[Boxsford]

Thank you for posting this. I wouldn't mind hearing a discussion on the affects of abortion. I'd like to get a better understanding. My dear sister had two abortions and is unable to forgive herself. She knows the Lord and intellectually knows God has forgiven her, but she doesn't know it in her heart. She is also a very joyless person.

I'm also interested to know how abortions affect a person's parenting of children they do have. My sister seems to see her children as "perfect" because she can't face any faults of her children as it seems to be a reflection of herself failing as a mom. (as if that does call her a failure)Would that be a result of an abortion? Any abortion counselors out there?

[homeschool mama]

You've got Freepmail.

[SoothingDave]

As was mentioned on the other thread posted about the same time, the Catholic Church runs counselling, for free, for post-abortive women. You need not be Catholic. The name is "Project Rachel." Look up Catholic Charities in your phone book.

SD

[SpookBrat]

She knows the Lord and intellectually knows God has forgiven her, but she doesn't know it in her heart.

That is very common!!!! PACE, the program we use deals with that issue. You might want to encourage her to call her local (pro life) crisis pregnancy center to see if they have a support group. What better way to punish yourself for the rest of your life, than to refuse to forgive yourself.

Without talking to your sister, I can’t really judge the situation. But in regards to her parenting, perhaps it could be she is so happy to actually have children “alive” that she can’t bring herself to discipline. To spank them, cause them to cry or cause them to become temporarily unhappy with her (as all children do when they are disciplined). She could also be punishing herself as a mother. Perhaps she thinks she is unworthy of her children born alive. Perhaps she feels unworthy of the loving respect an obedient child could give her. I have no idea really, but this is normal to some degree. Every situation and woman is different and this can get very complex.

You can do a search if you like, to help your sister find a support group if she is interested. We use PACE (Post Abortion Counseling and Education). There is also Project Rachel.

[BornOnTheFourth]

I've seen this grief first hand as I have two friends that have had abortions (many years ago in both cases--one coerced by her mom when she was a young teen). The grief is very real and very intense.

As for being parents, one of my friends is trying to have children and another is pregnant with her fourth. The one with children is a wonderful mother and friend. Both my friends are Christians and I'm sure it is by God's grace and forgiveness that they are able to deal with the grief.

[Ditter]

One of the women I know who has had an abortion can't seem to say no to her children. I guess trying to make up for the fact that she told the other one to die. I know of 3 others but don't know as much about their homelife.

[Aliska]

Her children probably feel "something" too. Abortions (even sometimes miscarriages) affect later-born children. Some of them "act out" because they know something or someone is missing in their family. Until it is dealt with on a conscious level, the whole family is likely to be affected.

I believe most women who have had abortions do go through a grieving process; some of them never get it resolved and they end up in very, very serious trouble emotionally and end up in treatment centers. Then the treatment centers don't have the tools to help them deal with their grief and guilt. "Talking it out" is about all that is permitted and talking it out is usually insufficient.

The grief and guilt are real and must usually be dealt with spiritually. Even then, it takes a long process of "penance" before grief/guilt are assuaged and the person can resume living again on a healthy psychic level.

Just my humble opinion; I'm no professional and it is just as well. Professionals never "cured" anybody. Period. They can help in the process but they are really powerless and their pride gets in the way, often exacerbating the therapy.

[colorado tanker]

My wife had several miscarriages. We attended a support group sponsored by the hospital for several weeks. The sessions ended with a moving interfaith memorial service conducted by understanding clergy. The pain of losing an unborn child is very real and persists to this day.

I couldn't understand how because we "wanted" those children we experienced loss and grief, where if the same pregnancies had been aborted there would be no lost child and no feelings, according to society. This illogic and blindness to reality was a milestone in my journey from pro-choice to pro-life views.

Although I don't have direct experience with abortion, it must be even worse than the loss of miscarriage because of the feelings of guilt. To me, it's downright unethical that physicians who perform abortions lie to their patients about the feelings they will experience and leave them with no resources to cope. Then again, if they were honest with their patients they might have to be honest with themselves about what they're doing.

Thanks for the hearfelt and moving posts on this thread.