, and damn it, you knew that."

He went on to remind his fellow Americans that under the Bush regime nearly 3 million US jobs have disappeared, along with a $US281 billion ($380 billion) surplus, and that the US is "stuck in a war that will never end", linking this spectacular achievement to Bush's latest manoeuvre.

Years ago, hand on heart while gazing at a portrait of my patron saint, Bertrand Russell, I swore to always "talk turkey". That is, to get to the heart of the matter and tell the truth at all times. Which is why I talked turkey here today. In contrast to the unreal turkey that Bush showed the world in Baghdad. But a fake turkey is the perfect symbol for a fake President because, as everyone knows, Al Gore really won the election.

Which brings us back to Hussein. I'm not convinced. The bloke they pulled out of that hole looked more like Willie Nelson.

Phillip Adams's column will return in the new year

[TomB]

Phillip Adams's column will return in the new year

Too bad.

[Twenty Muleteam Borax]

Saddam the bloke.

[Falcon4.0]

"Or even a clone?"

I think this also qualifies for a "Tin Foil Hat Alert".

[4CJ]

Years ago, hand on heart while gazing at a portrait of my patron saint, Bertrand Russell,

BWAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!

[TheBigB]

because, as everyone knows, Al Gore really won the election

Can't we just all move on? :)

[Kay Soze]

[Kirkwood]

Crikey!

[StatesEnemy]

Ya.. given that cloning technology is barely two decades old, it'd be tough to create a grisled doppelganger. it be a peach fuzzed teenager we'd of drug outta that hole.

[KellyAdmirer]

Why should anyone care who an Australian thinks "really" won a United States election? He should go mind his own business.

[niteowl77]

Michael Moore, one of the regime's trenchant critics

So much crap, so little time...

[M1Tanker]

I'd write something, arguing every point with the author of this article and how all he writes about Bush and conservatism is a lie. I'd write how his politiclal leanings only support the rise of national socialism in the world (read my tagline). I'd write that he's just another evil, wicked little minion of the evil Leftists, like those on the DU forums. I'd write that he was probably all for Operation Desert Fox when Clinton was in charge, but can't seem to remember 12 years of diplomacy and several inspections that found enough NBC weapons to vaporize/infect/and perhaps even decimate 100s of millions of people (weapons which are now missing).

I'd tell him this, but he wouldn't listen. He loves our enemies not for who they are, but because they ARE our enemies. In his twisted little dark world, the USA is the source of all evil, not the only hope for peace and freedom left in an increasingly insane world. he won't listen, and I am getting tired of having to reapeat what should be obvious truths to rational people.

[bayourod]

The turkey was not brought by Bush. The turkey was real. It simply hadn't been presliced and put into serving trays as had the other turkeys. Yes it was beautifully arraigned as a center piece and would have probably found its way to the officers' mess afterwords, but it was not plastic.

[El Conservador]

Caption says:

"Let's hope this time the turkey won't be only for the photo".

[larryav8r]

And this is why seeing will never be believing with this crowd. Do not confuse them with the facts folks, they've made up their minds.

[sarasota]

Note to Adams: your attempt at humor misses the mark. You've been drinking too many Fosters.

[CSM]

Adams, Australian for Stupid!

[Free_at_last_-2001]

Phillip Adams's column will return in the new year - Alas his brain will not!

[nhbob1]

Michael Moore, one of the regime's trenchant critics, put it well in an open letter to his President: "The fake honey glaze on that fake bird wasn't much different from the fake honey glaze that covers this war. And the fake stuffing in the fake bird was just the right symbol for our country during these times. America loves fake honey glaze. It loves to be stuffed, and damn it, you knew that."

Judging from the looks of him, Michael Moore knows all about honey glaze and stuffing!

[mountaineer]

This moron (the writer) doesn't know the difference between a real and plastic turkey, and he presumes to criticize President Bush for the great accomplishment of having captured Saddam Hussein? Good grief.

[Kiss Me Hardy]

The cream of Australian blogdom, Tim Blair and Professor Bunyip are already up this guy and his column like rats up a drain:

http://timblair.spleenville.com/archives/005402.php

http://bunyip.blogspot.com/2003_12_14_bunyip_archive.html#107151325628701930