Posted on 12/04/2001 7:13:41 AM PST by toenail
In her book to be released in 2002, my friend Dr. Theresa Burke writes,
"There is no social norm for dealing with an abortion. There are no Hallmark cards for friends who have had an abortion, declaring either sympathy or congratulations. We don't send flowers. We don't have any ceremonies, either joyous or mournful. We have no social customs or rules of etiquette governing acknowledgment of an abortion. Instead, we all try to ignore it."
The book, "Forbidden Grief," with which Dr. David Reardon also collaborated, demonstrates that grief after abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society. Drawing from their vast experience of post-abortion counseling, the authors illustrate some of the ways that this "disenfranchised grief" eats away at the personality, and results in harmful and bizarre behavior.
As a graduate student, Theresa Burke led a weekly support group for women with eating disorders. The meeting exploded out of control one night when, unexpectedly, the topic of abortion arose. Six of the eight participants had had abortions. This led Theresa to begin exploring the connections. One woman explained, "I am never hungry when I binge. I eat because I am full. Full of anger, hurt, sadness, and loneliness. I throw up because that is the way I empty myself of those feelings."
Every thought and emotion we have is connected to other thoughts, emotions, and memories. Connections to the negative memories associated with abortion are often overlooked, even by professional therapists.
Forbidden Grief reveals many of the connections. For example, those who undergo a trauma often re-enact that trauma, in a subconscious effort to articulate, understand, and master it. One client became obsessed with pregnancy after her abortion. She explains, "I used to go to the maternity section in department storesI usually had a towel stuffed in my pantyhose to make it look like I was pregnantbut as soon as I'd get in my car I would cry my head offI'd rip the towel out of my belly to dry my tears. I'd tell myself, you're not pregnant this is just a stupid towel."
Another rode horseback regularly without padded pants, until she bled profusely, hence re-enacting the abortion.
One way or another, we ritualize our grief.
We also sometimes try to trivialize it when we know it's too much to bear. Dr. Burke describes a dorm party in which the students, many post-abortive, played "Baby Soccer." The broken heads of dolls were kicked around the room gleefully, their eyes gouged out with darts, their cheeks burned with cigarette butts.
Other post-abortive individuals increase their risk-taking behavior, hoping they will get caught or hurt. After all, they know they are guilty, and may seek an experience to confirm that.
When society trivializes abortion, people suffering from it will, cry out by their actions, "I'm not OK! I'm in tremendous pain! Can anyone help me?" We need to tell them we know that pain, and that it makes sense to grieve. Only then can healing begin.
I have not the words. May God turn their hearts to Him.
I'm also interested to know how abortions affect a person's parenting of children they do have. My sister seems to see her children as "perfect" because she can't face any faults of her children as it seems to be a reflection of herself failing as a mom. (as if that does call her a failure)Would that be a result of an abortion? Any abortion counselors out there?
"Yeah... well I sssspose he had it comin'.."
- Unforgiven
This subject is near and dear to my heart. <><
I'm too scared to post for the first time, but I had to respond to this. I counsel women who suffer from post abortion stress at my local crisis pregnancy center. (Actually, it's a Biblically based on going study of forgiveness and trusting in God to guide you through the grief process. I am not a licensed therapist). I can verify what Father Frank Pavone says to be true. The statistics show that probably around 80% (or higher depending on who you ask) of women who receive an abortion suffer greatly, different levels of post trauma. Many times it develops into psychosis. But mostly it's just severe self-hatred and on going self-destructive behavior.
I could go on for days about this. Oddly enough, to my understanding, Planned Parenthood does not even acknowledge post abortion stress. Imagine that!
From my limited exposure, in dealing with women who have had abortions, I would say that 80% is wrong. My experience has shown me that number to be higher. I talk openly about abortion with pro life and pro choice women and know many, many women who have had an abortion. I have only talked to ONE woman who didn't regret it and suffer afterwards (and that's up for debate). So if I was doing my own statistic based on my conversations, that number would be 99%. How's that for a scientific statistical analysis? LOL
"I have not the words. May God turn their hearts to Him."
'Nuff said.
I'm a former post abortion counselor for CPC and can affirm your views to be correct.
So glad you registered and posted on this thread. Welcome!
SD
I'd like to hear more about what you have learned concerning post-abortion. Have you found that mothers struggle with their parenting? What could I tell my sister counseling would be like if she decided to go to one? How long does counseling go on for? Any help you can give will be helpful. ~Boxsford
That is very common!!!! PACE, the program we use deals with that issue. You might want to encourage her to call her local (pro life) crisis pregnancy center to see if they have a support group. What better way to punish yourself for the rest of your life, than to refuse to forgive yourself.
Without talking to your sister, I can’t really judge the situation. But in regards to her parenting, perhaps it could be she is so happy to actually have children “alive” that she can’t bring herself to discipline. To spank them, cause them to cry or cause them to become temporarily unhappy with her (as all children do when they are disciplined). She could also be punishing herself as a mother. Perhaps she thinks she is unworthy of her children born alive. Perhaps she feels unworthy of the loving respect an obedient child could give her. I have no idea really, but this is normal to some degree. Every situation and woman is different and this can get very complex.
You can do a search if you like, to help your sister find a support group if she is interested. We use PACE (Post Abortion Counseling and Education). There is also Project Rachel.
I could go on for days about this. Oddly enough, to my understanding, Planned Parenthood does not even acknowledge post abortion stress. Imagine that!
Are you kidding me?!!! I thought we were past that?!!!
For some reason, I knew they were denying the fact that post-abortion stress existed, in academic areas for example, because they lie in college while they try to brainwash your children. This goes along with liberals teaching that there are no consequences, when in fact we all know there are. However, I thought Planned Parenthood would promote "all of the facts", but it looks like I have been duped.
I have alot of friends who have had abortions and all of them, and I MEAN EVERY SINGLE ONE, is f***ed up about their decision. I was pretty liberal about this issue before, but I could not get passed the fact that my friends were so emotionally scarred because of their abortions. I doubt that any were told that they would have the emotional nightmares if they followed through.
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