Posted on 12/18/2001 6:23:36 AM PST by SAMWolf
I am a huge advocate of parents getting into their children's schools on a regular basis. As a stay-at-home mom, I am able to assist in my daughters' classrooms each week. Whether helping with art projects, reading or spelling, it keeps me connected and allows me direct insight into my girls' day-to-day lives. It also affords me the opportunity to connect with other children. And connect I do. The hugs and openness with which I am greeted are huge indicators that I have broken through that Grown-up/Child barrier.
It could be that when I go into the school, I don't dress like an authority figure. You won't find me wearing Chinos, skirts, loafers, untouchable hair or any other spiffy adult attire. Instead, look for the person clad in sweatpants or jeans, a comfy sweater and a baseball cap . . . always a baseball cap. I come prepared to hug, get dirty on the playground and sweep the floor with my butt during reading circle. I also come with enough hugs to go around, twice. As a result, I have been granted access into the Inner Sanctum of the Schoolyard.
Last week while working on an art project with a rotating group of kids we talked about music, movies, swear words, parents, the holidays. As talk turned to what they hoped would be under their tree for Christmas or part of their Hannukah 7 Day Gift Haul, I decided to take advantage of my "non-threatening" status and pose the question: "Name one thing you would like your Mom or Dad to give you this season that would not cost a penny." You could have heard that penny hit the floor as silence enveloped them, and their young minds went to work. As they each took turns answering, I was moved to tears by their candor, their honesty and in some cases the heartbreaking realities revealed in their words.
It is my holiday gift to you all that I share what your kids REALLY want this year. And no, a Play Station 2 is nowhere on the lists of their hearts.
Listen To Me Please: At the top of their lists is for we parents to stop being so busy all the time and just listen to them talk. I know I have been guilty of this one. God knows, we really are not interested in hearing about the latest unpronounceable character in their Harry Potter books, but we need to stop, look them in the eye, and listen. If we don't, they will simply stop trying. And we all know that the teenage days will come when they won't want to discuss anything with us, be it Harry Potter or their newly hairy pits.
Teach Me To Cook: I was surprised by this request, but when I pressed for an explanation, it quickly became clear. We are raising a generation of Microwave Kids. They know how to use every button on the magic box, but have no idea how to simmer, bake or boil. Granted, there is great messiness in allowing your youngsters to cook with you, but take it from me, some of my happiest memories are in the kitchen with my Mom, dusted with flour and smudged with love.
Please Stop Smoking: One child spoke this wish and it was quickly echoed by many others. They have seen enough commercials to be truly concerned about your health and their own, but it goes a bit further than that. One young girl pulled me aside and whispered her reason in my ear, "The other kids say I always smell bad." I hugged her close and bent to kiss her head and she was right. Her hair did not smell of Johnson & Johnson's, but of Benson & Hedges. Not her choice and certainly not fair.
Stop Being So Busy All The Time: If guilt were a color, I would have been painted with it when I heard this one. How many of us use the phrase, "Just a minute . . ." or "Hold on . . ." too much? Personally, there have been too many times I have looked up after "just a minute" to find my child has given up waiting and is gone.
Read To Me: We tend to think that once a child can read, our job is done. Actually, these children expressed a desire to have Mom or Dad read a chapter book TO them each night. And while they would really enjoy the reading, it leads to a deeper desire . . . the other request that made me choke back a tear . . .
Hug Me More: I experience these children each week when I enter the classrooms. They cling to me tighter than a wet pair of Levi's. They are the ones that are not getting enough hugs and snuggling and attention at home. For them, I hug them not once, not twice, but as much and as long as they need. So while you are running around doing that last minute shopping, add some of these items to your own child's list. Rich or poor, they are all things that cost not a dime and we all have in endless supply. We just have to stop and open our arms and hearts a little wider.
No you don't. And please stop directing your foul language at me.
I have smelled many children's stinky clothes, whose smoking parents don't realize it. Your kids' clothing may not smell, but you probably have lost enough olfactory capability so that you can't tell. I apologize. I don't know for a fact that it is true. I'll leave it at that.
I thought the same thing! I have three boys who just HATE it when I tell them to remove their caps in public buildings. Of course, every other kid has his cap on, so WHY CAN'T THEY WEAR THEIRS??? LOL It's tough being a mean mom, but someone has to do it. Might as well be me.
Now if I can just tear myself away from FR, I can get me some learnin' in!
But I still favor the KJV, for the poetry.
Well, call me a sap! Make my day! At first read, I only knew I didn't like the sweat pants/baseball cap shtick, and the attitude that went with it. Now you've got me sniffing around like some kind of junior G-man! Sniff, sniff ...
Alright, the inner sanctum crap was kind of overripe from the get-go ...
Smoking: When I was a tyke, my Mom smoked. I don't remember ever wishing she would stop. However, kids are relentlessly propagandized in school today about smoking, so some of them may have accepted such attitudes.
More hugs. In the documentary on four Jewish intellectuals who got their starts at the City College of New York, Arguing the World, neo-conservative Irving Kristol mocks The Cosby Show, "What's with this always saying 'I love you,' every five seconds? If my parents did that, I would have looked at them as if they were crazy."
The moral: Kristol's folks loved him, and he knew it, but they were not huggie bears. (The other three intellectauls were Daniel Bell, Nathan Glazer, and Irving Howe.)
My Hungarian-born Nana never kissed me. Not once. (About hugs, I'm not so sure.) And yet, I always knew she loved me to death. (And the feeling was mutual.) Hell, she couldn't even cry. Her life had been so harsh, that she'd forgotten how.
My Trinidadian-born wife's folks were not demonstrably affectionate when she was growing up, yet she never doubted their love or devotion, which they showed in a thousand different ways. But she showers our son with hugs and kisses, as do I (is that proper English?). Does our status as huggie bears make us better parents? The answer is no.
The more you forced me to think about this column, the more contrived it seemed. That's all your fault!
The fireworks on this thread merely confirmed me in my practice of never telling parents how to take care of their children, no matter how disgusted I am by them. You're better off just insulting people's religion!
We're in Virginia too, but I know there is a huge disparity between local school systems. Like I said, we're in a county system, if we moved to the city next door, we'd go private/homeschool right away. That was, in fact, why we bought in the county and not the city.
True -- For example, newer versions are quite unable to match the beauty and power of the KJV Nativity story....
Exactly! When I was a kid, if I dared to walk into the house with my baseball cap on my head, it would only take seconds before one of my parents ordered me to take it off.
Hats are to be worn outdoors, not indoors.
FYI, there was no word in Japanese for 'thank you' until the Portugese misionaries came to Japan.
'Oregato' is taken from Portugese 'obregato' (sp).
If we appear polite, it's because we're acting.
We are clever, intelligent, ruthless, militaristic and highly goal oriented.
We sometimes appear pacifist and polite TO FOOL YOU.
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