Posted on 07/16/2020 6:47:34 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
As a layperson or a church staff member, it’s likely you’ve left a church at some point — or will leave a church in the future. When that happens, I hope you’ll remember the points of this post.
1. People will remember how you leave. They’ll forget even the most miraculous works of God to bring you to the church if you leave in a negative way. Even a few weeks of negative can erase years of positive.
2. Those who remain may be wounded if you leave poorly. Especially if they’ve loved and respected you, they may not understand why you’ve suddenly changed. Long-term friendships can be broken.
3. Your family can be scarred by a bad ending. You might try to shield them from the pain, but few of us do that well when we’re wounded.
4. Poor closures usually color future ministry opportunities. Once you’ve been hurt and carry wounds, you’ll always wonder if more wounds lie in the future.
5. Division left by bad departures can destroy a congregation’s unity. This sometimes happens when departing members challenge others to take sides on the issues.
6. Good departures make ministry a celebration. Rejoicing over victories is always better than battling over remaining disagreements.
7. Healthy closure paves the way for the next leaders. One of the best ways to help the church’s next leader is to leave in joyful response to God’s calling – not in anger.
8. Leaving well fosters long-term friendships. Moving to a different church doesn’t have to harm relationships if the departure is handled well.
9. Good leavings promote Christian unity. Regardless of where we serve, we pray for and love other congregations when we’ve left well. Good memories promote harmony between churches.
10. People will remember how you leave. So, I repeat #1 above, but with a different flavor. Leave in a positive way, and churches often forgive years of negative.
What would you add to this list?
As a layperson or a church staff member, it’s likely you’ve left a church at some point — or will leave a church in the future.
Is that even true?
Regards,
Ann and I elected to leave our church in early February of 2017, resolving to check out in May. It was a combination of politics and not having our backs.
The Music Minister asked me to fill in a bunch of special music spots - I wound up doing 5 of them through the summer, ending on August 29 doing The Prayer with a young soprano and a world class pianist.
From February on we discussed our plans with a couple dozen key people (total membership maybe 200 and 50 to 70 attending each Sunday). The week after we were gone I wrote a letter to the Senior Minister pleading with him to be more earnestly welcoming of the next people like us.
It was a longer farewell tour then we have done with just about any other part of our life.
My daughter and her family (and another family) left a small rural church recently.
One of the new arriving families (about 35 members) are known for being swindlers. They make deals (farm/crop related) and don’t pay. They just tell you to take them to court. The lawsuits are plentiful, but he plays games and doesn’t show up and has his assets in different family members’ names, etc. You don’t collect anything unless you put a lien on his property and he has to sell one day. They live like royalty, with fancy cars and a huge vacation property, never mind their huge home, etc.
Lots of proof, ripping off even widows, but the “pastor” decided that because it involved families NOT members of the church, they wouldn’t get involved. Even though one of the victims was a friend of my daughters, and the other accuser had her friends ripped off as well....didn’t matter.
My daughter and her friend were shamed and verbally abused for bringing the whole thing up. It was disgusting. A poor excuse for a church.....but I guess when your income is first priority - 35 members DO put a fair bit in the plate.
I agree with your response. Some believe in peace and uplifting at all costs. I have left some for doctrinal matters and explained why to any who desired to know why. I have asked some to leave with the same conditions. Defend earnestly is not an idol comment. Lk 10:10-18 is more than a request for fidelity to God’s word. There is conflict on every page of Scripture. There are more warnings concerning wrongdoing than blessings for doing good.
My husband and I made the agonizing decision to leave the church I grew up in, the church where we met and married, the church our children chose to be baptized in, when the pastor stated showing favoritism to a trouble maker. BUT, we discussed the pastor’s behavior with the Chairman of the Deacons first. When he decided to do nothing, we just stopped attending.
Now, the “favorite” has shown up at the church we joined, and this couple thinks we should be the best of friends! Aaaargh. And yes, he has already caused some problems.
At least your daughter spoke up. God bless her for her courage.
True, but she’ll never do it again. It was shameful the way they handled it. She’s glad to be gone from a church that has the back of a swindler, because some of the spoils wind up in the plate.
I think I used to produce their radio programs in the early 2000’s can’t recall for sure.
