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MEN -- ACCORDING TO WOMEN (Hilarious)
Friend | Unknown

Posted on 01/20/2002 4:53:24 AM PST by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin

Men – According to Women

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ....WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine.

They all start out like grapes, and it's a womans job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: braad
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To: No!
The system seems to be that a man is only allowed to be right once, and that was when he married her. After that, even if he accidently turns out to be right, he's still wrong by virtue of having used up his allotment.
41 posted on 01/20/2002 6:39:51 AM PST by tacticalogic
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To: SunnyUsa;klee;kiwigal
Ping
42 posted on 01/20/2002 6:41:04 AM PST by peabers
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
I enjoyed your post and although it is funny, I can't help but admire and thank the good Lord for the brave and courageous men who have fought throughout America's history valiently under the worst of conditions and circumstances and for those men who lost their limbs, eyes, hearing, freedom as POW's and for the many who unselfishly sacrificed their lives for our freedom and liberty.

I stand in awe of their strong manly resolve and steadfast love which enabled them to endure all kinds of unspeakable hells for the protection and defense of their women, their children, their families, their faith, their country.

I read an article in Good Housekeeping, February 2002 page 94"The Best Way to Make a Sick Man Stop Moaning", last night that sort of bashed men for being whiners when it came to getting a cold or flu and compared it to what women have to endure. Well, IMHO, no matter what when the "going gets tough the tough get going" and in tough times it is usually the men who get tough! Thank God He gave women men.

43 posted on 01/20/2002 7:00:59 AM PST by harpo11
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
There doesn't seem to be any mention of an unhandsome, sarcastic bastard who spends all his money on booze rather than women.

I know someone like this.
44 posted on 01/20/2002 7:04:38 AM PST by jjbrouwer
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To: RikaStrom
ROTFLMAO! Thanks for the heads-up--I think I'm gonna copy this out and send it to everyone who has ever asked me why I'm single.
45 posted on 01/20/2002 7:05:14 AM PST by white rose
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To: OneidaM
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

This is the reason why that number is in use by men on the golf course.

46 posted on 01/20/2002 7:09:39 AM PST by b4its2late
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To: ScreamingFist;FreeMom;phenrykid
I don't need to say a thing...
47 posted on 01/20/2002 7:10:09 AM PST by freefly
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
Not gay, but not wealthy or handsome either.....Well crap, I guess I'll just stop trying! Thanks for this ever so uplifting post! :-P
48 posted on 01/20/2002 7:10:55 AM PST by SaveTheChief
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To: Basil Duke
"Some. Those that do generally wake one morning after playing their oft-times cruel and always maddening head games with men for two decades, and wonder why, at the age of 42, single and childless, they're facing the second half of their lives all by their lonesomes. As far as they're concerned, it's never their fault."

You have apparently met my ex-wife. A more accomplished master of mental manipulation has never walked the earth.

49 posted on 01/20/2002 7:11:29 AM PST by Cable225
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
lol... I know quite a number of these...

The big mystery is why the nice men won't make a move.

50 posted on 01/20/2002 7:12:01 AM PST by SCalGal
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
The list is funny, but in all truth, American women are the source of most of their own troubles, when it comes to romance and dating.

There are many unattached men who are not physically repulsive, not financially destitute, not emotionally crippled, and not homosexual. Most single women aren't interested in these men. They're not glamorous, not exciting, not extravagant, not redolent of fantasy, and not arm candy. What, you thought the concept only worked in one direction? I assure you, that blade slices both sexes.

Where would a realistic single woman find such a man? Not in a bar or a nightclub. Somewhere that decent single men of adequate masculine quality spend their free time. Churches. Volunteer organizations. Groups that coalesce around various interests, such as boating, books, theater, folk music, bicycling and hiking, foreign language practice, and so forth. Look into those groups, ladies. You might think there are no suitable men out there entirely because you've been looking in the wrong places for them.

