[Cobra64]

When I was growing up (I'm 53) when I made certain comments as a young man, my Dad (yes he was wealthy but certainly not a snob - at home he looked like a farmer - except at the office) said you have to practice "nobless oblige." The way he explained the term was to bend your personality to the indivdual with whom you are conversing... Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level. On the flip side, when you're negotiating a $50m contract with a supplier, then the conversation changes.

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

My son seems to have this gift, but I promised him that I'd give him a more "formal" definition of this comunication practice.

Any help from my fellow FReepers?

BTW, this is my first post, so I hope I haven't put this in the wrong place.

[Senator Pardek]

Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level. On the flip side, when you're negotiating a $50m contract with a supplier, then the conversation changes.

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

"Wise Businessman".

[RightWhale]

noblesse oblige is French.
Rank imposes obligations. Being able to talk directly to your serfs is a plus.

[NittanyLion]

I don't know that there's an actual term for this (perhaps empathy), but in my mind this goes to the heart of respect for people. It sounds like your dad taught you to deal with people as individuals who have unique perspectives and worth, and to never look down on someone based on their social or economic standing. Wise advice...

[Centurion2000]

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

Wisdom. Your dad's a smart man.

[StatesEnemy]

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

Yes, but it's Latin, hubristicus asininous.

Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level.

My Word! How mighty white of ya...

[mrsmith]

It's "noblesse oblige" when you treat with respect (or "go the extra mile for") those you have power over- but not when you do it for your equals or superiors.

In all cases it is wise! (That's why wise nobles were obliged to act that way.)

[Maria S]

I've never thought "nobless oblige" had a bad connotation. I translate it as meaning something similar to what the Bible says: "To whom much is given, much will be expected."

If you've been blessed with more than average wealth, brains, physical prowress, etc., you are expected to not squander your gifts.

[wizardoz]

From my readings in English Literature, I'd gathered that nobless oblige went further than merely speaking kindly to people. The wives and daughters of the nobility often made the rounds to the village folk with gifts of fruit, vegetables, and game from the estate. Extra stuff, you know. Later, in the Victorian age, charity work was very popular with the wives of the well-to-do. The more visible, the better, if you know what I mean.

[FormerlyAnotherLurker]

noblesse oblige -
the moral obligation of those of high birth, powerful social position, etc., to act with honor, kindliness, generosity, etc.
[1830–40; < F: lit., nobility obliges]
FROM: Random House Webster's Unabridged

Real Cobra or ___?

[elbucko]

That said, is there an official "definition" of this term?

I have always thought that the poem, "IF", by Rudyard Kipling, was the best "description" of the practice of "noblesse oblige", without the snobbishness so often attributed to simply acting like a "gentleman".

[whipitgood]

As a veteran shoe-chewer, the phrase "A closed mouth gathers no foot" works for me.
I think I read this in the latest Tom Clancy novel.

[Intolerant in NJ]

... "nobless oblige"...my old-worldish calculus instructor used to say this to me when he would call me to the blackboard in class - he met the quizzical look I gave him the first time he used the expression with the explanation "you know how to do the problem so come up here and show the class" - it's a sort of beneficent form of "rank has its privileges", something like "rank has its obligations".....

[Alia]

I think your understanding of it is quite good. I think it is also spelled "Noblesse Oblige".

[Torie]

My take on the term is that while those with power/rank/status have certain privileges, they also have certain responsibilites, to wit to use such privileges with wisdom and restraint,and not primarily focused on self gratification, but rather liberally leavened with an engagement in good works in the service of their nation and community. I don't consider the term to have a negative connotation, but it is a close call. Some do view the term as akin to John D. Rockefeller throwing dimes at the masses, and expecting kudos for doing it.

A more archaic definition perhaps is that the nobility had very defined obligations to their knights, squires, vassels and serfs.

[yankeedame]

...bend your personality to the indivdual with whom you are conversing... Listen to the laborers thinking, words and listening skills; and respond on his level. On the flip side, when you're negotiating a $50m contract with a supplier, then the conversation changes....

Just remember (and tell your son): "Hay to the ox, and sugar to the parrot."

Translation: You speak to some people at some times in some ways, and other people at other times in other ways.