Guantanamo's Unhappy Campers

Weekly Standard ^ | 2-4-02 | Matt LaBash

[bulldawg]

....At some point, that might become necessary, they tell me, as plotting is obviously afoot. Sgt. Matt Lampert of Montana says the other day one of the prisoners was caught "with a piece of cloth stuffed with rocks that was tied off at the end." Sgt. Rodney Davis says that during chowtime, he sees them through his scope "making terrain models out of their food." And unlike say, Afghan prisons, where starving detainees are reportedly begging to be sent to Gitmo, there's plenty of food to play with. "They get fed better than us, sir," says Lampert. When I ask the Marines if they've seen anything weird, they laugh sheepishly, looking at each other. Finally, Sgt. Josh Westbrook, who sports a forearm tattoo of flaming baby heads, steps up. "They know they're being watched," he explains, "so they'll stare at you, and while they stare at you, they'll, uh, masturbate." According to these Marines, they don't just pleasure themselves to freak out the snipers, but also to embarrass the female Army guards in the camp's interior. The weirdness doesn't end there. They've also eaten their toiletries and urinated on equipment. "The other day," says Westbrook, "one of the guys tried to do a naked cartwheel." In the most bizarre twist, Lance Corporal Devin Klebaur says a few have also been known to "put toothpaste in their ass...."

[proudofthesouth]

Aw H*ll!! I say put them in pens in the ocean and when feeding time comes for the sharks open up the bottom of the pens. I am so sick of hearing about these vermin and how good we are treating them!

[Delbert]

That was wrong...gross...and funny.

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

Darn, you posted it before I could.

[Judith Anne]

All they really have to do is point and laugh. ;-D

[Calvin Locke]

Wasn't there an urban myth about a burglar and a couples' camera, and the film that was developed, where the toothbrushes were the costars...?

[onedoug]

Al-Gayda.

[Delbert]

You infidels and your toilet paper!! We dont need no stinking toilet paper!!! Our bung holes are minty fresh and plaque free. 4 out of 5 Dentists prefer Crust for that minty fresh feeling.

[Delbert]

You infidels and your toilet paper!! We dont need no stinking toilet paper!!! Our bung holes are minty fresh and plaque free. 4 out of 5 Dentists prefer Crust for that minty fresh feeling.

[SeeRushToldU_So]

Ping

[Destructor]

"Go figure - they also refuse to use toilet paper. This is a joke. We should shackle these towlies and make the clean the rubble of the WTC..."

Darn straight! Let's save a fortune on Construction equipment, at the same time that we're saving a fortune on Toilet Paper!

[LibertarianLiz]

Honestly, I think baboons at the zoo behave better.

[Delbert]

sorry bout the double post...too much caffeine.

[Bikers4Bush]

I don't know about that but I dated a girl who had given her boyfriends toothbrush a "treatment" after she found out he was cheating on her.

We didn't go out after that. I had visions of what she'd do if I ever forgot her birthday.

[AnnaZ]

LOL!!

 

(But, ewwwh, yech!)

[Argh]

I've been thinking about it for a few minutes and even my sick depraved gross mind can't come up with a likely use they'd devise.

[Landru]

"I say put them in pens in the ocean and when feeding time comes for the sharks open up the bottom of the pens."

Ahhh, POTS??
I *think* just about anytime is, "feeding time" for sharks. {g}
Now reverse that sequence & we have something more workable.
*Plus* having the bonus & real potential of truely suprising 'em.
Imagine: that very instant when they realized they're the one's, "on the menue"?

...why, that look alone would be priceless.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

From these descriptions they don't sound like human beings. They sound like circus chimpanzees that spit, urinate and throw feces at passers by.

[Mrs.Liberty]

What is so strange? Have you never heard of the anal cavity

ROFLMAO! That is just sick and wrong.