The techniques for finding and bagging a suitable husband are ancient, well known, and reliable. The trouble is, they require that the woman zero in on her choice, present herself to him in an attractive manner, and then induce him to move on her -- "A man chases a woman until she catches him." Most women of our day don't have the patience for this, nor are they willing to expend the effort to make themselves attractive for their men, nor are they willing to do the things that are most appealing to the male ego during courtship, most especially get him talking about the things that fascinate him, then shut up and listen to him with something he could legitimately mistake for interested attention.

There's one last hurdle to leap, though: Because of the prevalence of gender-war psychology and male-bashing among American women, and because so many of them play double-bind games to paint a man as a lowlife regardless of what he does, many men simply will not make the first move. They're afraid of you, ladies. They think you hate them, or hold them in contempt. And a surprising number of you do, by my entirely idiosyncratic researches.

Examples? If a man holds a door for a woman, she can call him a chauvinist. If he fails to do so, she can call him an insensitive cad. I once watched a young woman do both of these things -- to two different men, of course -- within five minutes' time. If a woman interrupts a man in conversation and the man takes exception, he's called petty or wimpish; if a man interrupts a woman, he's called an unmannerly brute -- and yes, I've seen a woman do both of these things, as well.

So, ladies: You have to find your man. You have to make yourself appealing to him and put yourself in his way. You have to induce him to approach you, or you have to approach him in an innocent way. You have to hold his interest while he goes through the process Stendhal called "crystallization," in which he comes to realize that he can't live without you. Then you have to say "Yes." And the order is important.

For further reflections on the dating minefield, click here.

Freedom, Wealth, and Peace,
Francis W. Porretto
Visit the Palace Of Reason: http://palaceofreason.com

51 posted on 01/20/2002 7:15:17 AM PST by fporretto
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To: OneidaM
Who would WANT to make the first move on a woman who thinks like this?

And women wonder why they can't find "a good man"...
52 posted on 01/20/2002 7:22:33 AM PST by Bitwhacker
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
Women: Can't live with them and you can't them live with them.
53 posted on 01/20/2002 7:22:34 AM PST by Rudder
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To: Rudder
Women: Can't live with them and you can't live without them.

And lastly "can't shoot'em"

W.K.

54 posted on 01/20/2002 7:25:52 AM PST by WhiteKnight
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To: No!
LOL

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

I have to be very careful to buy my wife flowers on days that are not occasions, after a fight, after she's tired or had a bad day, or after a good day. I can only buy flowers for her on "nothing" days...otherwise "I'm doing it because I have to"

55 posted on 01/20/2002 7:26:16 AM PST by kidd
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To: SCalGal
Fear of sexual harassment suit, arrest, etc?
56 posted on 01/20/2002 7:28:42 AM PST by crystalk
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To: Mercuria
bump
57 posted on 01/20/2002 7:29:53 AM PST by lowbridge
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To: MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
Men are like parking spaces....the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
58 posted on 01/20/2002 7:31:59 AM PST by Goddess50
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To: *BRAAD;JMJ333; EODGUY; proud2bRC; abandon; Khepera; Dakmar; RichInOC;RebelDawg; Fiddlstix; onyx...
Nice Male Bashing Liberal Feminist Nazi Thread we have here.

I know you mean to call men names in the nicest possible way. This thread is abusive to men in general and should not be condoned. I would feel the same way about threads bashing women. Go back to your NOW sisters and tell them to keep it to themselves. I know you'll tell me to lighten up and its all in good fun and other choice horse nuggets. Don't waste your time sucking on wet rags with me.

Dang those are funny!!!
Did you make those up?

59 posted on 01/20/2002 7:36:48 AM PST by Khepera
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To: Cable225
All women innately possess the ability to play the "head games," but others are more adept at it. The really good ones - like your ex - are brutal.
60 posted on 01/20/2002 7:47:28 AM PST by Basil Duke
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