Holly, Jolly, Maddening Music

Fox News ^ | 12/09/2003 | Amy C. Sims

[HarleyD]

We know, we know ... it's a lot of fun to deck the halls with boughs of holly. 'Tis the season to be jolly. Got it.

Holiday music has become society's soundtrack earlier than ever. It's only the second week of December, and it's being pumped nonstop into malls, blasted from speakers in restaurants and played on the radio. In fact, many radio stations switched from their normal programming to 24-hour Christmas jingles as early as Thanksgiving week.

[Hatteras]

I was in no fewer than 4 or 5 stores at one mall this past weekend that were playing Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby". It wasn't being piped in by the mall, each store had their own music system. Maybe it was just timing or maybe it's the whole Abercrombie & Fitch, teen shoppers, sex sells mentality gaining momentum, but I couldn't get away from that song.

[Maceman]

"What if you're Jewish? I don't hear any Hanukkah music!" a signer named Mary wrote.

Maybe that's because Hanukkah music SUCKS big time. (Although Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song is pretty funny.

Then there's this little gem from South Park:

It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My Friends won't let me join in any games..
And I can't sing Christmas songs
Or decorate a Christmas tree..
Or leave water out for Rudolph
cos there's something wrong with me..
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity..
I'm a Jew, a Lonely Jew.. on Christmas.

Hanukkah is nice, but why is it,
That Santa passes over my house every year?
And instead of eating Ham
I have to eat Kosher Lekeesh..
Instead of Silent Night
I'm singing hou-hazch-tou-gavish..
And what the f*ck is up
With lighting all these f*cking Candles, tell me please?
I'm a Jew, a Lonely Jew..
I'd be merry, but i'm Hebrew.. on Christmas.

Hey Little Boy, I can't help but hear,

You're feeling left out of Christmas Cheer..
But i've come to see that you shouldn't be sad
'Cos this is the one month that you shoud be glad..

Because it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all..
You don't have to be on your best behaviour, or give to charity
You don't have to go to grandma's house with your alcoholic family..
And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap
And have him breathe his stinky breath on me!
That's right! You're a Jew, a Stylin' Jew..
It'd a good time, to be Hebrew.. on Christmas.

[martin_fierro]

Some of the worst Christmas albums EVER (IMHO, of course):

• Those by Gladys Knight & the Pips
• ANYTHING by Kenny G.
• Others?

[boxerblues]

White Trash Christmas

[camle]

you gotta be kidding. GGROBAR with an irish accent? I'm scared. very scared.

[doodad]

Some of the worst Christmas albums EVER (IMHO, of course): Those by Gladys Knight & the Pips ANYTHING by Kenny G. Others?

Any of that Manheim Steamroller *%$#*&!

[MEGoody]

"Honestly, if you don't want to hear the Christmas music, just listen to a different station. It's not exactly brain surgery."

Amen.

[inquest]

Paul McCartney's only Christmas song that I know of is "Wonderful Christmastime" ("sim-ply hav-ing / a wonderful Christmas time"). As far as I can recall, it has no synth track. But as for ex-Beatle yuletide tunes, you just can't beat Lennon's "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" with Yoko in the background going "aaaAaaaAAAaah-uhhhh-AAAAAAAAaaAAAA-uh". Now there's a tear-jerker.

[Tamzee]

No such thing as too much Christmas music ;-)

[general_re]

Hey, that song's good for getting rid of guests who've overstayed their welcome. I find that people start looking for their hats and coats right about the point where Yoko starts screeching "A VEWWWY MEWWWY CWISTMAAAAAAAAASSSSS!! AND A HOPPYYYYY NEW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA!!"

:^)

[Adder]

"Well, there's always the soundtrack to Fiddler on the Roof"

Not to mention Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song and South Park's Kyle singing "Just a Jew at Christmas" and "Dreidel".
What more could anyone want?

[Jim Cane]

That's it "Simply having...a cheesysynth Christmas time" Simply the worst song ever written, and pooftery as the winter night is long.

Every good tune he ever composed is completely negated by that one song. D*mn his eyes...

...and a Happy New Year! :^)

[Lou L]

There have been ample threads on FR describing how the ACLU and their ilk aim to remove Christmas from our culture through legal means, but what if pop culture is also in on the conspiracy?

By introducing Christmas songs, decorations, lights, etc. in many stores and locations since mid-November, it's not difficult to see how many would be so put off come Christmas day.

There used to be a build-up for Christmas, in anticipation of celebrating the birth of Christ. Christmas wasn't a single day on the calendar, it was a festive time beginning in mid-December, lasting through and into the New Year.

Now, it's so much about appearances--who can get their shopping down the fastest, whose house can be decorated with the most gaudy decorations, and which radio or TV station can flood the airwaves with the most "holiday" music. Is it any wonder that come December 26th, people can't wait to take the tree down and toss or store it away?

[inquest]

I often play "Helter Skelter" at the same time. That usually helps.

[Protagoras]

If anything is pleasant, be sure that it will be overdone. It's a sad but true observation on the human condition.

[4mycountry]

I don't think I'm mentally prepared for the holidays. Mom and I went out yesterday and all the shops had Christmas music. I was thinking, "What, already? Wow."

I'm not ready for this. Help me.

[ShadowDancer]

I hate that song with the cheesy "whon whon" synth track.

Ha. My oldest daughter's favorite Christmas song is Wham's 'Last Christmas'. However, she thought it was a girl singing it. That was a fun conversation.

[netmilsmom]

The first day after Christmas, My True Love and I had a fight.
and so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite,
and with a single cartridge,
I shot that blasted partridge.
My True Love, My True Love, My True Love gave to me.

There is more to this.....Would it make you feel better to be singing a sassy after Christmas song? ;-).

[uglybiker]

I'm rather fond of "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear."

Heeeeere ya go!

Just don't do none o' that walkin' anywheres near me!

[Flashlight]

The best Jewish holiday song is "Light One Candle" by Peter, Paul, and Mary. The lyrics are unbelievably good, and the tune drives to a determined fury of emotion:

Light one candle for the Maccabee children
With thanks that their light didn’t die
Light one candle for the pain they endured
When their right to exist was denied
Light one candle for the terrible sacrifice
Justice and freedom demand
But light one candle for the wisdom to know
When the peacemaker’s time is at hand

Chorus:
Don’t let the light go out!
It’s lasted for so many years!
Don’t let the light go out!
Let it shine through our love and our tears.

Light one candle for the strength that we need
To never become our own foe
And light one candle for those who are suffering
Pain we learned so long ago
Light one candle for all we believe in
That anger not tear us apart
And light one candle to bind us together
With peace as the song in our hearts

(chorus)

What is the memory that’s valued so highly
That we keep it alive in that flame?
What’s the commitment to those who have died
That we cry out they’ve not died in vain?
We have come this far always believing
That justice would somehow prevail
This is the burden, this is the promise
This is why we will not fail!

(chorus)

Don’t let the light go out!
Don’t let the light go out!
Don’t let the light go out!