Guantanamo's Unhappy Campers

Weekly Standard ^ | 2-4-02 | Matt LaBash

[bulldawg]

....At some point, that might become necessary, they tell me, as plotting is obviously afoot. Sgt. Matt Lampert of Montana says the other day one of the prisoners was caught "with a piece of cloth stuffed with rocks that was tied off at the end." Sgt. Rodney Davis says that during chowtime, he sees them through his scope "making terrain models out of their food." And unlike say, Afghan prisons, where starving detainees are reportedly begging to be sent to Gitmo, there's plenty of food to play with. "They get fed better than us, sir," says Lampert. When I ask the Marines if they've seen anything weird, they laugh sheepishly, looking at each other. Finally, Sgt. Josh Westbrook, who sports a forearm tattoo of flaming baby heads, steps up. "They know they're being watched," he explains, "so they'll stare at you, and while they stare at you, they'll, uh, masturbate." According to these Marines, they don't just pleasure themselves to freak out the snipers, but also to embarrass the female Army guards in the camp's interior. The weirdness doesn't end there. They've also eaten their toiletries and urinated on equipment. "The other day," says Westbrook, "one of the guys tried to do a naked cartwheel." In the most bizarre twist, Lance Corporal Devin Klebaur says a few have also been known to "put toothpaste in their ass...."

[Billthedrill]

Well, if that's what it takes to get a date in Kabul I guess I could try it...I won't use much and Mom will never notice the tube is missing for awhile...

[Palladin]

ROFL! Don't let them know about this in San Francisco!

[Delbert]

Look Ma, no cavities!

[GSWarrior]

Something was lost in the translation about toothpaste and cavities, I guess.

[Kay Soze]

Keepers of the flame for islam!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Calling Ada Coddington! Your "boys" at Gitmo need some tender loving care.....

[Delbert]

Hey Achmed, pull my finger!!! pffffftttttt!!!
Wow Abdul you must have switched to Crust Toothepaste!

[Alouette]

Go figure - they also refuse to use toilet paper.

Isn't that what we gave them these for?

[baltoga]

I say give the Marine guards BB guns for moon target practice.

[Palladin]

Yeah, give Ada some dental floss and send her down. She/he/it will find a new use for it!

[mountaineer]

Four out of five proctologists surveyed recommend Poopsodent as part of a conscientiously applied program of anal hygiene, and so do Al Qaeda detainees.

[geaux]

they've saved a fortune in toilet paper. It's the detainees' cultural preference not to use any. "We don't shake their hands," says one camp guard.

Maybe this is where the toothbrushes come in handy.

[SeeRushToldU_So]

Most mistreated prisnoers in the world, they are so hurt they can sit around and masturbate.

Sounds like "Master Jack" by Billy Joel. lol

[finnman69]

This gives Crest a whole new meaning to 'cavity control'.

[Argh]

Maybe they should send these guys to Gitmo to clean it up, where they might just get better treatment than they're getting now.

It makes one long for when America had a better class of enemy, like, say, the Germans!

[Delbert]

Hey Achmed when youre done , hand me that centerfold from PlayBurqua.

[zoyd]

Well... it seems they don't like to use toilet paper...

And it also seems that the Red Cross people are giving them smokes and candy, and hugging then and shaking their hands...

My solution: make sure the TP-less prisoners get to go take their dumps about 5 minutes before the Red Cross helpers arrive -- and THEN let the prisoners shake all the hands they'd like!

There's a reason they only eat food with their left hands...

[Palladin]

Yeah, that centerfold of the camel with the big *********

[Delbert]

humps?

[petuniasevan]

PING! HA HA ROFLMAO!