Just leave. Those who care about you will likely ask why if they don’t already know.
Sometimes no explanation is required. I am of the opinion people make their decisions for their reasons. Unless it is a very close friend or family member, you don’t owe an explanation to anyone.
Thirty years ago my church had a chasm that still causes it problems. What it boiled down to was you had 3-4 deacons who were mad at the pastors salary. He was a full time pastor, provided with a parsonage, salary and gas for his travels. Now this pastor didn’t sit on his butt, he visited members in the hospitals, nursing homes and home bound and he brought the message Sunday morning, evening and Wednesday evenings, he really did work his butt off. I was in the hospital in a city 60 miles away for several months and the man made a minimum of two trips a week to visit me.
These 3-4 deacons had been fine with the pastors salary for a dozen years and then the board of directors gave him a small raise, 2% of annual and they went off and started murmuring to other deacons. Before you know it the deacons were having secret meetings in violation of the church constitution trying to get rid of the pastor. One deacon out of twelve had been left out of these meetings on purpose, but he was approached and he went to one meeting. He listened to their plans to remove the pastor and told them they were in the wrong, their behavior wasn’t Biblical, that they were not going to the man like the Bible said and were violating the constitution as well which had been written in 1842. He told them I will not stand with you and will oppose you if you go through with this unChristian stunt and warily told them if you do this it will split this church and do generational damage, don’t do it, pray and seek God’s guidance, if God wants him removed He will do it in his own time. They ignored him.
These deacons brought it up on the floor of the church on a Sunday morning and the pastor stood for nearly two hours and was verbally ripped by these deacons and their cohorts and physically threatened. That one deacon stood alone with several members of the congregation and defended the pastor. The pastor never replied to any of their behavior, he just stood there and took it. End result the pastor resigned that evening. Out of a 400 member congregation you had almost 125 members walk out that day and eventually they formed a new church. They asked for their letters and the deacons spitefully dismissed all of them, not granting the letters just said you are churched.
Flash forward to today and that small group who left and formed a new church is thriving. The original pastor stayed a couple of years and felt called to another congregation hundreds of miles away and still the new church grew. Now it has paid for a new church, and about paid off a new educational facility and has a 200+ enrollment and routinely has 120-150 members on Sunday mornings and 50-60 on Sunday and Wednesday evenings and are seeing souls saved. That one lone deacon is old and white headed now and had been involved in the new church from it’s beginning and enjoys every minute in the services. The new church even though they were dismissed continued to participate in the local church association and were graciously accepted and they welcomed in members for associational meetings from the old church which had dismissed them, fed them and made them feel at home even though many, but not all of the original church members were dismissive and rude to those they had ran off.
The old church where the chasm took place has slowly lost members and is in decline and barely making it’s bills. About fifteen years later, the same bunch of deacons got upset and dismissed several members because they wouldn’t follow their demands. The current pastor who has been there about six or seven years faced one of the same deacons in the original chasm once again carrying on about money. This deacon wanted the pastor to take a pay cut and the pastor said absolutely not. This time the church and other deacons said no, we’re not going through this again because of you and money. He got mad and left, actually showed up at the new church and found out sure, you can be a member and join, but you will not be a deacon. He’s wondering about the town going church to church now, homeless for a church.
The original churches current pastor has accepted the new churches extended hand of fellowship and is essentially saying to the older members, you have to stop this and accept and help your fellow Christians, what you did was wrong, lets move forward and see souls saved that is why we are here, those you ran off are doing that, we need to do it. So you essentially have a generation where that church has floundered just as the one lone deacon predicted.
It wasn’t the Westboro Baptist, was it?
/s
This.
People can be remarkably petty. They get their fragile little egos hung up on things being done exactly their way.
This is not restricted to the congregation as pastors who, you think would know better, can get stick in the key of mememememememememe as well.
Something to keep in mind is that it is His Church. If He is not being glorified there is a problem. If He is then the problem might be you.
When you cease to be a good influence you need to be a good riddance.
Part as well as you can, “with malice to none and charity to all.”
[...] from it’s its beginning
He’s wondering wandering about the town [...]
Regards,
Lol! I try to write with correct punctuation. Sometimes it is my old brain and me not having paid attention in 8th grade English class and sometimes it is my phone autocorrect that gets me!
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